


To Be Yours

by TheUnknownShadow



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Metallo Lena, Slow Burn, alternate timeline 100th episode Lena Luthor, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 57,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnknownShadow/pseuds/TheUnknownShadow
Summary: Lex is gone. Kara encounters another Lena in a timeline when they never met and was attacked.she made it back safely but.. someone else managed to follow her into her timeline.Lena no longer wants any contact with Kara but can she stay away?what happens when Kara pays more attention to the other lena ?
Relationships: Kara Danvers / Alternate Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 621
Kudos: 1437





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so I'm new at this.. I don't really follow the show anymore other than to keep updated on supercorp lol. anyways sorry if there's any mistake. feel free to point out any mistakes or questions you have. I won't really be following the show's story line that much I guess? anyways enjoy! hope you like it.

**Chapter 1**

It was difficult to breathe. Everything was too much. She hears the loud shouts and engines all over town, she hears the loud screams of humans and babies, she hears the loud roar of an airplane and helicopter engines in the sky. Her vision is blurry and she needed a place to land. Fast. She was flying but barely conscious, when she saw a helipad she used every last strength she had to fly towards the direction, when she was sure she was above the helipad she let go of everything and surrenders to her exhaustion. She knows the helipad is going to crack as she let her body falls from the sky to the helipad. She’s too tired to care about damage right now.

The loud crash and dust that surrounds her when she reaches the helipad confirms that the helipad most likely, had a large dent or hole of where she had just landed. She feels her body aching and head throbbing. The battle left her to her final drop of power but right now she can feel everything. She’s slowly losing her powers, probably used it all up in her attempt to land safely (mostly) without any crowd or injuring any civilians.

Kara opened her eyes and was greeted by the dark skies of the night. She guessed it’s probably nearing midnight. Alex is probably worried since she’s been gone longer than intended. She’s too tired and beat up to move. She sighs and closes her eyes as she tries to breathe normally. Every breath she takes sends a sharp pain to her ribs. She had just returned to her timeline after spending a good amount of time at an alternate timeline where she had never met Lena and it was horrible. She’s in pain since she had been in contact with kryptonite. After Lena had blasted her with kryptonite from her chest she used every strength she had to get away. She tried to reason with her, promised that she will never ever fight her. She’s not an idiot, she knows that’s not _her_ Lena but it still was _Lena_ , well another version of her that is. Myx had snapped her back here but the effect still remains, she’s weak and in pain. It didn’t help that she was attacked by drones and robots while running away from Lena. Alex is probably looking for her now, everything will be fine. She just wants to rest here for a bit and just enjoy the quiet night even though she’s in pain. She sighs.

She slowly surrenders to the ache and heavy eye lids. Then, she heard a familiar voice screaming her name. something she’s never thought she’d hear again.

“ _Kara!_ “

_Lena?_

Then, it was all black.

* * *

The whole Lex thing had been settled for a while now. He’s gone, back to the dead, and she was needed at the timeline where she never met Lena to help the legends and it was tiring. Everyone was there, Oliver, Baryy including Myx for whatever reason. They had just finished dealing with the problem when she ran into _that_ Lena and things went ugly for her. Myx had seen her and teleported her back to her timeline for safety. Everything was back to normal now. Well, _almost_ everything. She feels horrible, and her whole body aches. There are bright lights and the feeling that she’s familiar with, the sunbed at the DEO. She slowly opens her eyes. Everything was blurry at first but soon her vision clears and she sees Alex’s worry face.

“ hey, don’t move okay? You’re pretty banged up. “ Alex said as she caresses Kara’s hair

“ how long have I been out?” Kara asks as she looks around. She wasn’t sure if she imagined hearing Lena’s voice out of her desperation to talk and amend things with Lena again or was it real?

“ almost a week. “ Alex said as she check Kara’s vital

“ oh “ she looks around again in search of a certain someone

“ she was the one who found you “ Alex said as if she knew who Kara was looking for. She slumped herself on the sofa in the room.

“ …who? “ she needed verbal confirmation. She needs to know that it was real.

“ Lena. You crashed at L Corp and she was alerted so she went to the helipad and found you there bleeding and unconscious. She called me in frantic. She was worried about you in her own way, I guess. she comes here every day at almost midnight to check up on you. “

Kara didn’t know what to say. Worried? That Lena takes time out of her busy schedule to visit her when she herself should be resting knowing how the woman is a workaholic. Confused? Does this mean she’s not mad anymore? Relief? That her so called best friend who she’s been lying for their entire friendship still cares?

Alex looks at her and then sighs

“ she’s still angry. Doesn’t even talk to us. She comes, looks at you, asks of your condition and then leaves. That’s it. “ of course.

Of course she’d still be mad. She’s lied to Lena and she knows better than to ask forgiveness again. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s had enough time to think about everything and she’s ashamed that she thought that an apology would make everything better.

Lena deserves better. She always has.

Kara looks at the time and it’s almost nearing midnight. She wonders if Lena will be here soon.

“ uh did you tell her tha- “ words stopped coming out of her mouth when she recognizes the pair of green eyes across the room as soon as the door was opened

“ uh i’ll just you know.. “ Alex stood up and leaves the room not forgetting to give a look at Kara.

Now, it was just them.

Lena stood frozen at the door. Her facial expression remains stoic. If Lena was surprised to see Kara awake then she hid it well.

“ hi “ Kara said after a few moments of awkward silence

“ hey “ Lena closed the door and walked towards beside the bed

Kara didn’t know what to do or say. Should she hug her? Does Lena _want_ Kara to hug her? Kara could say with confidence that she knows Lena, like really _knows_ her. But at times, such as like this, she’s hard to read. Nevertheless, she sees certain ticks that Lena does. It shows that Lena is worried but yet closed off. She’s comfortable but yet scared. She’s angry but yet relieved.

“ how are you feeling? “ Lena asked as she stood still beside the bed. Her voice was warm, filled with concern, she talked as if Kara was a scared kitten that might run off if her voice was any louder. Her eyes scans Kara like it was the last time she’ll ever see her. Lena eyes her legs, body, arms, hands, face, chin, check bones, forehead and then… she looks into Kara’s eyes for just a second and looks everywhere, everywhere but Kara.

Kara knows that her eyes are swollen a bit, her forehead has a big cut of when she was fighting that rouge alien, her left cheekbones in probably blue and purple. Her lips must have at least two cuts judging by the way it stings whenever she talks. She suspects her arm is broken, her wrist is fractured and her body is full of bruises and cuts. She knows she had at least two broken ribs. Her legs hurt and her knees are probably bruised.

“ uh you know.. kind of hurts but better “ Kara mumbles while looking at with Lena.

“ Good. “ Lena nods and moves to turn around and probably leave.

Wait. No. no. Don’t leave.

“ wait! “ Kara’s voice echoes through the cold room

She still hasn’t thanked the woman for saving her yet.

“ uh.. I just want t- “ she was then cut off by Lena’s cold voice. No longer soft with a hint of worry in her voice. Kara calls this the Luthor voice when Lena uses this to a business associate that she absolutely cannot stand but needs to be polite to anyway.

“ Stop. “

She looks deep into the green emerald eyes that she’s missed. She scans the other woman’s face. Lena shows no emotion other than pure anger towards her right now and it stings, she knows she deserves it but it still hurts.

“ We’re no longer friends. I only called Alex because I didn’t want there to be another media storm of Luthor Kills Super. I don’t want your friends near me. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear your voice. I don’t want you at L Corp. I don’t want you as my friend. I was fine before so _hell_ , I’m fine now. We’re even now. You owe me nothing and I owe you nothing. If we absolutely need to interact with each other then find a way so we _don’t_. “ and with that Lena turns around and leaves not giving Kara any chances of saying anything back.

She won’t lie. At this moment, she’s afraid. Kara, the girl of steel is afraid like never before. She’s terrified.

Kara is absolutely petrified that this, would be the last time that she would see Lena ever again. She remains speechless as she watches Lena walk out of the room. She keeps the memory of Lena’s back walking away from her in her memory. she’s in pain for a very different reason now. Her hands clenched her shirt at her heart. It _hurts_. _Everything hurts_.

This was it. This is what she’s been afraid all along.

She’s lost _her_.

_Her_ Lena.


	2. You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is still trying to wrap her head around the idea of no longer being in Lena's life.
> 
> and that's exactly who she runs into when she goes out for a run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! I'm still trying out and messing around with the idea for this. sorry if it isn't good. anyways, hope you enjoy.
> 
> and thank you so much for the kind words oh my gosh it means the world to me. 
> 
> feel free to point out the spelling error or grammar mistakes. English isn't my first language so.. hehe 
> 
> xoxo

**Chapter 2**

Kara has not been one to dwell on her emotions before. It’s not like she was born with it per se. On Krypton everything had been decided for her. Who she’d marry will be decided by the algorithm, she’d pursue her career in the Science Guild following her family’s footsteps. It was simple. On earth however, it was more complicated. Everything is undecided.

Kara had lost friends before. It’s not new. She’s lost contact with some of her close friends from high school when she went to college. Then, she’s lost contact with her college friends when she graduated. Was she sad that she’d lost some of her good friends that she’s had a lot of good memories with? Sure. Did she move past it? Yes. But this thing with Lena? This was different.

It’s so difficult and confusing.

On one hand, she wants to storm off to L Corp and just force Lena to just _listen_ and try to _understand_ where she’s coming from. Kara wants Lena to know just how much she means to her.

Kara isn’t as naïve as to think that the flirtations, longing looks that lasts a few seconds and touches that lingers just a tad bit longer that one would consider to be friendly was just somethings between friends. It’s _not_ just friendship between them now is it? It has always been _more_ , they’d both had just stood comfortably along the lines that had been drawn by their friendship. Neither of them had even dared to cross the line seeing as there had never been the right time, but the line was _there_. They _both_ know it. Kara is sure of that.

And on the other hand, she wants to curl into the deepest darkest hole that she can find and cry. Cry because she’s confused, hurt and angry. Confused as to why she’s suddenly more than aware of the _feelings_ she has. Hurt, as she recalls the pure raw anger she received from Lena, she knows she deserves it.

God, she knows it more that she would like to but it doesn’t change the fact that Lena _left_. Just like everybody else in Kara’s life, and Kara just like everybody else in Lena’s life, had hurt her.

And she’s angry because she's the cause of their broken friendship and hearts. They both had managed to hurt each other in the worst way possible. She’s furiously mad at herself and the situation. She’s just so… lost right now.

But she can’t do any of those now can she? She’s messed up bad enough. She respects Lena’s one condition. That’s the least she could do for her.

If Lena didn’t want her in her life then that’s what Kara would do.

“ Rao “ she sighs softly

She couldn’t help but wonder what Lena’s doing, has she eaten? How is she feeling about all of this? Is she still at L Corp? Has she been sleeping enough?

It’s been three days since she’s last spoken to Lena and five hours since she’s been cleared to go home after a very long conversation ( more like interrogation ) with Alex about…well everything.

She’s tired. That’s all she knows.

For the past month she’s dealt with the monitor, Leviathan and worst of all Lex Luthor. And just last week she dealt with a group of rogue aliens at the alternate timeline where she and Lena never met.

She’s never had the time to rest or even deal with everything since there always seems to be a certain crisis after another.

“ kara? “ Kara snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Alex enter her apartment

“ here! “ she calls out from her room. She’s been sitting at the edge of her bed staring at nothing for the past hour thinking about everything

“ hey, so I was thinking that we could gather everyone for a game night tomorrow? You know, since you’ve been MIA for the past two weeks for game night. “ Alex says as she plopped down beside Kara on the bed.

“ oh.. um I don’t know I’m just not feeling it. Still tired I guess? “ Kara lies down with a sigh

“ oh? Wow did not expect that at all. Huh. Are you okay? “ Alex asked, weirded out by her social butterfly sister passing up a night with some of her favorite people.

“ yeah just you know it’s been a lot these past few months and honestly I just want to rest for a while. I mean, is that okay? if you really want to then, sure I guess bu- Hey!! What’s that for?? “ Kara sits up as she eyes Alex with a frown on her face when Alex threw a pillow at her face.

“ it’s fine you idiot. I just thought you’d want to see everyone. It’s okay, I’d prefer it if you rest anyway. God knows you can’t stay still. You’re the cause of all of my grey hairs, and I’m only pushing thirty! “

“ but uh.. if there was something you’d tell me right? “ it was clear in Alex’s voice that she knows somethings on Kara’s mind.

“ oh please, so being dramatic. I’m fine. So how are things with you? “ Kara had missed out on a lot and she’s missed Alex. She stood up and went to the kitchen to grab two pints of ice cream and head to the couch with Alex following closely behind her.

If she herself had not processed her thoughts about this then it’s not the time yet to be talking to Alex about everything.

“ urgh same old same old. Guns, aliens, Netflix, and food. “ she mumbles as she grabs a pint of ice cream from Kara who’s curled up with a blanket and feet on the couch beside her.

“ …that’s it? “ Kara nudged Alex’s thigh with her foot

“ Rude. But yeah. not a lot of things going on with me... or the DEO for the matter... not like something is up you know? Just phew haha! I’m talking nonsense! anyways Netflix?! “

Kara eyes Alex sharply. She knows Alex is hiding something, though Alex would say she’s a better liar than Kara, she fails to see that Kara learned to lie from Alex so… Alex was not exactly subtle whenever she wants to hide something which is concerning given that she’s a secret agent. She decides to not push it for now.

“ ice cream, my sister and a good movie? Always. “ she says as her head drops on Alex’s shoulder.

* * *

Alex had left nearing midnight saying that she had an early meeting with the agents at the DEO tomorrow. It’s 1 am and yet she still can’t sleep. It’s no surprise given that she was unconscious for a long time but still, her mind is on overdrive. She has all these pent-up feelings in her and no way of releasing them. What? Go to the gym? What gym would be open at this hour?. She could go to the DEO training room but Alex would murder her for not resting if she knew. Ah! she forgot she had something that could help.

Kara got out of bed and grabbed a pair of white t-shirt and sweatpants. She went to her closet and dug out a small lead lined box with high level security to open. She put in her passcode, thumb print and scans her eyes to open the box. It’s a nuisance if you ask her but since the items in the box is highly dangerous it was worth it. As soon as the box was opened she grabbed a red sun necklace and bracelet. She pushed aside the small amount of kryptonite in there with lead to grab a red sun ring. The items would be enough to dampen her powers so she could feel like a human.

She looked at the clock showing it was nearing 1.20am and went her way out for a run. It was late or early? Enough to go out for a run without anyone. She plugged in her earphone and blasted songs in her playlist.

Now, is it just her or does every song she listens to just reminds her of Lena? 

As soon as she starts running all of her thoughts run wild to all of her interactions with Lena. As every memory burn, she runs and runs and runs like there’s no tomorrow hoping it would ease her mind and shake the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach.

_“ Ms. Danvers “_

_“ Kara “_

_“ you’re literally my only friend in National City “_

_“ I’ve never had friends like you before “_

_“ no one’s ever stood up for me like that “_

_“ Kara Danvers you are my hero “_

_“ I trust you and how often do you get to work with your best friend? “_

_“ you’re my favorite “_

There’s no doubt she’s been running fast for at least an hour now but her frustration is still there. She wants to lash out and use her powers to break things and she knows just the place to go. She needs to let it out before people around her notices that something’s on her mind. She can’t focus and that is never good when you’re the girl of steel who’s in charge of keeping everyone safe. She makes a turn to make a round and go back to her apartment which is still far away considering she’s been running straight ahead, but when she turned to a corner she stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes catches sight of someone that has been on her mind.

There.

There she was.

Lena.

She read the sign of where Lena just came out of. “ The Underground “ is a very popular and well known club that only the top social class (mostly) go to. It’s no surprise that Lena went there.

It was rare of Lena to go to clubs as she had once told Kara that she’d only went to a club when she’s extremely annoyed and work wasn’t enough to keep her mind off things.

Lena wasn’t alone though, there was another brunette accompanying her. They looked rather... _friendly_.

Kara scans the other woman, she’s tall, sharp jawline but not as sharp as Lena’s. Duh. She walks with confidence and has such refined facial features. Again, not as confident or refined as Lena’s. The other woman was, ehh... sure attractive. Attractive more that she would have liked. Not as attractive as Lena. Obviously. Pft.

Lena was composed as she walks out of the club, but Kara can still see the hint of pink on her cheeks and her eyes that she’s struggling to keep open. Kara stood there hiding behind the corner just watching her. Kara watched her as Lena hugged the other woman and chatted for a bit. Kara paid no attention to the other woman, instead all of her attention was to Lena. She watched how Lena gives a smile but not as bright as when she had smiled at Kara, she watched as Lena touched the other woman’s arm and then retrieves it just as fast, she watched as Lena got into her car and she watched as the car drove away.

And it hit her again. _Hard_.

She’s reminded by the car driving away that she’s no longer in Lena’s life anymore. _Lena doesn’t want her_. Not anymore.

“ _fuck_ “

_I know you're out there somewhere, somewhere in the night_ _  
For a fleeting moment thought you passed me by  
See the sun come up now, as it hits my eyes  
All the things I want to tell you, that you don't want to talk about_

_\- Léon ( You and I )_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn right.
> 
> stay safe!


	3. The other her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara meets Lena from another time line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! hope you're all doing well.   
> thank you fro your kind words really, it means a lot to me hehe
> 
> anyways, as usual feel free to comment any mistakes or thoughts ! 
> 
> xoxo

**Chapter 3**

“ Kara?! What are you doing here? “ squeaked Alex as she saw Kara walk into the DEO in the supergirl suit

“ um.. I work here? “ Kara walked pass Alex and took a seat next to Brainy

“ I know but you should still be resting “ Kara rolls her eyes

“ Alex, I’ve been resting for about a week. I’m fine. Good as new and healthy as a horse! “ she gives Alex her best smile

Alex’s protectiveness can be overwhelming at times, sure she appreciates it but god, she’s too protective sometimes.

“ also, what’s up with you? you’ve been acting weird since yesterday “

“ uh nothing, wh- why would you say that? Right brainy? “ Alex looked at Brainy with a desperate look

“ uh yes, agent Danvers has given me orders to act as if nothing is wrong for the sake of your well-being as she phrased it and- “ Brainy was then cut off by Kara

“ what do you mean by ‘ as if nothing is wrong’ ? “

Alex sighed and glared at Brainy

“ for someone who’s supposed to be intelligent you’re the definition of dumb right now. “ Alex mumbles

“ agent Danvers I’ll have you know that my hearing and intellect is- “

“ okay stop it, the both of you. Alex? What are you hiding from me? “ Kara asked again calmly. As a reporter she thrives on curiosity and she’s been dying to know what exactly Alex has been hiding.

“ okay so um, when Myx snapped you here Brainy has a theory that there was a breach or like a hole? In the time lines so it made someone from another time line possible to jump into another time line. And about three days ago we received information that something suspicious was going on downtown and we went to check it out and now… we may or may not have Lena in custody down the holding room here right now? “ Alex explained as she eyes Kara who’s listening closely

“ …I’m sorry but did you just say you locked Lena up? Alex! I’m sure she has a perfectly reasonable explanation for her actions. We’ve had this conversation a billion times Alex! Lena is- “

“ okay stop! lord knows I’ve heard that speech enough times that I can recite what you’re about to say word to word. Technically it is Lena but it’s not Lena “ Alex cuts in before her sister starts rambling about Lena not being another Luthor

“ uh, what does that even mean?! “ Kara looked at Brainy with her eyebrows raised

“ what agent Danvers is trying to say is that, the breach in the time line gave an opening for the Lena from the time line when you two never met to jump into this time line. So THAT’S the Lena in holding right now. “ Brainy explained

“ alright, and why wasn’t I informed of this matter as soon as she was taken in? “ Kara questioned

“ well.. I know you’ve been having a tough time dealing with your fall out with our Lena so I was just planning on doing this quietly, I mean we’ve got everything handled. All there is to do is just find a way to bring her back to her time line and then patch the hole in the time line. You don’t need to involve yourself in this Kara. We’ve got this handled “ Kara sighs and rubs her temple

Rao, out of all of the things she had expected to happen today this was not one of them.

“ okay tell me everything and do not leave out a single detail. I mean it. “ she says with a stern voice

Alex and Brainy squirms out of nervousness. Kara Danvers is the personification of sunshine and rainbows ( ehem see what I did there? )

But Kara Zor-El? That’s a rare appearance, and she can be a bit scary. No, that’s putting it too far so let’s just go with extremely intimidating.

“ uh right, so one of the IT guys noticed money being taken out from the ATM machines from Lex Luthor’s secret hidden account and we traced it since you know, in case there’s a evil scheme going on or he’s alive. Again. Someone had taken out a huge amount of money so we investigated. We hacked the ATM and looked at the surveillance camera and it shows that it was Lena. It didn’t make sense at first because you know, Lena was here and then we have a spy at L Corp who had repor- “

“ a spy alex? We’re going to have another conversation about that later. But for now please continue “ Alex glances at Brainy who’s making himself busy to avoid being in this exact conversation

“ he reported that nothing was out of the ordinary so I had Brainy scan the footage for a foreign energy force and he detected one which wasn’t from here. She was staying at a motel to lay low I guess? So we ambushed her and brought her in for interrogation which is how we found out which time line she’s from also I pieced it together based on what you had told me after that night when you and myx.. you know. But she didn’t talk much, she just said that she was from that timeline and refuses to say anything else and wanted to talk to you so we put her into the holding cell “ Alex explained and before Kara could open her mouth Alex adds on

“ and about the Spy Kara, I get it okay? I’m not saying she’s evil or is planning something but for the sake of everyone, he is there to keep an eye on her to alert us if she’s up to something, but! Also, to keep her safe okay? it’s killing two birds with one stone. She’s safe like you want, and we’re keeping tabs on her like I want and that’s the best I can give you. “ Kara nods in defeat knowing that Alex is being reasonable. She likes the part where he’s there to keep an eye on her safety even though the thought of having a DEO spy on Lena doesn’t sit right with her.

“ was anyone hurt? “ she asked

“ no supergirl, it was fairly an easy mission actually. We may have taken her by surprise. She didn’t even put up a fight “ Brainy says

“ what? And none of you find that suspicious at all? “ Kara asks

“ I believe in the competency of our agents to carry out a mission, Supergirl. They are all very capabl- “ Brainy voices out but was again cut off by Kara

“ no I mean yes, I get it all of the agents here are great but it’s a bit weird don’t you think that she didn’t even fight back ? “ Kara asks the both of them

“ what are you saying? That she wanted to get caught? “ Alex asks

“ That could be a possibility seeing as Ms. Luthor herself is an extremely intelligent woman. Thinking back, it is highly likely that she was waiting for us. The question at hand however is, why? “ Brainy theorized

“ I’m going to talk to her, alone. “ Kara tells Alex and Brainy and she can see Alex wanted to oppose to the idea but gives in knowing how stubborn Kara can be.

You see, Lena is a genius and everybody knows that, she never does things without calculating every possible scenario happening. She would never do something without a backup plan. But this Lena? The one with kryptonite in her heart? She’s on another level of intellect. She would never had been caught in the first place unless she herself wanted to. Kara _knows_ Lena. No matter which Lena, she knows all of them.

Kara took a deep breath and walked into the holding room and there sitting on the ground with her chin up held high and her legs crossed was Lena.

As soon as she saw Kara she smirks and Kara ignores the reminder and tingling feeling she feels whenever her Lena would smirk at her. 

“ ah, there she is. The girl of steel herself, or Kara? That’s what you said your name was? I was wondering when we’d meet again “ she spoke with utmost confidence

“ why are you here and what do you want? You’re not here to kill me so what is it? “ Kara scans Lena. They have the same face but they give an entirely different vibe and aura. While the real Lena gives off a warm, calm, collected and understanding but yet fierce aura like a wolf. This Lena gives off a cold, chaotic and anger aura like a snake. She should be intimidated, she _is_ intimidated. But there’s a feeling of intriguingness? That was different from what she feels for the real Lena. They’re so similar but yet so different somehow.

“ What makes you think I’m not here to kill you? “ She stood up and walks until she’s in front of Kara.

“ If you wanted to kill me, I’d be dead already. From what I’ve heard? It was too easy. The DEO catching you? no, you wouldn’t be caught unless you _wanted_ to caught. You don’t even have a backup. So, unless this trip wasn’t intentional which is why you’re alone without a plan or this trip is intentional and you want something. From _me_. So, what is it? “ Kara takes a step forward standing directly in front of Lena to show that she wasn’t afraid and has the upper hand here.

Lena let out a small chuckle at the power play shown by the kryptonian.

“ You kryptonians and your righteous act, stop acting like you know me because you’ll never do. You should be wise and never underestimate me, I never act without a plan. Yes, I am here for a reason. While my hatred towards you and your kind runs deep, my hatred towards my mother runs deeper. “

She stares deep into Kara and Kara was lost in those dark emerald green eyes for a moment. She snapped herself out of it reminding herself that this wasn’t her Lena, because _her_ Lena couldn’t even stand the sight of her, much more to look into her eyes? So, no.

“ what do you mean? “ she stepped back and dragged a chair from across the room so it was positioned in front of Lena and sits down assuming a long conversation coming ahead.

“ making ourselves comfortable now are we? Glad one of us is “ Lena says as she plopped down to sit on the floor hugging her knees but still maintaining eye contact with confidence and they remain in front of each other with the bullet proof glass in between them.

Kara ignores the comment and almost smiles at how cute she looks hugging her knees

“ I thought your mother was dead in your time line? “ she asks

“ So did I, but apparently, Luthors have nine lives like cats which is surprising. Never thought a cute fluffy animal would be associate with us. “ Lena mumbles

Kara couldn’t help but let a small smile slip out. She clears her throat.

“ so? “ she urges wanting to know what in rao’s name is going on here

Lena seems to be annoyed at Kara’s tone so she rolled her eyes and mutters out

“ annoying alien bit- “

“ I have to go soon. The sooner you tell me, the sooner we’ll figure it out “ Kara can feel her face getting hot. It always does things to her when Lena curses and apparently this Lena in no different, okay maybe a bit more aggressive.

“ bitch “

Oh rao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sassy Lena. so do we like? or no? hehehe


	4. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! so thank you for all of your comments! Anyways, as usual feel free to comment any mistakes or anything.
> 
> can we just appreciate the supercorp scene during this week's episode? gosh.

**Chapter 4**

“ So it would appear that my mother had somehow survived. She escaped with someone who has the power to teleport anywhere, no matter the planet or timeline it would seem. She’s here. “ Lena says as she rolls her eyes.

“ what does that have to do with me and the DEO? “ Kara frowns not understanding what Lena wants from her.

“ Not the DEO. Just you. History shows that Luthors and Supers have always had bad blood. What do you think is going to happen with two Lilians on this time line? She would cause more damage than she had before, she’s dangerous and I don’t plan on letting her breathe any longer. With your… assistance, I can capture her for once and all without much trouble. “

“ why me? Where’s your uh… fancy robots? Why not use them or work with your um.. people “ Kara stammers

She’s still skeptical about all of this. As much as she trusts Lena, this Lena is way too different.

“ My mother is no idiot. She has spies everywhere. I don’t plan on letting this plan fail. I have to do this alone so there’s no chance of her finding out about my plans. If you choose to assist me, I can promise no attacks on you or your loved ones here on this time line “

There it is.

“ So this is black mail. You seem to not realize that you’re the one in this holding cell, not me. I won’t let you near anyone or cause chaos in my city. “ Kara stands up and puts her hands on her hips, her usual pose as supergirl to intimidate her.

Lena smirks and eyes Kara up and down.

“ what did I tell you? Never underestimate me. I can easily escape if I want to but I’m not going to. Because I want us to for once, work together. I’m willing to put behind my anger and resentment towards you because my mother is way more dangerous than I am. I’ve done my research on who you are and your family. Their safety will be guaranteed should you work with me. I want no involvement with the DEO. I only allowed myself to be taken in to show that I can in fact be rational and not attack anyone. “ Lena gets on her feet and walks backwards towards a bed that was in the cell

“ I’ll be good and behave while I’m here “ she adds with a smirk and Kara ignores the swirls she feels in her stomach

“ what if I say no? “ Kara challenges her

“ Alex Danvers, Eliz-“ Kara snaps at the mention of their names.

“ _what’s your point?_ “ she grits her teeth and asks Lena

“ I have my.. what did you say they were? Fancy robots, all around them. With a command from me they will attack. My robots are extremely high tech, you won’t be able to locate where they are and they won’t see the attack coming. But if you work with me, I’ll call off the attack and hand over my robots to you. I’m not here to fight with you as much as that would please me, I’m here for one reason only and that is to end my mother. “ she reasons

“ how do I know that you’re not lying? How do I know that you’re not going to kill me as soon as I help you? “ Kara is no fool. As much as the thought of Lilian getting captured is appealing there is still a lot she doesn’t understand about all of this.

“ _You don’t._ “ Lena simply says with a shrug

“ wow, very convincing “ Kara replied in a dead panned voice.

“ what? You want me to be on my knees and beg? In your kinky dreams “ Lena replies

“ wh- oh Rao! can you not? “ Kara’s face goes bright red.

“ who knew the girl of steel dreams of- “ Lena continues enjoying making the kryptonian blush and flustered

“ you said! “ she raises her voice out of desperation for Lena to stop. “ You said you want no involvement with the DEO. what do you mean by that? “ she asks

“ yes, they are extremely annoying and would just slow my plan down with their hypocrisy. So, it’s just you and I. “

“ so just a Luthor and a Super “ Kara mumbles

“ if I agree, after everything is settled. What happens then? “ Kara questions

“ I’ll willingly go back to my time line as promised “ Lena replies without hesitating

“ I need to think about this “ Kara says.

Lena moved her hands to the sleeves of her hand and rolls it until it reaches her elbow. Kara sees metals sewn into her skin and flinches at the thought of all the cruel things this Lena had been through at Lilian’s hands.

Lena pushed a button on her arm and teleported to beside Kara.

Her eyes went wide and her first instinct is to fight her, but Lena just stood there showing no signs of attacking her.

“ uh h-how di- Wh- uh “ she stutters 

“ I told you I’m just staying here to make you believe me and to show you that I mean you no harm if you assist me. I will remain here until you decide. You have until midnight to decide. I will release the robots one minute after midnight. “ Lena says and in a blink of an eye she’s back into the holding cell.

Kara blink as she regains herself and was about to walk out when she saw a flash of emotion across Lena’s face.

“ what? “ she asks

“ Nothing. Better hurry and make up your mind “ Lena said and lies down .

“ No, what is it? “ Kara pushes, her curiosity peaks

“ did you save me? in this time line “ She asks wihtou looking at Kara in a voice so soft and small that Kara is reminded of a child.

“ Always. “

After answering her Kara turns around and walks out without giving a chance to Lena to reply to her comment. She really does not have the strength to explore the topic right now. She sighs loudly as she walks through the hallway of the DEO.

“ Kara, no. “ Alex says as soon as Kara emerges from the hall ways.

“ I didn’t even say anything yet! “ Kara fights

“ I heard everything from the monitor and my answer is no “

“ It’s too dangerous. She might have a hidden agenda. Also, there’s no guarantee she’s telling the truth. It’s too much of a risk. Mom and I are fine, if there were robots near here Brainy or the detection system would have alerted us. “ Alex argues

“ I know, I’ve been thinking about that too Alex, but I can feel that she’s telling the truth. What if she’s not lying? If I don’t help her, you and Eliza are in danger and I do not want to test that. It’s safer for me to help her alone and then if she tries something we’ll figure it out. You and Brainy can think of something if she does try to kill me. I’m tough, I can fight her off until you guys come for back up. “ Kara reasons with her.

“ Kara, I really don’t like this. “

“ Alex, trust me on this please? We’ll just work this out and then when this whole thing with Lilian is over she’ll willingly go back to her time line. I’m sure by that time Brainy has already figured out how to patch up the hole. “ Alex sigs and groans

“ Fine, but I’m assigning agents all around your apartment and CatCo in case she’s up to something. If you feel something suspicious, contact me immediately. Kara, this is serious okay? “ Kara nods understanding where Alex is coming from.

“ we still need a way to keep a close eye on her “ Alex mumbles

“ what if she stays with me until all of this is settled? “

“ Fuck no. what do you mean? Have you gone insane? She’s staying in that damn cell “ Alex’s eyes went wide

“ Alex, there’s literally no point of that cell. She can teleport. Also, she poses no threat if I agree to work with her. I don’t see a reason why she has to be imprisoned “

“ I’ll ask Brainy to make something to block her teleportation then “

“ Alex. “ Kara warns and before Alex can say anything she cuts her off.

“ It makes sense okay? She doesn’t want any involvement with the DEO. If she stays with me then I can keep an eye on her at all times. The DEO is closer to my apartment and you said you’ll have agents around me so if something happens, it won’t take long for back up to arrive. “ Kara voices

“ Kara, she’s not our Lena. You have to remember that she’s a stranger. Sure, they have the same face but they are different okay? she’s much more vicious. You can’t trust her “ Alex places a hand on Kara’s shoulder, with a voice so gentle and full of care.

“ I know. But I do trust her. She’s shown no sign of hurting anyone yet. Unless something happens just… just trust me on this Alex. Please. “ Kara pleads

“ Okay, fine. “ Alex admits defeat

“ Just so you know, I really hate this. I want you to check in with me every few hours while working with her. “ Alex huffs and nods. Kara grins and hugs her tightly.

“ I’ll be fine “ she reassures Alex again.

“ So uh, can you send someone to explain what’s happening and protect Lena ? With two Lilians out there, it worries me. “ Alex softens and rubs her temples

“ I doubt anyone I send will even make it to her office. The last agent I sent to L Corp to send her the things she left here couldn’t even set foot into the building. I can get a few more agents to be around her though. “ Kara nods

“ I’m going to have to talk to her through the balcony of her office don’t I ? She already hates me Alex, if I go she’s going to think that I can’t even respect the one thing she asks of me. “

“ You’re there to warn her of her safety and about her mother. I think she’ll let it slide. I’ll be here if you need me. You know that. “

“ Right. Okay, I’ll call you later “

Kara hugs Alex and walks out towards the balcony at the DEO. she glances at the clock and sees that it’s almost 7pm. Lena’s definitely still at L Corp right now.

“ Here goes nothing “ she mumbles and takes off to L Corp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I smell a supercorp scene in the next chapter hehe and more lena!


	5. The meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always appreciated.  
> stay safe and happy reading! <3

**Chapter 5**

As Kara flew she gets more and more nervous, she even considered just flying back home and pleads Alex into dealing this for her, but with Lilian out there and up to something, she’s worried about Lena. It usually takes her less than 30 seconds but she’s nervous so she flew slowly and when the sight of L Corp came into view, her heart beats a bit faster than before.

“ Okay Kara, you can do this. It’s fine. You’ve got this “ she preps herself and flew towards the balcony.

She can see Lena typing away at her desk, she drinks in the sight of Lena in her sleeveless maroon vest and pant suit. Her blazer hung on the back of her chair. The lighting in the Lena’s office at night had always made her look more beautiful if that was even possible. She looks so pure and at peace. Kara hovers outside, not landing on the balcony, too lost and confused on how to go on with this. Kara takes a moment to listen in to Lena’s heart beat, it was calm and steady.

She takes a deep breath and hovers closer until she reaches the balcony door, as soon as her foot touches the ground she heard Lena’s voice. Icy, cold and just distant.

“ Leave. “ she says without turning around knowing now, that Kara could hear her just fine.

Kara flinched, not realizing that Lena knows she’s there.

“ I know, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have come here if it wasn’t important but I need to talk to you about some- “

She begins talking softly feeling sorry that she couldn’t do what Lena had asked her to do and walks over to the door and when hand touches the handle she saw Lena move in her seat.

Lena stood up and turns towards Kara. Her face clear of any emotion. Kara saw the slight quiver of her lips and the deafening sound of Lena’s fast heartbeat.

“ I meant what I said. I don’t want you near me, Supergirl. Leave. “ Lena’s voice was stern.

“ I know but you leave me no choice. Something’s happening and- “

“ so you’re here to check if I’m up to something bad? Check up on the Luthor? “ Lena questions

“ No, Len- “ Lena cuts her off

“ How does it feel to be a god supergirl? To have everyone worshipping you? Must have boosted up your ego quite a bit to fool me for years huh? “ Kara shakes her head and takes a step forward into the room

“ I’m no god. I make mistakes, Lena. I truly- “

“ Enough. I ask you for one thing. One thing only and even that you can’t give me. Figures. To think that I trusted and cared for you sickens me. You made me feel like an idiot, supergi- “

“ Stop calling me supergirl! My name is Kara. It’s Kara, Lena. I- I am still Kara. “ Kara raises her voice out of desperation and Lena stood there looking at her with her walls up so high Kara almost lost hope that they will get past this.

“ That’s the issue isn’t it? You’ve fooled me for years. Treated me hot and cold as Supergirl, but then you treated with so much warmth and kindness as Kara Danvers. How could you have been so manipulative? My god, I never really knew you, did I? You tell me that you’re Kara but the feelings I have for Kara and Supergirl are extremely different. Imagine how confused I am to know that they’re the same person, huh? Imagine how betrayed I felt or still feel to know that everything has been a lie or manipulation. I used to think that Kara Danvers is the only person that will never ever hurt me. If only I knew how wrong I was. “ Lena quickly wipes her tears and just stood there not looking at Kara but at the city.

“ I know I’ve done a lot of things that hurt you and I’m sorry. I really truly am. I’m still here for you and I’ve promised to always be your friend and to protect you so that’s what I’ll do even if you hate me. I care about you Lena, you know that. What I feel for you is genuine, it always has been and it always will be. “ Kara pleads as sincere as she can to show Lena that she’s not manipulating her or lying to her again.

Kara tries to not show how hurt she is that Lena absolutely hated her. She really does. She holds her tears in but fails as a few drops escape her ocean blue eyes. She wipes them off quickly with her shaking hands. She clears her throat and recomposes herself. Her thoughts are all over the place at the moment.

“ Le- “ Kara’s voice cracks as she fights hard not to cry.

“I just- I’d never hurt you, Lena. Ever. _Not again_.” She says so softly that Lena almost couldn’t hear her.

“ I never meant to hurt you. I wouldn’t have come if I had any other choice. I would rather you hate me than you hurt or dead, but your mother is up to somethi- “

“ _Just stop and leave._ “

Lena says and then reached for her blazer and puts it on and grabs her purse by the side of the desk.

“ Lena, please listen! Your mother is planning something. “ Kara takes a step forward closer to Lena but Lena holds her hand up motioning for Kara not to come near her.

“ Oh enough, my mother is always planning something. If you’re not leaving then I am “ she says and walks around her desk.

“ and please, _just go away Kara_. “ Lena mumbles and leaves

Now, Kara was alone in Lena’s office. A sob escaped her trembling lips. She walks out the balcony, slightly bends her knees and took off. She flies up, hard. She might even had broken the sound barrier, but who cares? Definitely not her.

She hovers in skies, above the clouds. She looks up to the moon and then down to the bits of the city that weren’t covered by the clouds.

Kara wonders how everything had changed. How in these last few months her life just keeps on crumbling little by little? Is this Karma? She feels so out of control of her life right now.

She stays up there for a while taking deep breaths and just enjoying the peace.

She looks at her watch reading that it’s nearing 8pm which means it’s been almost half an hour since she’s been hovering in the skies. She takes a final deep breath and flies down, there are more pressing matters to address right now.

She flies towards the DEO and lands. She walks fast through the halls wanting to avoid everyone and Alex because she would absolutely have asked what happened and Kara does not want to talk right now.

She walks into the holding room where they were keeping the other Lena. Her eyes locked on the floor as she walks across the room.

Kara takes a seat at the chair she had previously re-arranged.

“ so ? “ Lena asks as soon as Kara was sitting.

“ Okay. but you’ll be staying at my apartment until all of this is settled “ Kara looks at her boots, not daring to look at Lena.

“ No. If you so much as thi- “ Lena begins to protests but halts when when Kara cuts her off.

“ Please just agree. I really don’t have the energy for this “ Kara says but her voice could barely be heard. If Lena didn’t have enhanced hearing she definitely wouldn’t have heard that.

“ I can stay at a hotel or somewhere but I absolutely will not stay with you. “ Lena says trying to figure out what’s different with the kryptonian

“ You can’t walk around with Lena’s face. The reporters and paparazzi will take pictures on your uh… new look. Lena will definitely notice. Also, you don’t have any money. The DEO has already searched others secret accounts and frozen all of it and if you take money from Lena’s account she’ll definitely notice and report to the bank and it’s just going to be a lot of other stuffs that we have to deal with “ Kara mumbles

“ well, excuse me if Lena’s face is the same as my face considering that I am Lena, in case you’ve forgotten. Also, my look is fine, thank you very much. I have other places that I can get money from. I’m no fool. “ Lena scoffs and then she realized that Kara had not looked her ever since she came into the room and was not her usual self.

Kara rubs her face with both of her hands.

“ Look, it’s not a discussion. You’re coming home with me and that’s it. “ Kara says gently and her still head low watching her boots.

“ are you this demanding in the bedroom ? “ Lena asks

“ what? “ Kara looks up with her eyebrows furrowed

“ what? “ Lena repeats Kara.

Lena looks at Kara wondering why the sudden change of attitude. Even before when she was kind of threatening her family… sure, Kara was a bit mad but there was still that sparkle of brightness that radiates around her. But now? she seems… lost, broken and just numb.

Lena recognizes it. She’s been through it. She knows how lost and out of control it makes you feel. She softens without her even realizing it. She wonders what could be said in this kind of situation. She’s never had to comfort anyone before, given that she’s never had friends before and not like she wants to comfort Kara but it was just weird to watch her like this.

It’s weird for Lena. Somehow, she feels a connection to Kara and trusts her which is odd considering they’re literally strangers.

Kara sighs loudly and tilts her head up. Her posture turns into lazy and she slides down a bit from her chair to rest the back of her head against the top of the chair. Her eyes find Lena’s and Kara just… _stares_. Kara looks deep into her eyes. Full of hurt, longing and sadness.

Lena was taken aback by that stare. She literally can feel Kara’s vulnerability at the moment. It just shows and was just… out in the open. It was new and suffocating for her.

A few awkward minutes pasts and none of them had said a word. Kara just kept staring at her and Lena finally gives in.

“ Fine. I’d really thought you’d buy me dinner first alongside with some manners but okay. “ Lena says

Kara lets out a low chuckle and gives her a lopsided smile. The sadness was still clear on her face and Lena wonders what could have happened to make the kryptonian this sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew.


	6. mi casa es su casa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! oh gosh I don't know how to go on without supercorp content until next year. lol
> 
> stay safe! I added angst and slow burn to the tags hehe
> 
> feel free to point put any mistakes!

**Chapter 6**

“ Here we are. Welcome to my humble home! mi casa es su casa and all that. “ Kara says as soon as they enter her apartment.

“ one second you’re all depressed and then you’re all happy again. “ Lena mutters under her breath as she walks in and looks at every inch of the apartment. She looks at the shelf near the tv and saw pictures of Kara and her friends and then she saw her own face. A picture of just Lena and Kara smiling at the camera. She grabbed that picture and analyzed herself.

“ does she does know that our mothers are up to something? “

“ yes, I did tell her that so she’ll take precautions for her own safety but knowing her? She didn’t take it seriously. Probably acts as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Water? “

Kara asks

“ does this Lena know I’m here? “ she asks, her eyes still glued to the picture

“ oh, um no. I didn’t exactly have the time to tell her. “ Kara emerges from the kitchen with two cups of water.

Lena puts the picture down, ignoring Kara’s offer for water. She stood there looking at the picture once more, and turns around to look at Kara.

“ let’s make a few things clear during out partnership shall we? “ Lena says

  
“ uh, okay? “ Kara says, unsure of what Lena wants to talk about.

“ We’re not friends nor will we ever be. “ Lena says and Kara almost choked on air when she said that. The memories of when _her_ Lena had said almost exactly the same thing to her a couple weeks ago clouded her mind.

“ I’m holding off my plans to kill you until my mother is no longer a threat. I agree to stay here because staying at the DEO is rather suffocating and you and your friends probably won’t trust me if I’m out of your sight most of the time. So, don’t confuse me with that Lena. We might be the same person but we are nothing alike. “ she points at the picture on the shelf

“ oh, you don’t have to worry about that “ Kara says so quietly Lena almost couldn’t hear her if it weren’t for her enhanced hearing. Kara looks at the cup on her lap and fiddles with it.

“ Good. Now, you’ll take the couch and I’ll take the bed “ Lena says and walks towards the bedroom

“ Wow rude much?. I was going to offer that anyways. Unlike someone, I for one, have manners. “ Kara mumbles while eyeing Lena who’s now ignoring her.

Kara stands up and follows her to the bedroom, leaning her sides to the side of the door.

Lena was looking around the bedroom and when her eyes lands on Kara, she raises her left eyebrow in question.

“ As much as women attract me, I don’t sleep with my enemies. In case you took the comment I made earlier seriously, it was me being sarcastic. Honestly, you kryptonians. “ She says and Kara rolls her eyes

“ ha ha very funny “ Kara replies with a dead panned voice

“ thank you, years of depression just makes you mask everything with humor “ Lena says rather seriously and Kara snorted at the ‘ thank you ‘ Lena had said but when Lena’s facial expression remains stoic she clears her throat and scratches her head.

“ um so, there’s comfortable clothes in the second drawer and the toilet is just around the corner. There’s an extra toothbrush on the counter. Tomorrow Alex will come here with a bunch of stuff for you to make our mission easier. “ Kara says

“ what kinds of stuffs? “ Lena asks as she goes through the drawer for a change of clothes.

“ phone, image inducer, tracking device, a new identity for you and other cool stuffs I guess? We’ll find out more tomorrow. “ Lena faces Kara and her face shows curiosity so Kara raises her head motioning Lena to speak

“ image inducer? Why would I need that? “ she questions

“ because you, walking around like Lena going through a goth phase would attract the media and Lena will know about you. “ Kara says nonchalantly

“ goth phase? Excuse you, you’re the one who has no sense of fashion dressing like a walking four year old rainbow like your body is a coloring book “ Lena replies with venom in her voice

Kara’s body shakes as she holds in her laughter

“ you’ve been calm and collected all this time but you’re getting mad at me about you’re sense of fashion? Oh Rao! “ Kara laughs

Lena tilts her head and glares at the laughing hero who immediately stops laughing and looks at the floor when she noticed the death glare.

Lena looks at the hero and a small smile escapes her emotionless features.

“ honestly, the image inducer will help you go under the radar. It won’t change your image much, just makes you look a tad bit different. We don’t want your mother to know you’re here now do we? “ Kara smirks knowing she has a point

“ Whatever, we’ll talk more of this tomorrow. So, are you going to watch me change? I knew you were annoying but I never would have pegged you as a pervert too with all the blushing that you do, kyrptonian “ Lena says as she places the clothing she’s picked by the side of the bed. She starts pulling off her boots and placing them by the foot of the bed.

Kara gasps and her face goes bright red at the comment

“ hey! You could have changed in the toilet you know? I’m not a pervert! I am a very respectable person. Also, can you please stop calling me that? I have a name you know? Geez, what’s a girl got to do to be treated nicely. “ Kara grumbles and walks back towards the couch.

Kara slumps herself onto the couch and drapes the blanket over her, feeling tired after the day that she has had. Her mind drifts off to her Lena who’s probably at home still working or drinking her scotch. She closes her eyes and stretches her body and couldn’t help but moan as her muscles stretches nicely.

“ tone in down pervert “ she hears Lena’s voice from her bedroom, the door was left opened so it was easy to hear her plus it also helps that both of them have super hearing.

“ I was just stretching you Grinch!” Kara bites back

“ fuck off “ Kara rolls her eyes and stares at the ceiling with a thousand of thoughts running through her mind. Just as her eyes were about to close and she was about to drift off to dream land she hears a voice so gentle like when Lena had asked if she had saved her in this time line at the DEO.

“ why do you hate me? In my time line, I mean. “ Kara’s heart breaks a little when she hears it and she frowns not knowing why Lena thought she hated her.

“ I don’t hate you, why makes you think that I do? “ Kara replies with her eyes closed and her hands clenching so tight her nails might pierce her skin if she was human

“ You didn’t save me. Was a Luthor not worth saving to you? but you are friends with one here, or are you just using her as well? “ Lena’s voice was no longer gentle, in fact it was laced with anger and defensiveness.

“ No! I would never do that to her. It’s not what you think okay? “ Kara sighs loudly and rubs her temple

“ then? “

“ I lied to her about who I was for a very long time and when she found out, she was hurt. _She was so hurt_. I just, I didn’t know what to do to make it better or fix us. I thought she’d be better off if we never met so I would never have caused her that much pain. I didn’t know it would… “ Kara stops mid sentence not knowing what to say next

“ it would make me into a killing machine for you kryptonians? That my mother would torture me for years? And that I would become a monster? “ Kara closes her eyes tighter when Lena’s snaps at her

“ It’s just- No matter what I do… I just end up messing it all up. If I knew, I would have saved and protected you like I did on this time line. I would have been there for you. “ Kara says earnestly.

“ pretty words won’t make me feel better “ Kara can feel the tears dropping to her hairline and the sides of her face. She stays silent and controls her breathing and sobs not wanting Lena to know she’s crying when she’s the one who had caused her pain.

“ I mildly appreciate you assisting me on this mission, but it does not make me hate you any less. As soon as this is over, I’ll go back to my time line but if we ever cross paths again, I’ll go all out on you. I don’t care which version of you. “ Lena says and Kara hears shuffles of her bedsheet probably from Lena re positioning herself.

Kara wipes her tears and tries to sleep. Everything is just going so horribly for her. She feels as if when she had first arrived on Earth again. Everything is just so out of her control and she has no clue on how to adjust.

“ I know and I deserve that. I’m tired too you know? I’m so tired of apologizing. I know I should have told her earlier but there was never a right time and she would have been in more danger. My enemies are much more powerful and they’ll stop at nothing to hurt the ones I love. It’s happened before. I know it’s not a good excuse but to be honest if someone gave me another chance of telling her early on at the beginning of our friendship? I wouldn’t take it because I know it’ll end badly. I know no other way of doing things other than the way I did it. “

After a moment of silence Kara assumes that Lena had gone to sleep. She positions herself on the couch comfortably and says in a voice slower than normal to the empty space of her apartment

“ _I’m hurt too but no one seems to see nor care about that._ “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this started off as a one shot but I decided to try and write more so there's a change of tags. Also, I know you all want the juicy Kara and the real Lena stuff but it's still a work in progress. I hope you guys enjoy this since I'm fairly new and trying my best and all of the comments so far have been so encouraging and kind. thank you so much and stay safe!


	7. She has you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey as usual feel free to comment! thank you for reading.
> 
> stay safe xoxo

**Chapter 7**

Morning light shines through Kara’s open space apartment, it was probably 10am when loud bangs starting sounding from the door making the blonde woman on the couch grunt in annoyance.

“ go away, Alex “ she says and puts her pillow over her head.

Kara frowns when the banging continues and whines. Now, if she wasn’t so sleepy she would have noticed that someone was hovering above her with an amused smile on her face looking at the sleepy and grumpy kryptonian on the couch.

“ honestly, what’s the point of having a spare key if you don’t use it Alex? “ she mumbles, still laying on the couch showing no signs of moving

“ want me to get that for you, your highness? “ Kara’s eyes shot open when she heard a voice above her head. She looked up and saw Lena looking at her with the same stoic face in her black oversized hoodie and sweatpants standing there with one of her eyebrows raised.

Kara shakes her head trying to wake herself up.

“ it’s a bit too early for you snarky comments don’t you think? “ Kara sat up and uses her hand to comb through her hair. The loud banging stopped for a moment and Kara was relieved thinking that Alex finally is using her spare key because Kara is just way too lazy to get up right now.

“ um hello? I’ve been knocking for minutes out there and neither of you even bothered to open the door! “ Alex walks in with three bags in her hands

“ just wanted to see if you knew how to use your spare key “ Kara replies with a grin

Lena walks over to Alex and takes a seat at the chair near the counter.

“ so what are these? “ she asks and pulls out a couple of items from Alex’s bag.

“ that is an image inducer and stop touching things “ Alex says with a sharp look directed at Lena as she takes back the image inducer from Lena’s hands and Lena rolls her eyes at Alex’s attitude.

“ look, I get it okay? I just want to capture my mother and then I’m gone. “ Lena tries to rationalize with Alex

“ I know but that still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t trust you to not hurt my sister or anyone else for the matter. So until then, I’m keeping my eye on you. “ Kara squeezes in front of Alex to try to ease the tension in the room

“ okay! let’s just go over these and then Alex can go back to the DEO “ Kara hurriedly changes the topic and feels a bit of relieve when both Alex and Lena nods their head in agreement.

“ alex? “ Kara looks at Alex to take lead on explaining everything.

“ Fine. if you push this button here, it will change how you look. It won’t change much, just so others don’t see the resemblance of Lena. And here is a phone, I’ve put in mine, Kara’s and Brainy’s number in here. I know you don’t want to work with the DEO but since you are working with Kara, you’re tied to the DEO. We’ll minimize our involvement and that’s it but if anything happens to her you call me. Got it? “ Alex gives a stern warning to the unbothered Lena.

“ bossy “ Lena mutters under her breath and before Alex could respond Kara intervenes

“ next? “

“ There are some documents about Lilian from the DEO like you asked Kara. There’s also some clothes I got that would be her size “ Alex points at the other two bags.

“ I will not wear a stranger’s clothes “ Lena says

“ you’re wearing my clothes right now. “ Kara points out

“ it’s because I had no choice and it was already late last night “ Lena fights back “ I’ll head out and buy some of my own clothes “

“ you don’t have any money, remember? “ Kara reminds her

“ I do have money, kryptonian. Don’t insult my intelligence, my memory or my money ever again “ Lena warns

Alex shakes her head and says “ look, just go out shopping after I’m done explaining all of this gadget stuff and then when you’re back Lena can practice using all of these okay? “ Alex says out of desperation since she’s already late for work

“ okay “ Kara and Lena both nods their head

“ Did you tell Lena about Lena? “ Alex asks Kara who looks at her with a confused expression at first but then shakes her head when she understood what she meant

“ Kara “ Alex’s voice was full of concern knowing that Kara is yet again lying to Lena

“ In my defense, she didn’t exactly gave me time to talk Alex! I tried but she kept cutting me off and then she left “ Alex was about to say something else when Lena chimes in their conversation

“ I think it’s for the best that she doesn’t know. Lilian keeps a really close eye on her, we can’t bring her in “

“ isn’t that the more reason to tell her? “ Alex asks

“ It’d be best if she’s kept in the dark. If she’s involved in this then Lilian will know something is going on and suspects something “ Kara’s facial expression softens and nods

“ we have to tell her at some point though, what if Lilian plans to hurt her? “ Kara voices her concern

“ No she won’t, her motives of coming here is to find a way to kill a monster she created. Me. Not this time line’s Lena”

Alex and Kara looked at each other feeling sorry and uncomfortable with Lena addressing herself as a monster.

“ look, you already told her that Lilian is up to something right? “ Lena asks Kara

“ yeah, but She shrugged it off saying that Lilian is always up to something “

“ She’s not wrong though, but you’ve already warned her about the threat. My existence has no relevance to her “ Lena says

“ how can you be sure that the Lilians won’t hurt her? “ Alex asks

“ the Lilians, Alex? “ Kara lets out a giggle 

“ I know my mother. Plus, if I suspect your Lena to be in danger I would do something about it. As much as I hate myself, she’s still human here right? I’ll do anything to keep a version of myself stay human and not turn into… this. “ Lena gestures to herself and stiffens when Kara steps forward and hugs Lena sideways

“ what the hell are you doing? Get the fuck off me you perverted kryptonian! “ Lena pushed Kara back and glares at her

“ I just thought you could use a hug. You’ve been through a lot. You’re safe here, you know. I’ll have your back no matter what. “ Kara says and Lena was once again, taken aback by Kara’s actions and words directed at her. The two women kept staring at each other, one was looking shocked and something Alex couldn’t decipher while the other one looks with her face full of understanding and sadness.

Alex clears her throat bringing the other two women out of their little bubble

“ shall we? “ Alex says as she bring out a device from the bag.

“ touch me again and I’ll blast you away with kryptonite, got it? “ Lena says to Kara who nods her head like a child after getting told off.

They spent about two hours going over every item that Kara and Lena could use to go against Lilian. Alex left as soon as they were done. They both sat on by the counter, Lena still analyzing a couple of stuff and Kara with her head on the counter huffing and puffing out of hunger.

“ look, we’ll practice you using that later okay? let’s just go out to have eat and then we can shop for your clothes “ Kara unleashes her puppy dog eyes literally begging for food

“ I can shop on my own. Having you around me at all times is annoying, I won’t do anything evil if that’s what you’re worried about “ Lena says dropping the gadget from her hand.

“ nu uh, I need to make sure you buy something other than black clothing. It’s like you have a contract with goth or something “

Lena sighs and walks into the bedroom to find something decent to wear to go out from Kara’s wardrobe.

“ Not that you would know but if I wear anything other than black, people will see the glow from my chest. “ she says with her teeth gritted

Kara looked at her shocked and embarrassed that she hadn’t thought about that at all. Truth to be told, she forgot about the little information.

“ oh. Um I’m so- “ Lena rolls her eyes

“ Stop apologizing. I thought you said you were tired of apologizing? You say it like it’s a prayer or something. It’s fine, you’re not being insensitive. People don’t usually have kryptonite embedded in their chest “ Kara nods her head out of awkwardness

“ right. I’ll just wait for you outside and then we can go “ Kara closes the door to give Lena her privacy and takes a long deep breath.

Lena had worn a face mask because they still hadn’t tried out the image inducer yet. Their ride to the shops Lena wanted to go was a bit awkward but nonetheless Kara still feels guilty for not taking her situation into consideration.

“ thank god this shop exists in this time line too “ Lena mutters under her breath as soon as they got out of the car

They got in and Kara let Lena choose her clothes, of course all of them are black. She didn’t say a word. She stood by her side and just accompanied her everywhere. It was fine, the air around them wasn’t as awkward as before. Kara can see Lena slowly getting comfortable and she’s happy for her. It was nice to see Lena so loose like this. It reminds her of her many late nights with _her_ Lena watching movies and playing games and just enjoying each other’s company.

Kara’s head almost explodes when she realizes what shop they are in after zooning out. They were at Victoria secret. Holy molly.

“ uh what are we doing here? “ Kara whispers

“ are you blind or just dumb ? “ Kara rolls her eyes at her reply

“ I can’t exactly just wear one pair of bra and underwear the whole time I’m here, woman. “ Lena says

“ huh so it’s woman now? “ Kara grins

“ would you rather your original nickname? “ Lena challenges

“ nope! We’re good. I’ll take what I can get “ Kara says and almost chokes when she sees Lena grabbing a pair of red lace underwear

“ pervert “ Lena says with a smirk when she hears Kara squeaks and the color of her face go red as a tomato

“ you know what? I’m going to get some fresh air outside “ Kara says and rushes out in a hurry missing the laugh Lena let out behind her.

“ oh god, honestly why does she need that type of underwear? Normal underwear would have been fine. Oh rao “ Kara mumbles as she stood in front of the shop, her face maintaining bright red.

Kara tries to clear her head out from all of the unholy thoughts she had just had.

It took an hour for Lena to finish buying her undergarments in that store and it was the longest hour of Kara’s life. Waiting outside while Lena’s look-a-like or rather Lena herself? was buying undergarments? She’s literally going to have to beg for forgiveness tonight before bed.

After Lena was done, by the time they went back home it was already starting to get dark.

They ate dinner while Kara fills Lena in on what Lilian had done on this time line and they talked about some of the plans to luring her out of her hiding.

Kara insist on Lena trying out her outfit with the image inducer on to see how different she’ll look and smiles in satisfaction when Lena agrees after insulting her at least a hundred times.

The living room was a mess, there were clothes scattered everywhere. One of Lena’s jacket was on the floor behind Kara’s couch, one of her undershirts she had bought was hanging on the side of the armrest and a few of her pants were bundled up on the couch as Lena tries her outfit for Kara.

“ wow! You look so different! I mean I can see a bit of resemblance but if I didn’t know Lena, I’d say you two totally look nothing alike right now! “ Kara says with a smile

“ fucking hell, thank god this is the last one or else I might actually kill you “ Kara chuckles as Lena curses for the millionth time that hour

Kara flops down to the ground and sits with her leg crossed looking at Lena who was taking off her jacket muttering something along the lines off ‘ bossy blonde aliens and their annoying mouths ‘

“ I still think we should tell Lena “ she voices, her eyes glued to the ground

“ I said no “ Lena replies without any snappy comments or coldness in her voice

Kara smiles at that, she knows Lena’s starting to feel comfortable around her. She can see it, this Lena and her Lena might be different but they’re still pretty similar in some ways. Kara can read Lena like an open book, but this Lena? It’s the same… but the book’s just badly torn apart. She just has to look closely and cautiously flip the page to find what she’s looking for and understand the other woman.

“ she deserves to know that you’re here “ Lena sighs and flips her hair to the other side with her hand and Kara couldn’t help but admire her beauty. Lena always puts on a stoic expression and acts as if she doesn’t have feeling and moments like this, when she’d do something so normal, something like _her_ Lena would do, Kara feels something.

“ she’s better off not knowing I’m here “ Lena says confidently but Kara senses that she’s hiding something. She decides not to push it right now but definitely stores it at the back of her mind.

“ how can you be sure of that? her mother is as dangerous as your mother and they are teaming up for something. If Lena gets hurt…” Kara trails off not wanting to continue the sentence

“ my mother and her mother are different. We might be the same person, but we’re from different time lines. Everything is different. Her mother won’t hurt her, but my mother? She might, which is why keeping Lena out of this and focusing on my mother is our first priority “

“ but what if her mother is planning to hurt Lena? “ Kara grimaced while looking at Lena

“ Oh for fuck’s sake. Lena is going to be fine! You know why I’m sure of that? because she wasn’t tortured and experimented on by Lilian on this time line. Because she’s not a fucking machine walking around with a stone deadly to a specific type of alien in her fucking chest “ Kara remains still in her position at the ground not looking up at Lena.

“ _she’s fine because she has you._ “ Kara turns her head to Lena so fast she could have had whiplash

“ so just, relax okay? “ Lena says in a gentle voice which shocks both of them

“ going soft on me? “ Kara smirks

“ oh please, I didn’t say that because I like you. I just said that to keep you from annoying me more that you already have “ Lena says and lets a smile slip out. Kara saw that and lets out a loud laugh with her eyes closed and her head tilted back.

“ Kara? “ She hears Lena saying her name and opens her eyes in shock

“ hmm? wow, never thought I’d see the day where you call me by my name “ Kara says as she chuckles

“ I didn’t say anything, _kryptonian_ “ Lena looks at her, confused as to what Kara was talking about.

“ what? Then who- “ both of their head turns their head to the front door when they hear the same voice.

“ I know you’re in there “ she hears Lena’s voice a bit more louder again but it wasn’t coming from the Lena in front of her. It was coming through the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drum rolls hehehe


	8. I can wait

**Chapter 8**

Kara’s eyes almost came out of her eye socket when she realized who was the door and she checked it with her x-ray vision to make sure. She looked at Lena in panic.

“ crap! crap! you need to hide! “ Kara jumps out of the sofa and practically pushes the confused woman into her bedroom

“ wha- hey! Stop push- “ Kara swears if Lena could shoot lasers out of her eyes she’d be dead by now. Kara’s hands are now on Lena’s mouth motioning her to be quiet and Lena is shooting daggers with her eyes at the super.

“ it’s Lena! She’s out there “ Kara whispers loudly

“ say you’re busy or something “ Lena whispers back

“ I can’t do that! it’s Lena! “ Lena rolls her eyes

“ jesus fuck, and why not? “

Kara runs her hand through her hair and her shoulder drops a little

“ because, it’s Lena okay? “

“ I know who she is. For the love of god… you know what? I’ll handle it “ Lena was about to walk pass Kara when Kara grabs her arm

“ what now?! “ she hissed

“ look, let me handle it okay? just let me see what she wants, just stay in here please? “ She pleads and she uses her superspeed to clean up the mess in the living room. In her hurry, she didn’t realize that she missed a couple of clothing and closes the bedroom door leaving the confused and angry woman in there alone.

Kara silently prays that she stays put and quiet. She zooms towards the front door and as soon as she opened it, she almost couldn’t breathe.

“ Lena! Hey! Wha- um what are you doing here? I mean, it’s not like I don’t want you here! if anything I’m glad you’re here and I- “ Kara’s rambling was cut off when she noticed Lena was holding a box in her hand.

“ can I come in? “ Lena asks and Kara mutters a ‘ yeah ‘ before stepping to the side to let her in.

Lena walks in and puts the box on the top of the counter when she notices two cups in the sink and the trash of Kara’s favorite take out place. Lena tilts her head to the side a bit and Kara knows that she’s thinking of something.

“ these are your stuff that you left at my apartment. “ Lena says as she nudged the box.

If the air surrounding them wasn’t so awkward she would have laughed at how it sounded. It sounded as if they were a couple after a break up. Kara nods and leans hear back to the door with both of her hands tucked behind her.

“ so you’re here to give me my things at 1am? “ Kara asks skeptically

“ I couldn’t sleep and having your things there is just… _distracting_ “ Lena says and her eyes remains on the box containing Kara’s clothes, her books that she had left behind as well as her blanket and a couple more things.

They both were frozen in their spots, both not saying a word until they heard something drop in Kara’s bedroom.

Kara took a sharp breath and mentally panics, afraid that Lena will notice that someone else in in here.

“ …is someone here? “ Lena asks staring right into Kara’s soul and she shrinks a little feeling as if she was caught doing something bad

“ wha- “ Kara walks over into the kitchen standing beside Lena

“ there’s two cups in the sink and I just heard some noise from the bedroom “ Lena lays out the facts and looks around to scan the room. She notices the jacket behind the couch on the floor and saw a black women’s undershirt but the side of the couch. Kara saw the clothes that she had missed while tidying up in a hurry and panics more than before. She sees Lena’s jaw tightens.

“ well, uh it’s- “ Kara stutters still not knowing what to say, should she tell the truth or lie?

She saw Lena nods with a pained expression for a moment and before she could say anything, her phone which was on the counter rings and the id shows that it was Alex with a message saying ‘ something came up, call me when you’re both awake tomorrow, we need to talk ‘ .

Kara silently curses her bad luck and the horrible timing of everything. Kara knows Lena saw the message it as it was right in front of her and Kara flinched knowing that Lena had misunderstood the situation.

Kara just stood there looking at counter like it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen thinking of ways to tell Lena. Her body was facing Lena and they were just a few steps apart from each other. The silence was deafening for Kara. She was about to explain when Lena beat her to it with a sharp comment.

“ fun night? “ Lena questions with venom in her voice and Kara recognizes that look on Lena’s face. It was Lena’s ‘ I’m extremely mad, disappointed and hurt but I’ll ignore it for now and attack you first ‘ face. Lena takes a step towards her, still looking directly at her.

Kara opened her mouth but closes it again. What is she supposed to say? ‘ hey there’s another version of you in my bedroom with a kryptonite heart. She was abused and tortured by your mother who’s working with her mother which means there’s two versions of you and your mother in this time line‘. How does she explain all of that without sounding crazy? Not to mention the other Lena doesn’t want her to know that she exists. She kept thinking of ways to explain the situation to Lena so that she won’t freak out but then, Lena lets out a small chuckle at Kara’s silence assuming that her theory was correct.

“ it’s not what you think “ Kara gently says wanting to clear the misunderstanding between them.

“ Wow! I mean, were you also playing with my feelings like how you played me for a fool? “ Lena snapped

“ seriously it- “ Kara tries to explain to her but Lena scoffs and takes another step forward towards Kara

“ I mean I know we never talked about it but really? just _yesterday_ you claimed that what you felt for me was real and then you brought someone else home? I just find it funny, Kara. Really. “ Lena was fuming now

“ can you please just liste- “ Kara can see Lena trying to hold in her tears

“ where is she? was she good? I mean, she must be right? since you don’t look as if you’ve slept yet and all of the clothes scattered here. Where’d you find her? Did you call her after our talk? How long have you been fucking her huh? Did you enjoy it? Did I interrupt you two, Kara? “ with every word that comes out of Lena’s voice, her voice raises and it was clear that there were tears in her eyes and Kara wanted nothing more than to hug her but she can’t. Not when Lena is mad at her, not when Lena doesn’t _want_ her.

“ it’s not like that!“ Kara raises her voice slightly to grab Lena’s attention and takes a step forward until they are both standing in front of each other. Their faces are so close that Kara could see every feature of Lena’s face clearly, she could see Lena’s lashes and her green emerald eyes that were directly in front of her. Her eyes drop to Lena’s red lips for a second and then her eyes find their way back to Lena’s eyes. Lena was breathing heavily and her eyes were red. Lena takes a deep shaking breath and closes her eyes, her cheeks now wet with her tears.

Kara leans forward until their foreheads touched and reached to touch Lena’s cheeks wiping the tears from her face. Her thumb caresses Lena’s cheekbones and Kara just stood there with her eyes closed, admiring the feeling of Lena’s soft skin under her finger tips, she breathes in Lena’s intoxicating and addictive perfume and she pushed forward a bit until Lena’s back hit the counter and Kara’s other hand held the counter top. Successfully trapping Lena there. The sound of Lena’s fast heartbeat made her more nervous.

Kara wanted nothing more than to kiss her and show Lena how much she means to her. She just wants to be close to Lena. She wants to hug her, to touch her, to kiss her, to cuddle with her and spend hours and hours just worshiping the goddess in front of her and assures Lena that she is loved and cared.

And Kara wants Lena to do the same to _her_. Kara had always been the protector and for once, _just this once_ , she wants to be the one who feels protected, to be taken care of, to be loved, to feel safe and warm in the arms of someone who has her whole heart. She wants this feeling of security and comfort to last. She wants to be assured that _she_ is loved too. She wants to be assured that she is good enough. _She wants the be acknowledged as someone who had done their very best._

Kara was actually surprised that Lena didn’t push her away. She could practically feel Lena’s breath on her lips. _That’s how close they are._ She moved her head and kisses Lena on her forehead, lingering for a while and when she pulls back and was about to take a step back, she feels Lena’s hand grabbed her shirt not wanting Kara to move away from her. So, Kara didn’t. Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist while the other at her shoulder and held her close. She held her tightly as if Lena would disappear the moment she let go. Her heart swells in this moment. She memorizes the sound of Lena’s fast heartbeat and the way it feels to have Lena in her arms again.

“ _I’m still mad at you._ “ Lena mumbles disgruntledly while her face is buried at the crook of Kara’s neck.

Lena’s hands grip tightly around Kara’s waist and for a moment there, they forgot about everything. It had been so long since they’ve hugged each other. They both had missed each other so much. They were trapped in their own little bubble until Kara heard the other Lena’s whisper from her room, knowing that Kara could hear her.

“ remember, don’t tell her about me “ Kara sighs feeling confused as to how to handle this situation.

On one hand she could just tell Lena the truth and not lie to her again, on the other hand if she does tell Lena then the other Lena would be extremely pissed. Kara weights her pros and cons and before she could come to a conclusion she heard the other Lena whisper again.

“ I’ll teleport to the roof and stay there until she’s gone. “ Kara felt relieved for the time being, thankful that she understood that they needed privacy. She notes down to thank her properly after this. Kara looks down at Lena whose face is pressed to her body.

“ Lena“ Kara says with her voice so gentle it could put a baby to sleep.

“ _shut up._ “ her voice muffled with Kara’s shirt, her grip never once weakened and she doesn’t show any signs of letting Kara go or move so Kara gently strokes Lena’s hair. She understands Lena needs time to process everything, she’s probably overwhelmed with emotions. Lena has never been one to show emotions ever but as they got closer she would let it show and open up to Kara. Ever since they drifted apart Kara had noticed Lena stopped showing what she truly felt and the wall that Kara had worked so hard to break down is now sturdier than ever.

If Kara was human the way that Lena clung to her would have made her body numb. Lena had worn a red coat with a black button up and pants and it makes her look extremely beautiful.

If Lena’s heartbeat is fast then hers is no different and with Lena’s face pressed to her chest, she had no doubt Lena could hear it.

Kara heard Lena take a sharp breath and then pushed Kara further away from her. She sees Lena gather her herself and move past Kara.

“ I’m sorry about my outburst, had a few drinks before coming here. “ Lena said with her back towards Kara, walking towards the door.

Kara watched in slow motion when Lena reached for the door knob of her front door apartment and within seconds Kara is standing beside Lena with her hand holding the door close, almost as if she is hugging Lena from behind. Once more they stand close to each other but not like before, Kara put a bit of distance them, not wanting to overwhelm Lena. Kara’s mouth near Lena’s ear, her chin near Lena’s shoulder, her front _almost_ pressing against Lena’s back.

“ what are you doing? “ Lena asked, her body stiff as if a simple move would make her break in half

“ _what are you doing_ ? “ Kara replied her voice much lower and breathier than she intended them to be.

“ God, I don’t know, Kara. I just really don’t know. Okay? “ Lena says as she leans back a little, their bodies now pressed against each other’s.

“ I’m sorry “ Kara sneaks her arms around Lena’s waist and rests her chin on her shoulder. Kara feels an oasis of serenity when Lena seems to just relax and melts in her arms.

“ _I know_ “ Lena whispers

Kara’s starting to get really tired of them not talking to each other about everything. The push and pull game they have been playing is starting to wear her out.

During the whole Lex thing they had worked together and Lena had tolerated her at best. They communicated about work and that’s it. If they were a chance of Kara to bring up about their friendship, relationship or whatever it is that they are, Lena would shut her out so fast Kara barely could let out a sound out of her mouth. When the whole thing ended she thought finally, they can talk now. Then another crisis emerges and she was called away until now.

Now, Lena is here. In her apartment. Their bodies pressed against each other. Both seemingly comforted by their closeness. Both knowing they can’t stay away from each other. Both acknowledging that what they have and feel is stronger than their will to stay away from each other.

“ talk to me please “ Lena leans her head sideways so they’d be resting against Kara’s cheeks and closes her eyes seemingly enjoying the contact when Kara tightens her hold

“ I’m just not ready yet “

“ Okay, I can wait “

“ Thank you “ Lena says and then within seconds, she pulls herself away from Kara and left.


	9. New Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry for the late update.  
> I got stuck :( 
> 
> anyways feel free to point out my mistakes or any errors you see.  
> thank you so much for your kind words and comments are always appreciated.   
> they motivate me so much.
> 
> stay safe and happy reading!!

**Chapter 9**

Kara’s shoulder drops as she leans forward to rest her forehead to the door. Everything was loud, even the silence was loud to her. She focuses on her hearing and listens as Lena went down the elevator, she hears Lena’s heels clacking through the pavement, Lena talking to her driver and her heart beat slowly goes further and further away from Kara’s apartment.

_This is good right? At least we’re making progress, even if it was just an extremely small step forward._

Kara steps out of her apartment making way to the rooftop and she sees the other Lena looking over the city. She clears her mind and reminds herself that this is a different Lena. It was difficult seeing as she had just finished a rather emotional talk with _her_ Lena. Sometimes she finds it difficult to differentiate the two, if it weren’t for their different personality and aura She would be lost.

She walks over and takes a seat beside Lena and stays silent. Her emotions are still running heavy and she enjoys the sight of the city at night. Lena hasn’t said a word to her and Kara is not in the mood to talk, shocking really considering how her mouth could just spout nonsense for hours. It’s rather odd for her since in the span of a few months a lot has changed. Her friendship with Lena had been broken to pieces but something more remains there still dangling as if it’s hanging by a thread. They need to talk it out in order to move forward, that is if Lena wants to, of course. As much as Kara strongly feels for Lena, she doesn’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want.

Lena deserves peace and closure. It may not look like it, but underneath the cold CEO act Lena is in pieces. She puts on a costume as an act so people wouldn’t see the afraid, hurt and fragile Lena. Kara has seen _that_ side Lena because Lena allowed Kara to. Kara’s lost in her thoughts until she heard Lena’s hesitant voice.

“ I didn’t know we uh..you two are… romantically involved “ she heard Lena says

Kara lets out a chuckle

_Are they romantically involved?_

“ we’re not “ Kara knows Lena’s eyebrows shot up even without looking at her

“ so that drama just now was what? “ Lena asked and Kara just shrugs

“ I honestly don’t know it’s a mess. I did hurt her and we’re on a rough patch right now “ Kara lies down on the floor looking up at the night sky. It must have been almost 2 or 3am right now.

“ oh please, you lied to her about being Supergirl. I can name at least a thousand other things way worse than that “ Lena says

Kara smiles and looks at Lena who’s still sitting watching the city. From this angle she looks so peaceful and at ease. Her wavy hair down to her back and the sight of those sharp jawline shimmering in the moon light. She shakes her head and focuses her eyes back to the sky.

“ aw look at you trying to make me feel better “ Kara teases

“ fuck you and don’t get any ideas, I still don’t like you “ Lena replies just as fast like Kara had expected

“ I would take you up on that offer but I kind of have feelings for someone else. “ Lena turns her head around seemingly shock at Kara’s reply

“ technically _I am Lena_ you know? “ Lena smirks

Lena stares at her and then slowly lies back with her arm supporting her. Lena is now half lying beside Kara side by side and Kara suddenly feels her heart beats a bit faster. Kara feels her insides burns as Lena slowly leans in and her heart almost stops at the approach. Kara’s mouth slightly opens wanting to ask Lena what she’s doing but nothing comes out of her mouth. Their lips almost touched when Lena changes her direction to Kara’s ear and whispers

“ pervert “ and then she’s back sitting up straight at the side of Kara’s waist looking out the city

“ you think you’re so funny, don’t you? “ Kara says as she lets out a nervous breath

“ yes, yes I do “ Kara rubs her eyes, feeling tired after the long day and speaks up

“ anyways, as I was saying, you and Lena are way different “

“ no shit, her bones are intact and her heart is still beating like a normal human being “ Kara scratches her head and slaps Lena’s shoulder lightly

“ you know that’s not what I meant “

Lena’s curiosity peaks so she decided to humor the kryptonian.

  
“ how are we different then? “

“ um.. well you’re much fiercer and bolder for starters, you’re way intense and have way darker sense of humor, you both can be intimidating as hell but you’re much more forward than Lena is. Lena has this warm and calming presence but you, you can be cold and warm at the same time which confuses me a bit. You’re also much harder to read than Lena “ Lena nods her head 

“ so if you’re not romantically involved then what are you two? she can’t be that mad just because of one lie “ Lena asks after noticing Kara’s mood is better than when she first sat beside her

“ what do you mean? “

“ don’t act like you’re a fool, kryptonian “ Kara chuckles and nudge Lena’s shoulder

“ aw, is that the ‘you’ way of telling me I’m smart? “

“ I’m going to vomit, really “ Lena says with a gag and lets out a small laugh but then as if she notices herself being carefree with Kara she was back to her usual self. Her posture poise and stiff. Kara frowns for a moment and decides to humor Lena first.

“ I don’t know, really. We haven’t exactly been able to talk. I think the lie about me being supergirl is just one of the many things. All her life she’s been betrayed and hurt by people around her, she’s always on edge and never wanted to let anyone near or in her life. Then I befriended her and she was very clear on that part so I thought maybe she really doesn’t want a friend. One day I bumped into her at Noonan’s and Alex bailed because of work and she gave me a chance. She trusted me, believed in me and confided in me. When we started becoming close I wanted to tell her but I was afraid that after so long she’s going to be mad and think that I was like everybody else. I knew I had to tell her before Lex did, but I was too late. “ Kara closes her eyes and feeling exhaustion taking over her body.

“ how’d she take it? “

“ she pretended to not know for weeks, I found out that she’s known all along when we went to the fortress of solitude “ Kara’s heart ache at the memory, she really didn’t expect Lena to use kryptonite on her and steal myriad. It broke her, she cried so hard because Lena had done that. Kara knows Lena and she understands Lena did it because she was hurt but if Lena ever did something like that again she really doesn’t know if she’ll be able to face Lena. Kara just hopes that they’ll mend their friendship back again because fighting with Lena is exhausting, she misses her so much.

“ knowing myself? I probably had a plan in place to get revenge or something “ Lena says and Kara shakes her head

“ she did trap me there and stole myriad but then she came through, Lena will always do the right thing. It just takes time for her to realize that she’s better than her family and is different. “

“ were you ever afraid that she’d tell your secret identity to the world? “ Lena questions

“ No, I trust her. She’d never even think of doing that “ Kara replies in confidence

“ shouldn’t be so sure about that “ Lena murmurs and Kara frowns in reply and decides to ignore the comment and change the topic

“ what about you? any good stories? “ Kara replies

“ no “ Kara’s eyes shot open

“ seriously? “ Lena rolls her eyes

“ I don’t think anyone would dare to approach an emotionally damaged teen and an almost robot human adult. I have scars all over her body, I don’t blame them though for not wanting anything to do with me. if you know someone with a kink like that, tell me “ Lena lets out a bitter chuckle

“ I’m your friend “ Kara replies without any hesitation

Lena’s body went stiff again, shocked at the comment from the kryptonian

“ I threatened your family, killed you in my time line and almost killed you again when I see you in my time line. Somehow you consider me a friend? “ Kara shakes her head and sits up bumping her shoulder with Lena’s

“ All is fair in love and war. You’re not evil Lena, _you’re just misunderstood_. I know deep down you’re an amazing person. Plus, the whole goth look you’ve got going on is attractive to some people “ Kara jokes trying to put aside the worry and sadness she feels for what the woman beside her has been through in her time line. Kara might not have known the full story and to what extend Lilian and Lex’s torture and abuse has been towards Lena but from what she can see? There’s more to it than the scars on her body. Her blood boils in anger at the thought of a mother doing all those horrible things to a child. Even if Lena isn’t Lilian’s biological daughter it was cruel of her to treat Lena like that.

“ I swear if you say goth one more time I’ll smack your head through a wall “ Kara laughs again at Lena’s reply and sees a small smile on Lena’s lips

They both seems to enjoy the quietness under the night sky not saying another word until Kara starts walking down back to her apartment with Lena tailing behind her.

In the dark apartment only the kryptonian was fast asleep, Lena laid in bed awake agonizing her thoughts and new feelings she’s experiencing towards the figure on the couch. Suddenly she feels her head throbs and ache all over her body. Lena can feel every muscle in her body stiffens and her vision is starting to get hazy and blurry. She tries to sit up to get her medicine in her bag but a sharp pain in her ribs forces her to stay still. Every breath she takes sends a jolting pain throughout her body. Her forehead and body starts glistening with sweat and her hands clenched the duvet trying to breathe properly and not alert the sleeping hero outside of the room.

Minutes past and she can start to breathe properly again but the pain is still there. She struggles to get out of bed and holds on to everything that she can in her sight to help her walk on the way over to her bag. She swallows two pills and rubs her throbbing head. The place she stood gives her a clear view of the living room and she walks over the couch and sits on the coffee table, staring at the sleeping kryptonian.

She straightens her back and uses her hands to support her sitting, Lena takes a shaking breath in and out while her eyes remain on Kara. She couldn’t help but let out a smile despite being in pain when she sees the woman’s mouth agape. Her blonde hair sprawls across her pillow and without even thinking Lena reaches out to gently push the hair near the woman’s mouth away. Kara’s hair felt soft and Lena aches to caress the blonde’s face, wondering if her skin is as smooth and soft. Lena retrieves her hand and continues to stare at the sleeping blonde. Somehow, she looks at ease, like she isn’t burdened by the weight of the world. She looks the opposite of the Kara she saw in the holding room at the DEO. Lena stretches her neck and with a last look at the sleeping blonde she goes back to bed feeling better as the pain she feels slowly fades away.

_What in the world am I doing?_ She wonders before drifting off.

* * *

They were having lunch while going over what they had gathered about Lilian when Alex popped by with some new information

“ We were hacked yesterday and the IP address shows that it was from a warehouse at London. We managed to secure all of the data and block it but we were breached. If they somehow managed to get their hands on some of the files then we’re doomed. So far, we can be sure that they didn’t get anything from our data but We think it was Lilian so I’m pretty sure she’s up to no good. “ Alex says as she hands a file to Kara

“ do you know what she’s planning? “ Kara asks Lena

“ not exactly but I do have an idea from what I’ve gathered through my research at my time line. I think she’s trying to develop a weapon strong enough to kill me and take control of the city in my time line. She’s trying to widen Cadmus’s influence all around the globe. “ Lena scans the information in the file

“ Cadmus huh? I still don’t understand this but why would she need another Lilian’s help? Couldn’t she have done it on her own? “ Kara takes bite of her pot stickers and nods agreeing to Alex’s question.

“ there might be a few similarities between our time lines, but there’s a huge difference. Supergirl and I have never encountered one another other than the time I killed her and the same could be said with mother. “ both Alex and Kara flinches at the mention of her death

“ Meaning that whenever you managed to stop Lilian here, you never did in my time line. That leaves her to a doing a lot of things to the alien population and taking over the city. She had me chained and wrapped around her finger until the day I killed her and took over. She was… _is_ a powerful woman, she had a plan going on but since she’s supposedly dead I stopped all of her projects once and for all. Unbeknownst to me, she was running her own little projects somewhere. Mother needs someone who knows and thinks like she does. We disagree on a lot of things especially on her methods. Sure, she is capable of doing a lot of things but with the tight security over at my time line it makes things much more difficult and any sketchy purchases get my attention, she knows that which is why she’s here so that she can work freely and take me by surprise “ Lena explains

“ well, that’s unsettling “ Alex sighs

“ I guess we’re going to London “ Lena says casually and Kara nods her head

“ if Cadmus is involved then there’s a huge possibility that L Corp is breached with her spies, I don’t know about CatCo though. That reminds me, snapper want me to write an article on the attacked Alien clinic this morning. I have to drop by there and talk to Andrea about work too “ Kara groans loudly

“ I’ll inform our branch in London in case you need back up “ Alex suggest

“ sure “ Kara nods her head and turn to Lena

“ you think we could wait a day or two before going to London? “

“ I need to check her labs all around the city to check if there’s anything that could help with the investigation anyway, I’m sure there’s something in one of her labs “ Kara frowns upon hearing Lena’s plan

“ you’re not going alone, we can go during lunch hour. “ Kara says with care in her voice

“ you’d be a nuisance, I’m sure mother and Lex has a system in place in case one of you kryptonians finds their lab and I’m fine with going there on my own, I don’t need a baby sitter “ Lena glares at Kara who just ignores it at reaches out to touch Lena’s hand on her lap

“ look, when I say I’ve got your back I really mean it. I won’t let you go there alone. You ask for my help so just let me okay? “ Lena stares at Kara’s hands on her and nods her head

“ Fine “ she replies and pulls her hand away from Kara’s with an unreadable expression

Alex eyes them both and then sighs saying her goodbyes and whispering for Kara to come by the DEO or her apartment to talk.

“ can I ask you something? “ Kara asks as soon as they were alone. She slumps herself across the couch and hugs a throw pillow that Lois had given her as a house warming gift.

“ no “ Lena takes a bite out of her lunch wanting to eat in silence but Kara seems to ignore her and asks her anyway

“ are you hiding something ? “

“ what if I am? “ She continues to eat without looking at Kara

“ I can sense that you’re hiding something from me “ Kara tilts her head looking directly into Lena’s eyes

“ you don’t have to worry about it “ Lena’s discomfort is obvious but Kara’s curious

“ if it involves your mother or Lena then it’s my business, you know you can tell me anything right? “ Kara tries to approach the topic gently seeing as Lena is very defensive

“ it’s just a theory at the moment so I can’t be sure, once I have concrete evidence I’ll tell you, satisfied? Now, can I ask you something ? “ Kara nods at Lena’s request

“ is there a saying like curiosity kills the kryptonian on Krypton? “ She says with a smirk

“ urgh, you’re unbelievable. Hey, you’re going to have to pick a name that I can call you, it’s getting really confusing addressing you and Lena as Lena “ Kara says while her hand reached out to steal one of Lena’s nuggets

“ my name is Lena or if you’re kinky like that you can call me Ms. Luthor “ she slaps Kara’s hand away

“ oh rao, I’m just saying that I can’t call you either of that. it’s suspicious and just weird. Any names that you would prefer ? I think if we re-arrange some letters in your full name we’ll get some good names. Lena Kieran Luthor. Kieran? Alen? Karey? Karen? Kalie? Lee? Lorna? Lori? Helena? Katie? “ Kara thinks out loud

“ no, no, no , no, no and no “ Lena moves her plate further from Kara

“ you have to pick one or what am I supposed to call you? “ Kara pouts while she stares at her empty plate and stealing glances at Lena’s nuggets

“ if you don’t pick one I’ll address you as the Grinch exactly like how you keep calling me kryptonian “ Kara says as she steals Lena’s nugget using her superspeed and runs away laughing knowing that Lena would be mad.

“ don’t you dare call me that! “ Lena yells

“ fucking perverted food thief “ Lena mumbles under her breath with a fond smile.

“ I heard that! “ Kara yells from the bathroom

“ you should change to something warm, I read that the weather is cold today and also, I just need to talk to Andrea about work a bit and we still have time today so I figure we could check out one of Lilian’s labs? “ Kara emerges from the bathroom in a light pink coat with a white shirt underneath and black jeans, her hair in a bun. Kara busies herself cleaning up the take outs on the table taking them to the kitchen.

Lena sat there seemingly staring at Kara, somehow her feelings for the super has developed and she couldn’t help but admire the beauty in front of her. Lena drinks in Kara’s look, it makes her look like a divine being, a deity. She shifts uncomfortable on the chair not liking the way her chest tightens and the warm sensation she feels in her stomach. Also, why is she suddenly feeling so overwhelmed?

Kara seems to notice the silence and looks at Lena in concern, Lena’s face was unreadable and Kara walks over to her waving her hand in front of her face

“ Lena? “ that seemed to help Lena back to reality and she blushed standing up abruptly and walk into Kara’s bedroom to change without saying a word, leaving a confused Kara in the living room.

_What in the world was that?_

Kara brushes off Lena’s weird antics and knocks on her bedroom door

“ if you want you can wear my hoodie, I think the jacket you bought is still in the dryer. “ Kara says

Kara focuses on her hearing and searches for Andrea, apparently, she’s at CatCo in her office.

_What is it with CEOs and their addiction to working?_

Lena comes out of the bedroom with a dark t-shirt and Kara’s hoodie over it. The hoodie was given to her from Lena on her birthday. It was custom made and had the name ‘ Danvers ‘ on the back and a picture of a pot sticker as the logo of the hoodie. She’s already wearing her image inducer so she looks different, but extremely good. Her hair is light brunette with blonde highlights, her facial features are a bit different but sharp and flawless and her eyes are a shade of a different green. They’re not emerald green anymore but a bit of an aqua green. She looks absolutely stunning. She has a little resemblance to Lena but they still look different.

“ what? “ Lena ask when she noticed Kara staring at her

“ uh nothing! You uh.. you look good “ Kara avoids her gaze and walks over to the front door holding it open for Lena.

“ oh um thank you “ Lena murmurs

On the way to CatCo Kara keeps talking of possible names for Lena and Lena cursed vulgarly about ten times which results in Kara walking with her face as red as a tomato and an elderly woman asking if Kara was okay. Throughout their walk their hands brushed against each other a few times and Lena would deny it if asked but she did purposely walk a bit closer to the Kryptonian the entire time.

“ okay you can sit at my desk there, I’ll just be for a few minutes “ Kara points towards her desk near the window and Lena rolls her eyes and made her way there

Inside the office, Andrea was going over some paperwork when she heard a knock which surprised her. She looks up a sees a nervous Kara Danvers walk in

“ Ms. Danvers? Glad to see you’ve made a complete recovery. Your sister said you fell off the stairs and got hurt badly. “ Andrea walks around and leans backwards to her desk. She gestures to Kara to take a seat at the two chairs in front of her.

“ ah, yes you know, clumsy me! I’m hoping I could talk to you about my work? “ Andrea nods her head and crosses her arms in front of her chest

They both proceeds to talk about work while Lena waits outside on Kara’s desk.

Lena sits on Kara’s chair and analyzed Kara’s desk. She sees a white flower at the corner of her desk and a picture of Kara and Alex. Her desk is clean and organized, there’s a couple of notes and doodles at the side of her desk on a note pad. She fiddles with Kara’s pen and watches Kara talk to Andrea through the glass of Andrea’s office. Her eyes caught the sight of a small picture hidden under some papers on Kara’s desk. She reached out and carefully pulls the picture out. It was a polaroid picture of Kara and Lena. In the picture they were both smiling widely and had their arms tangled around each other, Kara stood behind Lena with her arms hugging Lena from behind and Lena held Kara’s hand with her head slightly tilt to the side so the side of her forehead touches Kara’s chin. Kara was showing her goofy smile while Lena was probably laughing it was a beautiful picture, she can’t deny it.

Her eyes linger for a while at their closeness, from the picture it’s clear that they both are certainly… _touchy_. She shifts in her seat not liking that the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach is back. Her eyes drift to their almost intertwined hands, how they look so normal and at ease to be close to each other. Somewhere deep inside she longs for that kind of intimacy, but she’s long thrown that fantasy out of the window. But here she is, looking at another version of herself and Kara.

She stares at herself or rather, the Lena in the picture. She looks so happy. It never occurred to her that she could smile like that. She feels a sudden anger remembering the lost, broken and sadness she sees on Kara’s face a few nights ago when she talks about Lena. It bothers her how the Lena here is blind to see how much Kara cares for her, it bothers her to know that the kryptonian is hurting all because of another version of her is too fragile to be hurt by one lie. She’s feeling a lot of things right now and her head is still hurting. She rubs her eyes and quietly puts the picture back to its place.

_What am I doing? Why am I feeling all of these feelings? Get your shit together Lena. You’re not here to make friends. Remember the mission._

She looks up and stares at Kara who’s talking to Andrea.

Lena continues to look as Kara waves her hand around to prove a point. Lena let out a small smile when Kara smiles at Andrea when she agrees with Kara, Lena’s face turns to a focused one when Kara focuses on what Andrea is saying, Lena shook her head and leans her back and head to Kara’s chair, closing her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“ _shit_ “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think someone's catching feelings hm


	10. Lena's ready *trigger warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this chapter is from Lena's pov after her talk with Kara and it has a trigger warning. I don't suggest you read it if you find it difficult and triggering. it touches on self harm, suicidal thoughts and abuse. 
> 
> if you've been through any of this, I'm so sorry and I hope it gets better for you. there's always help and you are loved and cared by someone.
> 
> I wrote this while I was an emotional mess, I'm sorry if there's any mistakes so feel free to point it out. 
> 
> stay safe xoxo

**Chapter 10**

It was nearing 2am when Lena enters her dark penthouse, not bothering to turn on the lights and the silence and open space of her house made her feel small and more alone than she already is. She had just come back from Kara’s apartment after their talk. Her mind wonders for a moment thinking if there really was another person there with Kara, but the thought went away as she got distracted by Kara’s perfume.

Kara’s smell still lingers on her coat and shirt and she honest to god loves it. Lena wants to just turn back to Kara’s apartment and make it right between them so Kara could hold her, whisper soothing words in her ears, feels the warmth of her hugs and the comfort it brings her when Kara’s close to her. Lena wants to be safe in her arms, to feel whole once more like before. She wants Kara to have her, all of her, but she can’t. Not yet, not when there’s still lies between them.

She steps into her kitchen, her muscle memory goes to work when she grabs a bottle of scotch and a glass in the dark. The blinds were closed so it was pitch black in her modern penthouse, her eyes are open and yet she sees nothing. Her thoughts wonder to everything that made her into this broken, pathetic woman who had issues so deep and dark rooted to her bones. The haunting memories of her family issues replays in her mind as they were the reason as to why she’s so fucked up.

“ do you believe in god ? “ she almost scoffed at the question directed at her at some point in her life. Her response? Silence.

If there is a god then she’s thankful for letting her meet the blonde. The one and only person she’s confident plays a big part in her life ever since knowing her. She knows the blonde will either be the cause of her happiness or complete destruction.

If there is a god then why is she in so much pain? Why has her life been hell? Why had it always been so hard to just fucking breathe? Why is she constantly suffocating? Why is everyone always leaving her, hurting her, punishing her, hating her and using her as if she’s not a human being with feelings? Why does everyone keep looking at her as if she did what Lex did? When in truth she tried to stop it. Why is she suffering because of another person’s actions? Why are _his_ actions affecting her and consuming her life? The life she’s had has been chipping her soul, sucking her energy and desire to continue this god-awful life that god had planned for her. Lena’s shoulder shake as she uses her hands to support the weight of her body at the counter and let the tears fall down her face, she screams in agony and her sobs echoes through the thin walls, she’s alone, always has and she is tired of it.

She was just a kid when her mother died. She doesn’t remember much but the agony she was in couldn’t be described with words. The one and only person who made her feel safe and warm left her to the cold cruel world. Granted that she was young, but Lena still remembers some of the memories of her birth mother. She wants to be mad at her mother, she wants to scream, yell, break things and punch something so the pent-up anger inside of her could just go away, but there’s not much that she could do, if she did, she would lose control. If she loses control, she’s not sure she’ll gain it back. She’s too far gone that if she lets herself go, she’ll lose herself forever. She knows that, which is why she’s kept her feelings in check. She keeps everything in tiny little itty-bitty boxes and shoves them deep the dark hole that they haven’t seen the light of day for years. She’s locked away her feeling for so long that it’s normal for her to feel so numb.

Sadness is a normal human emotion but numbness? That’s something anyone would be worried about. She’s lived like that the majority of her life.

She remembers that one particular night she was about eleven or twelve at the time, that night changed her in ways she didn’t know was possible. That night introduced her to the dark thoughts and pitch-black hole she’s never gotten out of.

Lionel had always been kind and gentle, so naturally she trusted him more than she did with Lilian who was cold and distant ever since she stepped foot in the Luthor mansion. That night, Lionel lost control, he showed his true colors for the first time and Lena? She was the victim. As always.

Lena shudders at the memory, her breathing uneven and loud.

Lionel’s loud screams and angry face burns in her brain, his belt twisted in his hands and the loud slap of sound it makes when the leather belt hits her at the back of her thighs and leg echoes through her silent room. It’s as though Lionel was a different person, he hit her, screamed at her, his face was of a devil and Lena could never erase it from her memory. Lena was doing her homework when Lionel came barging in with the lingering smell of alcohol and looked over at Lena’s work, when he noticed a mistake, he lashed out. Lena couldn’t believe the absurdity of where his anger came from. She was just a girl, a child who didn’t know any better. It was a mistake, one fucking minor mistake on a math question but somehow it made him angry. It might have been more of the alcohol, she knows that but nevertheless she was where Lionel released his anger at. Lex was somewhere around the world being the genius and golden boy that he is so there was only Lena to be the victim.

That night Lena was left with bruises and lines on her leg that burns. She felt angry and confused. She knows that Lilian was in the other room and can hear the angry screams and her painful cries but she did nothing. She did nothing when Lena shriek in pain when Lionel hit her again and again and again until her voice went hoarse.

After what felt like eternity and Lionel was gone she cried in her room, she felt so much pain but it wasn’t from the red lines on her leg, it was a different kind of pain. She felt angry and sad and confused. She wanted to feel something else, so for the first time ever she grabbed a razor from her bathroom and made a line at the back of her forearm. She remembers hissing when she sees blood rise from her skin, she remembers finding comfort in focusing on the throbbing pain at the back of her forearm than the pain inside her. She also remembers opening her door to find that Lilian had left her ointments and bandages in front of her room. She ignored it and pushed the medicine aside.

It happened again, this time it was in the car. It was after a Gala and Lionel had been lecturing her about what she had done wrong after having too much to drink talking business with other disgusting douche and money driven men. They were parked at the front of the main door of the Luthor Mansion and Lilian had gad gotten out first. Lena was annoyed and frustrated so she shifted in her seat and Lionel saw that as disrespect.

He grabbed her by the hair, his fist clenching so tight she can feel the pain on her scalp. Her head moving left and right as Lionel moved his hand and yelled at her. She can see Lilian looking at them through the window of the car. It was just her and Lionel in the car and Lilian was standing at the front door. She remembers Lilian’s cold face, just staring at her as Lionel kept a tight grip on her hair and yelled at her face. She wonders why Lilian hadn’t stepped in, did she have no mercy? What did she do to deserve all of this other than simply being a teenager who occasionally makes mistakes?

She remembers immediately going to her room when Lionel let go of her and she shivers at the memory of Lionel following with angry footsteps to her room and yelling at her more and slapping her. She remembers him wanting to hear her say that she was sorry, that she was at fault. She, her, a girl who has barely matured, a child to apologize for doing something so normal.

Then again and again and again, his actions would repeat and every time he would get more aggressive as the stronger the scent of the alcohol lingers and every time Lilian stood by not doing anything. Every time it happened another slashed was added to her collection and she felt a sense of relief when she focuses on the pain instead of her emotions.

Lionel loved her, yes but his demons when he’s had a few drinks made him the devil so Lena slowly distanced herself. Lionel never apologized or maybe he didn’t even remember any of it. Lena isn’t sure, so when he died, she felt relieved. She thought it was over, but she was wrong. There was another devil in the house.

Lex, she knew Lex was kind, she knew it because Lex protected her when someone made fun of her. She knew because Lex reached out to her and showed her that he cared. Lex wasn’t abusive, no, but at times when anger took over him, he would lose control, just like Lionel. The only difference is that Lex would apologize, every single time. Lena, being naïve as she is would forgive him and convince herself that Lex didn’t mean it, he’s her brother. He’s kind. He’s the one who had always protected her so it doesn’t make sense to her as to why he would hurt her, not intentionally anyway. Yeah, that’s it. Lex was different, he apologized. Lex loved her. Lex isn’t Lionel.

It first happened over a minor thing as well, Lex had been tinkering in his lab at the house and Lena wanted his attention so she grabbed something off his table and hid it, hoping that Lex would get the hint.

What she did not expect was Lex to start shouting at her and gripped her wrists and pushing her across the room. His face was of someone possessed. He kept coming forward and Lena kept moving backwards but she was just a girl who couldn’t rival the strength of a grown man. She hurt her ankle and wrist, she sat shaking on her bed and cried herself to sleep. The next morning, she woke up with a note under her door from Lex, saying that he was sorry. So, she thought it was fine, she thought he was different from Lionel because Lionel had never apologized. It was just this one time she thought.

She brushed it off as Lex being stressed, but it happened again and twice more. After every time, Lena would forgive because _he apologized and Lex isn’t Lionel._

She kept it to herself, never said a word to anyone. As years went by she kept her distance but went back to trusting him since Lex hadn’t hurt her physically in years but mentally? It never stopped. Something changed him, he became mean, lost in his darkness. He would say hurtful things and torment her with his words and Lena lets him. She doesn’t know any better. Lex was the only person who has given her some of his time and care. She thought that was the treatment that she deserves from someone who loves her.

She’s never felt safe with anyone. Ever. She tried to find it in everyone she met, she knows her exes would never hurt her or anything close to what Lionel and Lex did to her but never safe and calm. Which is why she never committed 100 percent into a relationship or friendship.

Until she met a certain reporter.

Kara Danvers or Kara Zor-El.

Kara was so warm and magnetic, Lena felt a strong pull towards the blonde when they first met but she ignored it, thinking it was just a normal feeling of looking at a gorgeous woman. As their meeting continues and becomes more frequent she felt scared. Afraid that this feeling is going to destroy her if she gives in and decides to let the bubbly blonde into her life. She knows, once she has a taste of Kara in her life, she’ll get addicted. she’ll get drunk on the comforting aura and warmth that the blonde provides. So, she tries her hardest to push her away, insists on a professional relationship and shows no interest in anything more. Lena knows it was the right thing to do but the blonde’s pull was too strong for her to ignore. She failed and surrenders herself to Kara, slowly.

As time goes by, their friendship became stronger and stronger. She sensed that there was a romantic layer underneath their friendship but she does not want to ruin anything that they have. The one person who she finally felt safe with, she wouldn’t ruin it for anything. She didn’t want to lose Kara under any circumstances so she ignores it and feels content by just being her best friend.

Some nights she would go insane at the thought of Kara and how safe she felt just by her mere presence. Being near Kara made her feel secure, warm, calm and just as if nothing could hurt her. It was her addiction. The butterflies she feels when Kara would smile at her or laugh, the feelings that surfaces when she feels Kara’s warm body near her, their fingers brushing, their shoulders touching. Kara’s hug made her feel high, it made her feel as if she’s in the clouds and nothing could hurt her. It made her forget her pain.

James was Kara’s close friend so she thought she could get the same feeling, the same security and warmth. But she didn’t. He was nice, yes, but he can be… difficult at best too. So, no he was not it. She’s always felt a bit uncomfortable with him so she left, it was inevitable after all.

It has always been different, special and unique with Kara.

Kara made her feel again, made her trust, made her laugh, made her comfortable, made her happy. She’s never felt like that before.

When she reached her twenties, she handles her emotions and urges to hurt herself better. She hasn’t touched a razor since she was seventeen. If only the same could be said about her feelings, ever since the incident with Lionel, a part of her died. She stopped feeling. All she feels is numb. It worsened when Lex came about. The numbness never vanished.

But when Kara walked in, she would feel a sense of ecstasy and euphoria. Just for a moment she stopped feeling numb. She lives for those moments because it made her feel as if she’s human, like the others and that could truly be happy again, that she could genuinely feel again rather than just numbness all the time.

Which is why when she found out that Kara had been lying to her all these years it broke her. It broke her heart. How could she? Kara. The person who made her feel again, the person who she trusted, the person who made her finally felt safe again for the first time ever since her mother died.

She felt betrayed in ways she couldn’t describe with words. Kara apologized, just like Lex she thought.

Kara was sincere, she knew that but after everything she finds it hard to put it pass her. She went down a dark path. In a moment of pettiness, she decided to tell the world Kara’s secret identity. It hurt that Kara didn’t trust her enough.

So, she made a deal with Andrea, focused and sure that she’d want Kara to feel her pain, but Kara told her that night. She told her that she was Supergirl.

To say that Lena was confused was an understatement.

So, she pulled the deal of telling the world that Kara was supergirl and decided on a new plan.

She’s not proud of it, she used kryptonite on her, manipulated her, lied to her. She justified her actions convincing herself that Kara had hurt her just the same.

Lena wanted to hate her, she does but she can’t help it. She feels too strongly for the blonde. She needed time to process her thoughts but a problem after another rises. Now, she has time, and she’s thought a lot. It confuses her because she remembers Lionel and Lex, how they both had once made her feel safe and loved and then hurt her in the worst way possible. Lena knows Kara would never hurt her, but she’s still afraid of letting go, terrified that she’ll fall in so deep and never the light of day again.

Kara had apologized to her, more times than she could count. Lena knows Kara never meant to hurt her, she knows how genuine Kara is which is why it’s confusing for her. She wants to be mad that Kara had hurt her but at the same time she knows Kara never meant for that to happened.

Lena has had time to think everything through, she’s just hasn’t had the courage to do it yet. Lena knows what she feels, knows what she wants and knows what she has to do.

Monday, this Monday they’ll talk. She will talk to Kara about everything with full transparency. She’ll tell Kara everything there is to know about her, she’ll bare her truth, she’ll be raw and vulnerable. She’ll show Kara who she is, her scars, her pain, the parts of her that she’s never shown or let anyone see. She’ll tell Kara all of her dark thoughts, she’ll let Kara see the devil that she is and the dark side of her.

She’ll tell Kara everything she was planning on doing, she’ll tell Kara how angry and betrayed she felt, she’ll tell Kara how sorry she is for every bad thing she’s done or ever thought of doing to get revenge on the blonde. She’ll lay it all out.

Kara has apologized enough, now it’s her turn to apologize. She’ll apologize for manipulating her to steal Lex’s journals, manipulating her and used her to get myriad, using kryptonite on her and let Kara decide. If Kara want nothing to do with her then she’ll accept it. She knows it’s been going on for too long. She’s been dreading this because she’s afraid that once Kara knows how fucked up she is, how insanely her thoughts and actions can be that she’ll leave, just like everyone else.

Lena’s not proud of it, every time Kara apologizes her guilt increases. It’s time to be honest. She needs to own up to it and accept the consequences of her actions.

She wants Kara to know who she really is. Both her and Kara deserves honesty and closure.

It’s time to be honest and true with each other.

_I’m ready._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost cried writing this.


	11. Mogra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have a name! 
> 
> *it's still Sunday for Kara and Mogra*
> 
> I know the world is a scary place right now and I hope everyone is safe and doing their best to help others.
> 
> xoxo

**Chapter 11**

“ thank god you’re finally done “ Lena groans loudly as soon as Kara came out of Andrea’s room. She had been bored out of her mind fiddling with everything on Kara’s desk.

She looks up to see Kara smiling at her sheepishly with Andrea behind her with an amused smile. They were standing close and Andrea had her hand on Kara’s shoulder which Lena does not like.

“ and who might you be? “ Andrea offers her hand for a handshake

Lena stood up and looks at Andrea with a cold look and then at her hand for a moment before ignoring it and turns her attention to Kara

“ let’s go “ Lena takes a step forward to Kara

“ sorry! Uh she doesn’t like handshakes “ Kara chimes in and stood protectively in front of Lena

Kara grabs Lena’s hand and intertwined their fingers while hurriedly mumbling out that they need to go and dragged Lena to the elevator leaving a confused Andrea at her desk.

“ what is the matter with you? you literally took forever in there! “ Lena says and ignores her heating face upon realizing that Kara is still holding her hand

“ try not to be so rude will you? she is my boss! “ Kara hissed and walks into the elevator

“ so? She’s not the boss of me “ Lena replies smugly

Kara sighs and almost lets out a shriek when she realizes that she’s firmly holding Lena’s hand. She gently let go of Lena’s hand and is 100 percent sure that her face is red because holding Lena’s hand felt comfortable and so natural.

Lena frowns a bit at the loss of Kara’s touch. It felt nice and she wanted more. It is ridiculous, she knows it but why the fuck not right? If she’s going to have all these feelings then let’s go all in. Think of it as an experiment. She needs to experiment with her feelings to understand what all the uncomfortable swirls that she feels in her stomach is.

They walked side by side out of CatCo and starts to head to one of Lilian’s lab that is a couple blocks away.

Lena kept glancing at Kara’s hand as they walk and Kara, being her oblivious self, kept pointing out the many amazing food stalls and restaurants that ‘ _it is a crime that you haven’t tasted it! If you haven’t had, you haven’t lived Lena_ ‘

Lena walks closer to Kara feeling like a teenager walking with her crush

_I’ve really lost it haven’t I? Lena thought_

“ my hands are cold “ Kara hears Lena mumbles

“ I told you today is going to be cold, do you want to stop by somewhere so we could buy some gloves for you? “ She asks, concerned that Lena might get sick from the cold

“ just… just hold my hand and don’t get any funny ideas about it “ Lena mumbles again and turns her head to her side so she won’t see Kara’s face

“ oh sure “ Kara slips her hand with Lena’s and they walked silence for a while before Kara grins and leans closer to whisper in Lena’s ears

“ you know, if you wanted to hold hands with me you could have just said so right? “ Kara wiggles her eyebrows up and down and Lena groans again for the second time that day

“ I swear you get more annoying every single day. I’m just cold okay? “ Kara chuckles and nods her head

“ right… I don’t mind. This feels nice “ Kara says and notices a light pink shade on Lena’s cheeks

“ aww is someone getting shy? “ Kara teases

“ fuck you, it’s the weather okay? how many times do I have to tell you that? “ Lena bumps her shoulder with Kara’s

“ sure whatever helps you sleep at night! so, have you decided on a name yet? “ Lena smiles when Kara starts swinging their hands back and forth

“ how about beyonce or maddona ? “

“ … so you’re admitting that you’re old? “

“ I’m saying that I am iconic “

“ the Grinch is iconic “

“ you’re a little shit you know that? “ Kara laughs and takes a glance at Lena

She looks cute with her lips pressed tightly but puckered a bit and Kara loves it, it makes her look free and normal.

“ Mogra “ Kara hears Lena says and waits for her to elaborate more. Judging from her face Kara knew it was a sensitive subject so she stayed silent.

“ I remembered my birth mother used to call me that so if you insist on being a little prick and me picking a name, then it’s that. “ Mogra says with a longing face and Kara knows she must be thinking about her mother.

“ it’s beautiful “ Kara says sincerely

“ whatever, it’s just a name “ Mogra tries to make it seem as if it wasn’t a big deal but Kara knew better. She knows it must have been a huge step for Mogra to tell her that.

They both turn into a corner and stopped at an alley. Kara looks around to see if there’s any doors or sign that they are near a lab and when she sees nothing she frowns

“ uh are we lost? “ Kara asks Mogra who lets out a chuckle

“ mother has always been dramatic, you think she’d just have a lab where anyone can see and go into? “ Kara moves behind Mogra trying to see what she was doing when suddenly a stairwell appeared and there is a path to inside a building

“ oh my god this is like harry potter “ Kara mutters under her breath, eyes sparkle with amazement but body shivers at the thought of Lilian’s creepy high technology

“ there are two more labs around the city, I doubt we’d hit jackpot on the first try but this is her favorite lab so look around and see if there’s anything “ Mogra says as they enter an open space. The walls around them are white, there are machinery splattered on the tables and paper works and whiteboards with complex equations on them. It was only one room but nevertheless it was impressive.

Mogra walked over to one of the computers and starts hacking into it.

“ uh shouldn’t we be more discreet? What If Lilian suddenly shows up? “ Kara begins picking up some of the papers on the table and looks through it, using her super speed to read all of them

“ if she’s here then she’s here, we’ll deal with it. We’re bound to run into each other at one point so better now than later “ Mogra says nonchalantly

“ that’s um… brave of you I guess? “

“ I’ll see If I can hack the other labs and transfer everything on the other computers to here so we don’t have to waste time and can just check the lab and papers there “ Mogra said as she clicks away at the keyboard

After finding nothing out of the ordinary from the papers she walks over to the white board trying to understand the complex numbers and formulas on it. Kara walks over to Mogra and sits on a stool beside her.

“ I didn’t find anything “ 

“ yeah I can see that “ Kara leans a bit closer to see what Mogra is doing when Mogra turn her head towards her and their faces just inches away from each other

“ what are you doing? “ Mogra asks, her voice a bit higher that usual

“ uh I just wanted to see what you’re doing “ Kara leans back a little thinking that Mogra is uncomfortable with their closeness

“ well don’t hover pervert, I can’t concentrate “ Mogra continues typing and Kara mutters a ‘sorry’ and sat on the stool.

There was nothing else to look at for her and when she realized the stool can spin, she spins around and around trying to kill boredom and let Mogra do her thing.

“ for fuck’s sake you’re like a child. Can you stay still for five minutes? “ Kara mutters another ‘sorry’ and sat still beside Mogra who is fighting hard to not smile at the kryptonian’s antics.

“ wait, that’s Lex’s project, all of these was what Lex had worked on “ Kara points at the screen

“ and? “

“ what is it doing at Lilian’s lab? As far as I know Lena destroyed it after the crisis “ Kara motions for Mogra to move a bit so she could see better

“ I mean he has always been her favorite so I don’t think it’s anything out of the ordinary if they worked together “

“ hey um can I ask you something? “ Kara asks timidly

“ never stopped you before so why not? “

“ are you sure that Lena won’t get mixed up in the middle of this? I’ve got a terrible feeling about this “

“ look, her mother is manipulative and would occasionally kidnap her at best, my mother is much more vicious than that. If Lena gets mixed up in this then the only thing we can do is save her but I’m not worried of that because you’re here. Also, if Lena is even a little bit like I am she would never ever willingly work with Lilian “ Mogra says trying to give comfort when she sees Kara’s worried face

“ I know, but Lena is different. Don’t get me wrong, she’s kind and nothing like her family, but often times she trusts the wrong people and keep forgiving them. Somewhere deep down she believes that they’ll change when they never will. That’s what makes it dangerous. As much as Lena dislikes her family, Lilian is all she has and now she thinks I’m just like everyone else. She’s easily manipulated by Lilian. I’m just worried “ Kara hung her head low

“ I know but we’ll figure this out, so in the meantime save all of this soap opera drama for later okay? “

“ ha ha funny. All of this is really creepy if you ask me. There’s a lot of files in here “ Kara begins scrolling down through some of the files when a specific folder caught her eye. 

“ what’s this ? “ Kara clicked on the file and they both read it together

“ this is the formula to Harun-El, but… “ Kara squinted her eyes trying to understand what the other folder is

“ fuck “ She turned to Mogra with a questionable look

“ fuck I mean I know she wanted this but I never thought she’d be able to do it “ Kara raised her eyebrows motioning that she still doesn’t understand anything

“ okay so remember when I said I had a theory? The Harun-El do weird things to kryptonians and can duplicate another you right? “

“ yeah more or less, but it only works on kryptonians though? You think she’s trying to duplicate me or superman? “ Kara asks

“ I don’t know but I don’t think that’s what she’s planning to do. You see this other formula? It’s similar to Harun-El’s but with a change to fit and caters to humans but there’s a sl-“ Mogra was cut off by Kara’s panic voice

“ so you’re saying that she wants to make an army of soldiers? Who would she duplicate? Herself? An army of Lilians?!“ Mogra clamps her hand onto Kara’s mouth

“ shush and let me finish talking okay? “ Kara nods her head and Mogra couldn’t help but notice how adorable the action was

_Focus damn it_

“ as I was saying, it’s like the Harun-El but for humans and kind of reversed? So instead of duplicating someone it merges them into one. Now you can talk “

“ so she wants to merge with… you? that’s a bit weird don’t you think ? “

“ first of all, ew and secondly I highly doubt it. “ Mogra kept reading the files as Kara begins to walk around the room voicing her theories

“ what if your mother want to merge herself with this time line’s Lilian ? ew, or maybe she wants to merge with a meta human so she could get powers as well? Scary, Or maybe she wants to merge with me or superman? Again, ew. You know if you think about it, merge is the polite word for it but it’s kind of like devouring another person or like eating them or like absorbing them, right? Gosh that is just way too disturbing. I mean one Lilian is already bad but two Lilian with something like that? “ Kara continues to rambles on with her thoughts

“ well, that’s Lilian for you. Look, we know what she’s up to now, tomorrow we’ll go to her other labs and see if there are anything else we can find. We should hurry though from what Alex said she might be London but she never stays in on place for too long “

“ right “

“ come on, I’ve transferred all the files into my hard drive and we can go over everything once we’re home. It’s almost night time anyway, I’m sure that beast in your stomach wants to be fed “ Mogra said without thinking but then she realized that she had said the word ‘ home ‘ and blushed, she shakes her head and walks alongside Kara out of the building.

“ rude, I just use a lot more energy than most people so it only makes sense that I eat more okay? “ Kara defends herself and Mogra chuckles

“ whatever you say mother of beasts “

“ urgh stop it” Kara whines “ so what do you feel like eating? “

“ anything is okay with me “

“ you can’t be like that Mogra! You have to listen to your inner self and be in tune with your stomach. Listen to what your stomach wants! “ Kara lectures seriously

“ fucking hell, fine let’s eat Greek food or whatever “ Mogra decides wanting to stop the kryptonian from starting a Ted Talk about food.

“ there we go, wasn’t so hard now was it? “ Kara beams a smile and begins leading them to a restaurant that she knows, leaving Mogra behind her muttering her next word with fondness.

“ you little shit “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I googled " my love " in Irish and it translated to Mo Gra. so every time Kara calls her, she's really saying " my love " HEHEEH
> 
> it's a bit slow I know and I'm sorry but promise we'll get lena, mogra and kara action soon.  
> and maybe more Alex  
> and then the Lilians
> 
> what do you guys think?


	12. First Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #BlackLivesMatter  
> there's so much we can do together as as society.  
> it's unfair that they are treated differently. let's work together for a better life for them and us so we can live in a place where everyone are treated as equals.

**Chapter 12**

“ can I just say that this is a horrible idea? “ Kara says as she was waiting by the door for Mogra

“ no it’s not, you work at a Media empire and if something out of the ordinary happens which I’m sure would be related to Lilian, we’ll know and I’ll be right there with you so you don’t have to waste time to come back here and fill me in plus we’re going to one of Lilian’s lab during lunch anyways. I don’t see a difference to it with me tagging along with you at work “ Mogra searches through Kara’s wardrobe to look for something

“ I can fly from there to here in seconds, you know that “

“ I’m going with you to CatCo and that’s final “

“ you’re as stubborn as Lena. “ Kara mutters under her breath

“ Can you hurry? We’re already late as it is “ Kara shouts a bit louder as she looks at her watching feeling anxious that they’re going to be late

“ where did you put your god dammed hoodie? “ Mogra pops her head out from the bedroom

“ _you_ put it by the couch as soon as we stepped in here yesterday so don’t even try to put the blame on me “ Kara says and starts whining “ please for the love of Rao and everything out there can we go now? “

“ fucking hell you’re annoying “ Mogra grabs the hoodie and slips into it as she walks towards the door where Kara is waiting for her

“ you know you can just fly to work and I can teleport right? It’ll just take a few seconds like you said, honestly I don’t get why you’re so jumpy “

“ because I need my hot chocolate and the weather is great today so I want to walk okay? snapper is going to kill me if I’m late again “ Kara grabs Mogra by her hand and is practically fast walking while dragging her and Mogra, being content with Kara holding her hand just rolls her eyes and slows down her walking more to annoy her

“ Mogra! Come on! “ Kara uses her other hand to hold on to Mogra’s other arm, so Kara is basically side hugging Mogra while dragging her through the busy streets on a Monday

“ yeah yeah you bossy blonde “ Mogra lets out a chuckle and starts walking a bit faster so the kryptonian would stop huffing and puffing on the streets

Mogra smiles the entire way to the café because Kara is still side hugging and dragging her.

“ nice hoodie by the way “ Kara teases as they step into a café and stands in line

Mogra’s wearing a black t-shirt with Kara’s hoodie which she’s claimed as hers on top and black jeans and Kara’s wearing khaki pants and a dark blue button up paired with a dark chocolate belt.

“ shut up, it’s comfortable “ Mogra replied

“ how do I look ? “ Kara asks as she eyes her own clothing

“ you look… not bad “ Mogra thinks Kara looks good, like really extremely attractive good and it has been making her feel a bit warm in a lot of places but she can’t exactly just say that to the kryptonian now can she?

“ huh complimenting me now are we? Some might say that you like me Mogra, careful there “ Kara teases and takes a step forward towards the moving line to the counter

“ don’t get any funny ideas, I still don’t like you. Just don’t want you to go into work with puffy eyes, people might think I bully you “ Mogra defends

“ but you are though? “ Mogra gives Kara the middle finger and Kara lets out a laugh, it’s nice Kara thinks they are getting comfortable with each other like this, Mogra’s more care free and lets herself smile more each day

When they both arrived at the counter the worker lights up at the sight of the blonde and gives Kara a dopey smile and Mogra’s eye brow rises up seeing the guy staring at Kara with a dreamy look

“ hey Kara! You look lovely today, the usual order? “ he asks

“ thank you Kyle and yes! The usual and ? “ Kara turns to ask Mogra her order

“ coffee. Black. “ she answers coldly and Kara gives Kyle an apologetic smile

“ oh um sure “ Kyle says as he writes down their order while seemingly shrinking down from the look that Mogra has been giving him

“ thank you Kyle “ Kara drags Mogra by the arm towards the pick up counter as they wait for their drinks

“ can you try not to pick a fight with everyone you meet? “ Kara questions

“ I don’t like him “ Mogra says and Kara rubs her temple at Mogra’s cat like attitude of practically hissing at people on their first meeting

“ and why not? “

Why not? Mogra doesn’t know, but she does know is that she feels sudden rage and the feeling of possessiveness towards the kryptonian. Is it because they’re becoming friends now? Is it because Kara actually cares for her? She does not like the way Kyle looks at Kara that’s for sure.

“ … he looks weird “ Mogra replies and Kara looks weirdly at her before letting out a sigh

“ Kyle is decent looking and you can’t just not like people because of how they look Mogra “

“ whatever he gives me all the wrong vibes “

“ fine, but if you’re coming to work with me you can’t act like that to my co-workers okay? “

“ what if- “

“ na uh! Promise me or you’re not going to work with me. “ Kara says

Mogra groans and nods her head

“ Promise? “ Kara asks not trusting Mogra

“ what are you, fucking five? “

“ Mogra “

“ fine I promise “ Mogra mumbles

“ that’s better “ Kara whips her head when another worker calls out her name for the pick-up. Kara passes her coffee to Mogra and then takes a sip of her own hot chocolate. She lets out an appreciative moan and Mogra almost dropped her coffee right then and there.

Mogra clears her throat and nudges Kara again when she catches Kyle looking over at Kara with that dreamy look.

“ come on, thought you said you’re going to be late? “

“ oh shoot! “ Kara starts marching out of the café and begins fast walking with Mogra behind her

“ fucking Kyle “ Mogra mutters bitterly as she takes a sip of her coffee and when she sees Kyle looking at her through the glass she gives him the deadliest glare she has that left the poor boy shrieking and running back to the back of the counter.

Mogra’s deep in her thoughts over her feelings, she, herself does not know why she behaved like she did. She’s definitely losing it.

As soon as they stepped foot to CatCo they both heard the voice of a grumpy man yelling “ Ponytail! “

“ oh god “ Kara twines and whispers “ go ahead and wait at my table, I have to deal with snapper a bit “

Kara takes a deep breath on her way to his office, she doesn’t necessarily hate him per se, but he is just so mean and grumpy and just… mean. Could he possibly ask her to do her job a bit nicely and gently? Yes. Could he start calling her by her name and not just ‘ Blondie ‘ or ‘ Ponytail ‘ ? Yes, that would be nice also. Nevertheless, Kara can’t deny the man knows what’s he’s doing and she has learned a few things from him even though at certain times he can be unreasonable and annoying and only thinks he is right and others are wrong, he’s not the absolute worst in the world. Still, dealing with him just sucks the life out of her.

“ yes? “ she enters his office and snapper as usual didn’t even spare her a glance and keeps his eye on the papers at his desk

“ L-Corp has new technology that will be launching but there was a small explosion at one of their labs, go interview the lead scientist and witnesses there. Since you’re so close to Luthor get a direct quote from her while you’re at it “

Kara honestly does not know where she stands with Lena right now. Their last interaction wasn’t bad… okay maybe it was a bit heavy and there was a bit of yelling from Lena and herself but there was also understanding between them. She’s not sure she can even enter L-Corp given that her previous attempts have led to security escorting her out.

Snapper noticed Kara still standing in front of him and finally raises his head to look at her

“ what is it ponytail? Do you get paid to just stand there or are you going to go and do your job? “

“ uh don’t you think Amanda is much suited for this? You know she handles the science stuff and I handle the alien stuff haha “ Kara tries to persuade Snapper

“ you don’t tell me how to do my job, I tell you how to do yours. Go or else you’re on printing duty for a week. Now get out, some of us have real work to do blondie “ he says

“ Would it kill you to talk to me nicely? “ sometimes she’s sick of being talked to like that so she bites back and when snapper stares at her like he’s going to fire her, she deflates and mumbles out “ right okay, going now! “ and walks out of his office.

She lets out a long breath and walks over to her desk where she sees Mogra sitting there typing something on her laptop.

“ hey, so I have to go to L-Corp and interview a couple of people including Lena. You’ll be okay with stayi- “

Mogra shuts the laptop and interrupts Kara mid-sentence

“ great, I’ll come with. I’ve been dying to see how my company is doing “ Kara stood dumbfoundedly at her spot

“ uh hello? L-Corp? Lena will be there? “

“ so? I’m wearing my image inducer, she won’t know it’s me “

“ so you’re fine if Lena find out about you? “

“ if she knows about me then she’ll want to get involved. I thought you didn’t want her to get hurt? It’s better if she’s in the dark about this. She’s already in danger every other day. “

“ but- “

“ if Lilian reaches out to Lena _then_ we can include her. Happy? “ Kara nods her head in satisfaction

“ I’m just worried for her you know? “ Kara says as they make way out of CatCo

“ yeah I’ve noticed “ Mogra rolls her eyes

“ she never takes threats seriously and whenever her mother is involved she thinks she can handle her but in the end she’s the one who gets hurt “ Mogra rubs her temple at Kara’s never-ending worry towards her other self

“ yes, I know all about that. Listen, she’s a grown woman okay? she can handle herself so stop acting like she’s a toddler and you’re her baby sitter “ Mogra says as matter-of-factly

Mogra drags Kara towards an alley beside the CatCo building and keeps on walking until they reach a dead end

“ uh what’s going on? “ Kara asks

“ we’re teleporting there, I’m tired with all the walking “

“ it’s just five blocks away, it won’t take long “

“ No. More. Walking. “ Mogra says seriously and leans towards Kara

Their bodies pressing against each other and Mogra wraps her arms around the kryptonian’s waist.

She takes a moment to steady her shaking hands and tightly hold the Kryptonian

“ you’re hugging me? Why are we hugging? Not that I mind obviously but- “

“ are all kryptonians this chatty? “ Mogra cuts Kara off while nuzzling her head a bit to the kyrptonian’s neck and breathing in how she smells. Mogra likes this, the feeling of being embraced even though she was the one who initiated it. She takes another breath and pushes the sleeves a bit so she can teleport them there and, in an instant, they are both in an alley beside L-Corp

Mogra releases her hold, even though she silently mourns the loss of the warmth and takes a step back smirking at the Kryptonian who had just experienced teleporting for the first time ever

‘ oh god, that was… uh like I feel nauseous, is that normal? Do you feel like that every time you teleport? “ Kara holds on to Mogra’s hand as she fell to her knees.

“ no, the first few times are the worst. You’ll get used to it soon enough “ Mogra helps Kara up and brushed a few strands of blonde hair that was set loose behind the mumbling of a mess alien’s ear.

“ no I am never teleporting it again, next time I can just fly us “ Kara says and coughs a couple of times “ I need water “

“ are you always this dramatic? “ Mogra asks

“ I’m serious, my throat is dry, oh rao “ Kara stumbles a few times and regains her balance

“ come on, drama queen “ Mogra chuckles and drags Kara who is still trying to walk straight and breathe in properly without wanting to puke into L-Corp.

Kara stopped at a vending machine in the L-Corp lobby and buys them both a bottle of water.

“ well, we’re inside the building and no security has come to force us out yet, so I take it as a good sign? “ Kara turns to Mogra for an answer

“ how the fuck would I know? You’re the one in bad terms with her, not me “ She says and Kara nods her head in agreement

“ right, so we’ll go to the lab first “ Kara grinned and lead the way to the elevator

To be honest she really does not want to interview Lena, she still wants to give Lena time until she’s ready. Kara couldn’t help but think that if she goes to her office and asks for an interview it’s going to make things worse. Lena will reach out when she wants to talk. Kara agreed and by asking for an interview it would just seem unfair.

Worse come to worse she’ll just leave after interviewing the others and tell snapper that Lena’s not doing interviews. Sure, she’ll just lie to snapper, who will no doubt bite her head off for not getting a direct quote from the Chief Executive Officer of L-Corp herself but it’s fine. If it means respecting Lena of her wishes and give her space like she asked, Kara would gladly listen to Snapper’s rants and insults.

Ding.

The elevator door opens and Kara sees Lena all in her glory, looking as sharp as ever in her black pencil skirt and red silk shirt. Both shocked to see each other a bit sooner than they anticipated.

Kara’s hand starts to sweat if it was all possible, her heart starts to beat a bit faster. There she is, _her Lena_. It hasn’t been long but she still missed her. She misses Lena. Lena didn’t say anything and Kara is still not sure on where they are with each other. Should she say something? Is Lena still mad? does she still want space? Does Lena want her to talk to her?

Mogra stood there feeling awkward at the silence and staring going on between Kara and Lena. Lena spared no glance to her so before the elevator door closes she decides. Mogra walks out of the elevator tugging Kara along with her. Lena’s eyes watch Mogra’s hands on Kara’s forearm, and she fails to notice the smirk on Mogra’s lips as she’s too busy looking at their hands.

Lena takes a step back to allow them to walk pass her, she feels a sharp pain upon seeing that the woman holding Kara’s arm is wearing Kara’s hoodie. The one that Lena herself had given Kara. Kara didn’t even say a word and followed the other woman in her daze. Lena caught the look on Kara’s face, she looks rather hurt?

_should I say something? Why didn’t Kara say anything?_

A million questions popped into her mind and she’s still standing in front of the elevator that’s already moving upwards.

Kara lets Mogra drags her out of the elevator and when Lena moved without saying anything she thought that maybe Lena still isn’t ready to talk to her. She’s not going to lie, it kind of hurts being ignored but if Lena wanted space, then space is what she’ll get.

“ come on “ Mogra says wanting to avoid her other self and this awkward situation, she knows how deep the kryptonian feels towards her other self and how much she’s hurt by their falling out.

Lena presses the elevator button again, she wants to talk to Kara tonight. She’s ready. After a few seconds of prepping herself she turns around and called out “ Kara wait “

Lena looks at them both, her eyes scans Mogra and vice versa.

Kara, feeling uneasy with the two same people sizing each other up stood in front of Mogra so that she’ll be closer to Lena, also so that Mogra and Lena would stop looking at each other like enemies when they’re literally the same person.

Lena took that gesture as Kara being protective of the other woman and it bothers her more that she’d like to admit.

Lena fixes her gaze on Kara.

“ can we talk for a bit? “ Lena asks though the tone in her voice suggest otherwise

Mogra knows that tone, she’s used it a thousand times during meetings. It’s exciting that she’s facing her other self for the first-time face to face. It sends a thrill down her spine, she takes a look at Lena. Her smooth pale skin, her eyes still shine bright even though there’s a hint of sadness and hurt, still this Lena is living a better life than she ever has. For a moment she feels enraged, jealous for the life that Lena has and she doesn’t. She takes a look at Kara who seems to be in a daze and decided it’s going to be an emotional mess for the Kryptonian for the rest of the day so she answers for her.

“ she has work to do “ Mogra takes a step to the side so Kara is no longer shielding her vision from Lena

“ _she, can make her own decision_ “ Lena replies and clenches her jaw and Kara being an expert on Lena knows that she’s starting to get annoyed. She looks back and forth between Mogra and Lena, feeling confused and intimidated at the thought of dealing with two versions of them at the same time.

“ yeah sure, uh you want to talk here? “ Kara intervenes

“ my office please? “ Lena says and makes way into the elevator that’s arrived

Kara follows in and when Mogra makes her way into the elevator Lena grits her teeth and lets out a stern yet polite

“ _privately, if you don’t mind_ “ Lena says to Mogra

“ well, I mind “ Mogra replies with her head high, showing that she’s not at all intimidated by the other woman “ I still have that bitchy aura huh “ Mogra mutters under her breath

“ I beg your pardon? “ Lena asks, her tone cautious but stern

“ nothing, didn’t say a word “ Mogra replies nonchalantly 

Kara takes a step forward so she’s stood in the middle of the two women, feeling way too uncomfortable at the other two who seems ready to claw each other’s eyes out.

Is she mentally panicking? Yes, a lot. Firstly, is because Lena wants to talk to her and she’s not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing yet. Secondly is because Mogra is being way too ‘ Lena ‘ right now. They are both really head strong so, going against each other will result in absolute catastrophe. One Lena is enough to make her into a mumbling mess, two Lena’s in the elevator with her? she’ll die. She’ll literally die.

Kara follows timidly behind Lena and Mogra walks confidently beside her. When they reached Lena’s office Lena stopped by at Jess’s desk and says

“ make sure we’re not disturbed for the next ten minutes please jess “

“ of course Ms. Luthor “ Jess replies and gives Kara a small glare no doubt picking up her absence the last few months as a falling out with Lena.

Lena pushes her door apart and when Kara walks in she steps in front of the door before Mogra could get into the room

“ we’re not to be disturbed, you can stay out here until we’re done “ Lena says and before Mogra could say anything back she shuts the door leaving an annoyed and fuming Mogra on the other side no doubt Kara thinks

Kara can literally imagine Mogra cursing right now with her glare of daggers directed at everything her eye lands at and she was right.

“ have I always been this rude? “ Mogra mumbles

“ would you like something to drink? “ Jess asks

“ no thank you “ Mogra takes a seat in one of the chairs outside of Lena’s office, if she concentrates, she can do doubt hear what they’re saying but decides against it.

Kara stands awkwardly in the middle of Lena’s office. It’s been so long that she’s welcomed in her, usually she barges in or just hover outside at the balcony. She winces remembering the memory of their talk at the balcony. Kara looks around, taking in every inch of the office, everything is the same except the picture of her, Lena and Alex on Lena’s table is gone. Is Kara nervous? Yes. This could only lead to two things, either Lena’s going to let her down and never want her in her life ever again or Lena is willing to forgive her and they could work through their issues _together_. Kara prays it’s the latter instead of the former.

Lena walks pass her and leans her back on her desk gesturing for Kara to take a seat on the chair, which is a bit too formal for Kara considering after they started becoming friends they both prefer to sit on the couch, where they could be close to each other and yet at a safe distance.

“ um I’m fine really “ Lena lets out a low chuckle at the response and nods her head as she was about let out a comment that will no doubt start a fight between them but Kara was faster

“ so what did you want to talk about? “ Kara asks while her hand busy playing with the hem of her shirt, don’t get her wrong she’s glad that Lena reached out and wants to talk to her but she’s anxious to know about what exactly.

“ right, I’ve had time to think and I am ready for us to talk. There’s a lot of things that we need to clear on and I think it’s best if we settle this quickly so we can move on. “ Kara stiffens at Lena’s words

Does that mean Lena wants nothing to do with her after their talk? Does she just want to clear the air and then cut ties with her?

Kara feels a jolt of pain burn through her body at the thought of being cut off Lena’s life. It’s fine though, if that’s what Lena needs then, fine by her.

“ oh um sure, when and where? “

“ my place, seven “

“ okay I’ll be there “

The air around them is tense, they both know that. Both of them are careful with what they can and cannot say. So, Kara takes the first step, she needs to know, she needs to prepare.

“ Lena? “ her voice so gentle and soft echoes around Lena’s office

“ after we talk… what’s going to happen? “

“ what do you mean? “ Lena tilts her head to the side, Lena’s expression and body language screams ‘ professionalism ‘

“ I mean, with _us_. After out talk do you still want… i- I’m confused too Lena. I don’t know where this is going. I want us to fix this “ Kara says earnestly and moves swiftly so she’s by Lena’s side and leans her back on the desk. Their shoulders pressing and hands brushing againts each other.

“ _us_? Was there even an ‘us’ Kara? “

Kara was silent, had she read everything wrong? No, it couldn’t be it. Does Lena no longer feel the same?

“ what do you mean? “ Lena sighs when Kara repeated her own words back to her

“ I mean, in all these years you had so much time to tell me, but you didn’t and I don’t want to hear your excuse of protecting me. We can’t go back to the way things were. How do you expect me to- you know what? We’ll talk about this later okay? “ Lena calms herself, she wants them to be on equal footing. There’s more to talk about and her office is not the place for it.

“ we can work through this and move forward Lena “

“ Truthfully saying I don’t know, Kara. I don’t think talking about it here is going to change anything so let’s wait until tonight “ Lena doesn’t seem uncomfortable with their closeness and didn’t move away or move her hand away from Kara’s, so Kara takes a bolder approach. Kara sense that Lena is holding back. Kara wants to know what it is that Lena _isn’t_ saying. There’s something else, she knows that much.

Kara moves so she’s standing directly in front of Lena, she looks into Lena’s eyes with so much emotion trying to tell or rather show how much pain she’s in, how she’s confused with all of this, how she’s ready to forgive and forget, how she wants them to take a step forward, how she wants to cross the line that has been drawn between them at the start of their friendship. Lena looks at her back, cold, distant but there’s till warmth in there. Kara can see it, she can feel it.

“ Lena- “

“ why are you here exactly? “ Lena didn’t mean it to come off as snappy as it did, truly, but she didn’t have it in her to take back what she said. Some part of her felt a brief satisfaction of the way Kara winced at the harsh tone and the other part of her felt sorry for the way she talked to her.

“ snapper sent me “ Kara replies and distances herself from Lena. She fists her hand and pushes her glasses up a bit.

“ ah, the lab. So, you need a quote from me then? “ Lena asks

“ no it’s fine, I should go now. “ Kara gives Lena a small smile and makes her way to the door. She didn’t want to overstay her welcome. She’s still not sure what’s going to happen but whatever it is, she knows it’s going to hurt her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm scared


	13. Just Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to point out any mistakes you noticed! 
> 
> comments are always appreciated!! <3

**Chapter 13**

After Kara walked out of Lena’s office she was quiet. Mogra noticed that, figured the kryptonian needed some time so she left her alone. She stood by the reporter during the interviews and made no snarky comments. So basically, she behaved herself. In the elevator, on their way down from the lab, it was weird for Mogra seeing the kryptonian so quiet and down so she said fuck it and pulled Kara in for a hug, thankfully they were the only ones in the elevator. If Kara was stunned by the hug, she hid it well.

Mogra’s left hand went to the back of the Kryptonian’s head and she pushed it to her shoulder blades, her fingers comb through the blonde locks while she holds her tightly to her body. Her other hand moving up and down on the kryptonian’s back for comfort. Mogra hugged her with the hope it gave her a sense of comfort and Kara lets her. They stayed like that for a while before Mogra speaks again.

“ you okay? “

“ yeah “ Kara’s voice muffled by Mogra’s shirt then Kara lifts up her head and give Mogra a small smile to assure her that she’s fine. Mogra is still hugging Kara and that made their position somewhat… intimately close. Their faces inches away from each other, Mogra got sucked in by the vast ocean blue eyes in front of her and every thought she had in her mind, vanished and for once, it was quiet there. Mogra felt peace, comfort and warm. Their moment was disturbed by the ringing of Kara’s phone. She took it out and saw that it was the DEO.

“ there’s an emergency, I have to go “ Kara pulls back from Mogra and she nods her head a few times before speaking again, trying to get her thought together from getting lost in the reporter’s eyes

“ okay, sure, I’ll just teleport to check out the labs first and then head back to yours “ As soon as they reached the lobby Kara went out into the nearby alley to change and fly over to where there was trouble

“ the fuck is going on inside that head of yours Lena? “ Mogra rubs her temple and looks at her hands. She had hugged Kara. She wanted to hug her, she wanted to comfort her, it hurt her to see the kryptonian so down like that. That much was all clear, but why? She’s starting to care for her, she’s starting to develop feelings for her, she’s starting to reach the impossible. Mogra rubs her eyes and chuckled at the irony of it all. She starts to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

_Ridiculous. Fucked up._

* * *

Never in a million years would Jess thought that she would see her boss, Lena Luthor slumping on her desk with her head on the desk and arms tightly gripping her hair.

“ stupid, stupid “ Jess hears the other woman mumbles

“ um, Ms. Luthor? “ her timid voice seems to get Lena out of whatever she was doing and straighten her back, her poised and professional look once again as her front

“ cancel everything else and then you can go home jess “ Lena says

“ yes, Ms. Luthor “ as soon as Jess is out of her office Lena groans loudly and slaps her hand to her forehead

“ you idiotic brick cold emotionless bitch “ Lena mumbles again

She feels bad, that was not how she wanted to handle her meeting with Kara. She handled it badly, Kara approached her and as usual, she fucked it up because of her stupid issues. It was her defense mechanism and she hates it. She glances to her phone, debating on texting the blonde or not. Should she? The look Kara had when she walked out the office is for sure going to give her nightmares. Kara looked defeated, hurt and she’s the cause of it, as always. Lena doesn’t even want to imagine how Kara would react when she tells her about almost telling her identity to the world. Deciding that she needs some air, Lena walked out on her balcony and leans towards the deck railing, the busy streets and loud noises of the city distracts her for a moment.

Lena knows she needs to get her shit together, her career? It’s fantastic! She knows how to do deals, complicated equations, paperwork, all of it she could do in her sleep. Her private life on the other hand, she can’t, she needs a fucking guide book or something to help her because so far, she’s fucked it up bad.

_I’m sorry Kara._ Lena whispers and walks in back into her office.

After drowning herself in work for hours trying to calm down her nerves Lena makes her exit out of her office to her home, is she nervous? Very much so. But she needs to come clean and they need to talk, she can do this. Right?

Lena walks in her quiet dark penthouse, she makes her way to the balcony and waits outside enjoying the wind and the sight of the city slowly turning to dark. It’s almost seven and Kara will be here any minute now.

Kara walks out of CatCo after handing in her article and was about to head to Lena’s when she got called in again.

“ Supergirl? There’s an big fire on 27th Street. Three people are still inside “ Kara hurriedly turns and make her way to the location.

“ okay, I’m on my way, Alex “ Kara says and hopes this won’t take too long. When she sees the fire, she made her way in through into one of the windows. With the help of her x-ray vision it was easy to take out the trapped civilians. She blows the rest of the fire with her freeze breath and something shiny lined with lead caught her eye. She grabs it and immediately recognizes the LuthorCorp logo on it and one person comes to mind, Lilian.

She opens the box and inside there’s a message for her. Who else would start a fire just to send her a message?

_I know. Your home is next, supergirl. Better be quick._

_\- Lilian_

“ Mogra “ Kara breathes out and in a flash she flew to her home. Did she care that she broke the sound barrier on her way there? No. Is Alex going to give her an earful about it? Yes.

From far away she sees Mogra on the couch, she scans the apartment and notices there’s bomb there on the ceiling. Kara crashes in, grabbing the bomb and flies up high to the sky and throws it higher and within seconds the bomb exploded. What she didn’t expect was the bomb releasing kryptonite all over the atmosphere, she’s close enough that she feels her mind go blank, nausea and powers draining. She looks down and reserves her power for a proper landing. She lets herself fall down naturally and when she’s near her apartment she uses the last drop of her energy to crash in through the window, thankfully not damaging anything else.

Just great, getting exposed to kryptonite twice in one day is tiring. Kara groans from the pain she feels and does her best to stand properly.

“ fucking hell, what is going on? “ Mogra ran towards Kara and helps her stand properly. She has cuts all over her face and hands but thankfully nothing too bad.

“ are you okay? “ Kara asks

“ are _you_ okay? “ Mogra replies and holds her arm for support

“ I solar flared again… um Lilian… she knows, she sent a message. It’s not safe for us to stay here. “ Kara hands Mogra the lead lined box she found earlier and Mogra scoffed

“ this is a warning “

“ how did she even get the bomb in here? “

“ it’s Lilian, what do you expect? “ Mogra replies

“ we have to go somewhere safe, she knows we’re here. We can stay at the DEO. “

“ fuck no! you don’t think that my mother has a spy in the DEO? she has ears everywhere! “

“ oh and where should we go if not the DEO? Hawaii? “ Kara says and grimaces at the cut on her lip

“ what? Why the fuck- okay… let’s just think first “ Mogra takes a deep breath and paces around the living room

“ you know… if we just tell Lena… I bet she has a place we could stay for a while “ Kara says nonchalantly

“ Fuck no. “ Mogra points a finger at Kara to show her that she is serious about it and Kara huffs loudly

“ just think about it! Lena’s a genius- “

“ so the fuck am I ! “

“ and with two of you and me! we could do this thing easy peasy lemon squeezy- “

“ please never say that again “

“ and she has resources, she knows Lilian, and we have a place to stay! “

“ _I said fucking no_ “ Mogra said with finality in her voice.

“ we can’t stay here, I mean for all we know we’re being watched and surrounded by her people “

“ just let me think “ Mogra plops down beside Kara and glances at her. “ I think I might know a place we can stay but- “

“ crap! Lena! oh gosh I’m so late, I have to go. “ Kara runs the bedroom to change and curses the fact that she has to walk or call a cab to go to Lena’s which would just take more time.

“ you’re leaving me? “ Kara hears Mogra’s voice from the living room

“ you said you know a place? Think you can handle it on your own? “ Kara shouts back

“ yeah but it’s going to take time probably but I’ll try “

“ wait, where is this place exactly? “ Kara sticks out her head white buttoning her shirt

“ I have money. I can buy a place and just use a fake identity. I’ll handle it okay? “ Mogra explained

“ it’s night time, won’t you have to wait until tomorrow? “ Kara walks out of her bedroom

“ I said I’ll handle it. You look like you’ve been mugged with all of that cut on your face “

“ I know, it’ll heal soon when I get my powers back, so text me when you’re done? “

“ yeah yeah whatever “ Mogra rolls her eyes and gets ready to teleport

“ be safe, okay? call me if anything is suspicious “

“ yes, god I can take care of myself you know? “ with a push of a button Mogra disappeared. Kara sighed thinking if she should have gone with Mogra, with a last look around her apartment she made her way out to Lena’s.

* * *

Kara nervously steps forward and knocks on the door. It’s almost nine and Kara knows Lena will be pissed at her for being late.

She hears Lena’s light footsteps as she makes way to the door and when the door opens she sees Lena with her poker face on but it immediately went away when she notices the cuts in Kara’s face.

“ my god, what happened to you? “ Lena steps forward and touches Kara’s face

“ sorry I’m late, uh a lot of things happened and I solar flared so I had to come here the normal way“ Kara says and touches Lena’s hand on her face.

“ are you okay? “ Lena asks and leads Kara to the couch, she walks towards her bedroom and comes back out with a first aid kit in hand

“ you know I’ll heal as soon as my powers come back right? “ Kara says with a lopsided smile

“ in the mean time, the wounds still needs to be cleaned Kara, just stay still okay? “ Lena pulls out some of cotton wools and cleans up her cuts on Kara’s face.

Lena leans in a bit to have a better look, their faces so close like the night at Kara’s apartment. Lena’s soft right hand on Kara’s jaw while the other is dabbing gently on the cuts on her face. Kara looks fondly at Lena and the care she’s receiving. It feels nice Kara thinks, to be taken care of by someone you love. It feels as if they are fine again. It feels as if they can get past this and finally be happy.

Lena’s thumb caresses Kara’s cheeks, and lingers for a moment. Sometimes Lena wonders how it would have been if they had both been born as someone normal. Just two individuals with jobs and a normal life, falling in love. Would they have been happy? Would they have crossed the line sooner? Lena looks into Kara’s eyes and she sees all of the things that she had done to hurt the blonde but there’s still the look of fondness and warmth radiating from Kara. She lets out a loud sigh pulling back from her closeness with Kara, Lena cleans up the first aid kit and glances over at Kara “ so, are you going to tell me what happened? I saw the news it seemed like you had everything handled pretty quickly? “

Kara fidgets and scratches her forehead out of discomfort “ I found something during the fire. A message that they had a bomb planted in my home so I went there and got rid of the bomb, I didn’t realize that there was kryptonite inside the bomb and I fought with an alien earlier who had kryptonite as well. I guess the exposure had been too much hence which is why I solar flared “

“ holy fuck Kara “ Kara smiles remembering the times when Mogra curses the way Lena just did

“ wait so are you safe staying there? do you need a place to stay? Who was behind it? does the DEO have it under control? “ Lena bombarded her with questions

“ uh it’s fine Lena we’re working on it and a friend of mine who’s currently living with me is out finding a place to stay for the both of us for a while until we get this figured out “

“ ah… the woman from earlier? “ Lena questions while avoiding Kara’s gaze

“ yeah “

“ so… you two are living together? “ Lena asks again trying to be discreet of her not liking the other woman being close with Kara

“ yup just for a while until she’s finished with her business here “

“ oh… you know if you want you could just stay with me, Kara. I know we’re having troubles now but if you need my help… “

“ I’ll have to talk to her first, if that’s okay with you? “ Kara gives Lena a genuine smile, thankful that Lena is slowly warming up to her again

“ right… that _friend_ of yours… sure “ Lena walks to the kitchen and grabs them both a glass of water and gulps nervously as she sits beside Kara again

“ you seem tired, if you’re not up for it we can talk another time, Kara “

“ I’m exhausted but no, let’s get this over with “

“ alright then, do you want something to eat or snacks? “

“ no thank you “ Kara politely declines and Lena’s face twist in confusion

“ what’s wrong? You never turn down food “

“ well considering how formal you were at the office I thought that’s how we are with each other now? “ Kara blurts out and immediately regrets it but at the same time was glad that she said that because it was the truth.

“ I’m sorry, I was- I was a bit startled that you were at L-Corp and I handled it… “

“ like it was business “

“ yes, like it was business. It’s how I deal with things when I’m nervous or uncomfortable “ Kara nods her head, of course she had known that but it’s getting really tiring for her. The hot and cold and the push and pull between them had been going on for years and more ever since the secret’s out. Kara just wants it to be over so they could be okay again. That’s all she wants. For them to be okay again.

“ I’m not okay. You’re not okay. We’re both not okay “ Kara says and slides down on the couch and rests her head to the soft head of the couch

“ yeah “

“ I want us to be okay again, Lena. I want us to… “ Lena waits for Kara to finish her sentence but when Kara just closes her eyes, she takes charge

“ let’s talk hm? And then see where we go from there “ Lena gulps nervously when Kara nods her head in agreement

“ okay, what do we talk about? “

“ Let’s talk about everything. Talk about how… how I betrayed you, how it made you feel. Let it all out, we need to let this out once and for all and then we’ll move past it. okay? It’s okay to talk about your feelings with me, about me. And I’ll do the same to you. Say whatever you want to say, I mean it Kara. Let it all out. I want us to for once in our friendship, be real with each other. I’m here to listen first. I don’t care if you yell at me, insult me, tell me how angry you are at me, how I hurt you, lash out on me... I just want you to let it all out. Please. We both deserve closure and transparency if we want to be in each other’s life. No more lies. Just the truth. “

“ okay, so… how do we do this? do you want me to lie down on this couch or do you ? “ Lena chuckles at Kara’s attempt to lighten up the mood

“ I’m content with sitting here but if you want to lie down then go ahead. “

“ no I think I’ll just fall asleep… “ Lena notes the tired voice and heavy eye lids and she almost just want to throw out the plan to talk and cuddle on the couch watching a movie or just play with Kara’s hair while she drifts off to sleep but she can’t. Not until they’ve talked it out. She takes a deep breath and looks Kara in the eye as she begins talking

“ We’ve both hurt each other and now, I want everything out in the open. If you don’t feel comfortable with telling me about something then it’s fine. I’m not going to force you or anything. Let’s make this a bit easier and start at the very beginning… why did you befriended me in the first place? “

Kara shifts so her body is facing Lena and her hands reaches out to Lena’s playing with her fingers, she smiles a little when Lena does the same. Kara smiles widen when she recalls their first meeting and every moment that she feels nervous or just flustered around Lena. Thinking back, it was thrilling and just nice of the way how things were simple back then.

“ I… um okay I guess. At first when I met you, you were an enigma to me. you’re so different from your family I can see that clearly even when we first met. I kept trying to befriend you because I wanted to, _just because_ _I simply wanted to_ and nothing more. You’re fascinating to me Lena, the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, walk, handles the pressure. In some ways, you gave me strength to just be Kara Zor-El and not just Kara Danvers or Supergirl but the real me, the one my friends on Krypton have known. We talked about normal stuff, what I used to talk to my friends back on Krypton you know? “ Lena grips Kara’s hand tightly at the mention of Krypton and Kara intertwines both of their hands, inching forward a bit so she’s closer to Lena.

“ We gossip, joke and would occasionally flirt. I guess it was all good. Everyone else sees Kara Danvers or Supergirl or both. It’s different with you, it always has. I don’t know how to explain it so you understand but with you I’m just _simply me_. You kept pushing me away at first and I understood that in more ways than you can imagine. I mean for heaven’s sake Lena, I came from another planet so I know all about being an outcast, when I see you I saw myself and I didn’t want you to feel like that because you didn’t deserve that, you’re being dragged by what your family did “

“ so you befriended me simply because you wanted to? As simple as that? “ Kara hears Lena’s voice as gentle as wind caressing her face on a windy night

“ is that too hard to believe? “ Kara runs her thumb along Lena’s palm

“ can you blame me for doubting you? “ Kara lets out a small chuckle at the reply and shakes her head

“ no, I guess not… so your turn? “ Lena’s other hand starts playing with the hem of Kara’s shirt out of nervousness

“ right, so I won’t lie, I was skeptical of you. Ms. Kara Danvers, reporter of CatCo, former assistant of Cat Grant. You stood out, Kara. You’re a beautiful woman and I was simply nice to you because I- _because I am attracted to you_. “ Lena’s hands reaches out to tucks in Kara’s loose hair strands behind her ears and uses her pointing finger to gently brush against Kara’s soft skin, she retrieves her hand and grabs both of Kara’s hands in hers

“ At first when you offered me your friendship I knew it was too good to be true, I thought you were sent by my mother or Lex or anyone else who has a bone to pick with the Luthor name really. So my walls were high, but slowly as I spend time with you I thought ‘ no way. no way this kind, gentle of a woman is sent to kill me ‘ but still, I came to National City to start a new life, not make friends or get my heart broken. But Kara Danvers is special, you broke down my walls with effort yet with ease, Kara. I trusted you. I let my guard down and let you in. You came into my life simply because I wanted you to and I let you.. “

“ simply because you wanted me to and let me? “ Kara grins as she repeats Lena’s earlier words

“ is that too hard to believe? “ Lena chuckles as she repeats Kara’s word back at her

“ I mean… can you blame me? “ they both have a soft smile on their lips feeling a bit lighter

“ so, next ? “ Lena questions, wanting Kara to choose about what they talk next

“ you’re really being thorough huh? “ Kara hums as she thinks for a moment

“ yes, what do you want to talk about next? “

“ Lex and how you found out “ As soon as those words left Kara’s lips Lena stiffens and pulls her hands away from Kara’s and Kara lets her knowing that this is a sensitive subject and Lena needs space.

“ the full story, Lena. Transparency remember? “ Lena gulps nervously and stands up, moving to sit at the couch opposite Kara so they’re sitting further away from each other.

“ okay, so let me start off by saying I’m sorry. You have every right to be angry with me. I hurt you too. I did a lot of things out of spite that I regret. I went into a very dark place and for a moment I lost grasps of myself, I went out of control while believing I was doing it for the greater good. I was hyper focused on my goal that I ignored who I hurt which is you. I truly do apologize, Kara. “

“ okay “ Kara’s calm voice did nothing to ease Lena of her nervousness but she continues

“ so… I shot him and he showed me clips of you using your powers. Kaznia, Mercy attack and many more. It was very… Lex of him to use the time he had left to torment me. I guess what he said stuck with me, I was shocked and full of emotions so when he said you have been lying to me from the start, mocked me, humiliated me, betrayed me, it really went into my head. He called me a fool and said that I’m left with no one and nothing. It’s quite funny how right he is. He’s not wrong you know? What do I have left? You were it. You were everything. I didn’t even realize it but I’ve adjusted my life to revolve around you. I bought CatCo for you, I became friends with _your_ friends, I spend my free time with you, I dated your friend. Everything is connected to you, so when you became a lie, my logic follows that everything else was as well. Everything I thought was real became a shit show, a joke, a lie, a manipulation. “

“ I’m so- “ Kara tries to apologize again but was cut off by Lena’s broken voice. Kara can see Lena’s green emerald eyes brimming with tears

“ _Don’t_. I meant what I said. You’ve apologized enough Kara. There’s more, I… after I found out from Lex… before you told me about supergirl, I did something bad, well I didn’t do it but I almost did. “

“ _…did you eat Kale_? “ Kara jokes and felt a wave of relief when Lena chuckles at her comment

“ …yes but that’s not it, seriously Kara you need to know about this “ Lena looks down at her feet and fidget with her fingers

“ right, okay sor- I mean, you were saying? “ Kara leans forward resting her elbows on her knees

“ I… I was ready to expose your identity to the world. I made a deal with Andrea saying that I had a big thing to announce when she took over, but then you told me about Supergirl and I was taken aback by that. I mean, you hid it from me for so long and suddenly you just told me out of the blue. I am ashamed for even thinking of doing that Kara. Believe me, when I thought it over I canceled the deal. I was petty and I wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry “ Lena wipes her tears and looks up to see Kara’s face void of any emotion.

“ please say something “ Lena pleads, watching Kara stay silent while her jaw clenches is making her mind race with every worst scenario possible.

What if Kara leaves? What if Kara hates her after this? What if Kara thinks that she’s just another Luthor?

“ _oh_ " Kara says, her eyes locked on the dark night sky outside. It was shocking to hear that, of course it is. She doesn’t even know how to react or what to say.

“ I’m sorry, Kara. I don’t care, scream at me, yell at me, say anything you want at me. I deserve it… it was stupid I kn- “

“ if I didn’t tell you then would you have gone through with it? “ Lena sniffles and covers her face with her hands

“ …yes? No? maybe, I don’t know “

“ oh wow… “

“ Kara… “ Lena watches as Kara stands up, afraid that she’s going to leave Lena moves to go closer to her

“ no don’t, just give me a moment “ Lena stops and just sits back down looking at Kara like her life depended on it.

Kara’s mouth opens and closes before she tries to say something “ I just- how could you? I- “ Kara paces in front of Lena taking deep breaths

“ I know Kara, I know and I’m sorry “

“ I defended you! from time to time, whenever people doubted you I didn’t! I stood by you because I-. How could you even- “ Kara feels every emotion in her going into overdrive. Her voice stays low and calm but stern.

“ everyone was against me befriending you, even after we got close whenever something happens and involves your mother or brother everyone would assume you were in it too but I never did. I just can’t understand how you could have even thought of doing that Lena… one mistake… just one mistake and everything else vanishes to thin air? Our good times, our trust, our friendship and… _us_. What did you think was going to happen if you did go through with it? do you even understand how you could have put all of the people that I care about in danger? Did you think about that Lena? did you even think about any of it? or was it what you were aiming for? to hurt me ? “ Kara knows the way her voice wavers is betraying her anger, she’s so close to breaking down right here in front of Lena

“ I’m sorry “ it was all that Lena could say to Kara in this moment and she knows it. She knows how much Kara had stoop up for her, she knows it and she knows what she did hurt Kara. She’s ashamed and regretful. She hung her head low, admitting she was in the wrong and just to listen to Kara. She knows Kara had been through a lot and it pains her that she had caused Kara more pain through the last few months.

“ everyone that I care about would be dead! If I as so much as talk to someone my enemies are going to use that against me! I would be crushed that you- if you had gone through with it I don’t even know what I would feel or… the mere knowledge of you almost doing that pains me… if you had done it I think… I think it would have broken me “

Kara’s voice gets louder as she kneels before Lena, forcing Lena to look her in the face, and Lena looks.

“ I have lost so much! _So much, Lena._ I’ve lost my family, friends, culture, I’ve lost my world! I was trapped in a pod for years! In the dark and alone with the memories of my world exploding on repeat in my head. I was alone for so long and when I got here, I was given to strangers and the baby that I was supposed to look after is a grown man saving the world! I mourned the loss of everyone I’ve loved alone while adjusting to the life here. “ Kara puts her hand on Lena’s knees, still looking her dead in the eyes

“ No one can ever understand it, not one single person can understand my pain. I’m messed up too! I’ve only been surviving through it all these years. I have been struggling and suffocating too. I show people what they want to see, I have been hiding a part of myself to keep the darkness in me away from others because they can never understand it, can never even imagine what I’ve lost and felt. Hiding who I truly am I second nature to me, Lena. I don’t think you’ve noticed but humans can be scary. “ Kara lets out a small laugh and wipes her tears

“ On Krypton it was systematic, everyone accepted one another and lived in peace. I’m not saying Krypton was perfect but it is way different than Earth for sure. Here on Earth, there’s so much imbalance. The discrimination towards one’s gender, the gender inequality, the hatred and unacceptance towards those simply loving who they love, the racism, the sexism, the polluted system, the hatred they have for others consumes them, their thirsts for power, for money and intelligence. It’s brutal and vicious. I was suddenly living in this chaotic world where everywhere there is violence. Everyday people die because of the immaturity of the human race to accept and see that everyone is equal. I see and hear everything Lena. I hear married couples fight, children crying because they were bullied or sexually harassed, abused women, abused men. I never get a break and sometimes I just want someone who can make me feel safe and sane. I want to be in their arms, to feel their warmth. To be acknowledged that I am a person who has gone through so much _, so much Lena_ and still stands strong. I want to be cared for, I want _you_ to see that _I am fragile too_ , just like everyone else. I just want someone to see that I am not as strong as people think I am. “ Lena leans forward and when Kara didn’t move away, she rests her forehead against Kara’s and wipes the tears away with her hands. She cradles Kara’s face and they both shed tears looking at each other brokenly.

“ do you even know who I am, Lena? have you really seen me for who I am? Have you ever seen through me? “ Kara asks with desperation

“ of course I have Kara, I mean I don’t know the whole you because I didn’t know you’re supergirl but I’d like to think that I saw a part of you. “ Lena smiles and sinks down to the floor hugging Kara and holding her close

“ I know that you’re not really a morning person and loves to sleep in every once in a while… I know that you love breakfast or just food in general but still, you like a good breakfast meal. I know that you sing in the shower, loves hot chocolate, your one true love is pot stickers, I know you enjoy reading, you love it when it rains because it’s calming, you love painting, you love romantic movies and musicals, you can’t live without ice-cream, you wear your heart on your sleeves Kara but at times I can see your pain and sadness too. Sometimes you’d become quiet and just look around you with a look that just screams that you’re taking the moment in. As if you’re grateful to have the people around you there. I always take it as you being a sentimental person but now I know it’s more than that. I haven’t had the chance to see the real you but I still saw you, Kara. “ when Kara didn’t say anything Lena continues

“ I know I’ve hurt you too. I hurt you because you hurt me, I have no excuses for that. It was me being petty and a bitch and I’m sorry for that. I really truly am. All these while you’ve apologised to me, I was… was still wrapped around my head about what you did to me that I never thought about what I did to you. so here I am, telling you that I see you, I see your pain, I see your struggles, I see it Kara and I’m sorry that I contributed to your pain when I should have been the one helping you with it. I’m sorry I left without hearing you out, I’m sorry I made my own assumptions, thought of you the worst ways possible, betrayed you, used kryptonite on you, almost told everyone about your identity. I’m sorry for everything. I see you, Kara. _I see you now, more that I have ever before_. I’m so sorry for what I did and that it took me so long to see you, but I do now and… I’m here for you. “ 

“ thank you for saying that “ Kara pulls back from the hug and Lena’s face falls to show her hurt but then Kara moves to sit beside her and rests her head on Lena’s shoulder. Lena leans her head to rests it on Kara’s head and she boldly takes in Kara’s hand in hers again. Gripping it tightly as if she’ll never let it go.

“ thank you for putting up with me “ Lena says and lands a gentle kiss of Kara’s forehead

Kara hums in delight at the gesture and mumbles “ you smell nice “ she smiles when Lena’s body shakes out of laughter

“ I haven’t showered yet “ Lena moves her arms past Kara’s shoulder and hugs her sideways

“ m’still nice “ Kara grips Lena’s shirt in her hand, closing her eyes at comfort of their closeness.

“ wish I could say the same about you “ Lena jokes

“ hey, I had a very long day “ Kara sniffles and gently slaps Lena’s thigh at the comment

“ I know darling, you smell nice too. “ Lena nuzzled her head closer to Kara’s blonde hair.

They both remained silent for a couple minutes, their emotions are all over the place but both of them feels comfort from each other’s touch so they stayed in their position until Kara breaks the silence

“ hey Lena? “

“ hmm? “

“ I miss you “

“ I miss you too “

“ I’m hungry “ Kara blurts out and Lena chuckles

“ of course you are. Chinese? “

“ oh rao, yes please “ at that, Lena pulls out her phone and ordered at their usual take out place, as soon as she hung up Kara spoke up

“ okay, what next? “ Lena shifts to move away from Kara but Kara shakes her head

“ let’s just stay like this please? “ Kara asks but Lena hesitates, knowing they’re going to talk about some really difficult stuff, but she melts at the way Kara looks at her and nods. She repositions herself and Kara rests her head on Lena’s shoulder once more.

“ what I did to you “ Lena says and Kara takes in a deep breath

“ right “

“ Say what you really mean. No holding back. “ Kara nods her head and begins talking

“ I won’t lie, what you did hurt me in the worst ways imaginable. _You_ manipulated me, used me to get Lex’s journals and when I took you to the fortress, I ju- I was happy you know? I finally get to share everything with you, at last you get to see all of me, everything that made me Kara Zor-El. I was excited to show you some of the things in there and talk to you about them but then you… _you out of all people had used kryptonite on me_. Even after knowing the real me you used it against me and I was truly scared. Scared that you’d hurt me. I’m claustrophobic, did you know that? It’s gotten better but back then? I couldn’t even go into an elevator without hyperventilating and panicking, Alex had to sleep in the same room as me because I couldn’t handle being alone in a closed off space. You didn’t know that part so it’s fine I guess? But the fact remains that you used something that made me feel as if nails runs through my blood, skin clawed by knives. The mere presence of it gives me excruciating pain Lena, and you used it against me. I’ve lived with it long enough that I can tolerate a small amount of it but it still hurts. I know I hurt you but you hurt me just as much Lena “ Kara says and lets her tears fall

“ I know “ Lena wipes her tears and moves to wipe Kara’s tears, she looks deep into those ocean blue eyes that are now red and puffy because of her. She hates that the tears out of Kara’s eyes are because of her. She’s always loved the way Kara looks at her, she lives for the way Kara would smile at her, she breathes for when Kara’s loud happy laugh rings in her ears, she loves the way Kara smells like a windy night at the ocean and Kara’s eyes, when she looks at them she can hear the birds chirping, the smell of salt, the sound of the waves crashing into each other. She feels things when she’s with Kara. She feels whole.

“ shall we talk about Supergirl next? “ Lena suggest

“ you go first, I want to hear your honest opinion on her “

“ I um… I idolized her at first, you know that. I even moved to National City in hopes we could get along and work together. Then, a lot of things happen, we didn’t agree on most of the things and I don’t think there was enough trust there. Our methods on how we approach things often clash. The way supergirl treated me… it was hot and cold. Some moments she seems fine with me and others she’s defensive and alert as if I could kill her any given minute. I didn’t like that. I stopped liking her. She can be self-righteous at times, and humble, and kind, gentle, cold, annoying, demanding and just a lot of things. It was difficult with her, there was tension whenever we’re close, but when we agreed on things and work together, there was momentum to it, it was very nice and I enjoyed it. I care about her but I care about Kara Danvers in more ways others can comprehend. Supergirl is complex, difficult and tortuous while Kara Danvers is serene, open and just straightforward or at least I thought she was. “

Kara was silent for a moment and then as if she’s arranged her thoughts she speaks

“ Supergirl and you… had a difficult relationship, I won’t deny that. It was obvious I had my guard up as Supergirl because you were expecting it, looking for it even, but there are times when I had my guard up as Kara too. There are moments where we disagreed but it was subtle because there wasn’t a history of our family feuding with each other. It was easy for Supergirl and you to fight because it’s obvious there’s a history there. I get that. I also admit I have been hot and cold to you as Supergirl, I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. Remember when you and Supergirl dealt with Sam and Reign? You were mad at me because Kara wasn’t there but Supergirl was. Those moments made it confusing and frustrates me to no end. I was there for you, I always have, but I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you who I was because it’s been too late, we’ve been friends for so long and I was scared. I was a coward who didn’t want to lose you. I knew you’d be mad and react badly and I didn’t want to know what that would be like. “ Lena moves so Kara and her would be face to face again

“ you know It took me a bit longer to realize that? I had to combine my memories with you and my memories with Supergirl so it took some time to fully understand that when you weren’t there as Supergirl, you were there as Kara. I appreciate that I really do Kara. “ Kara smiles and leans in as she breathes out her next words

“ anything else we want to talk about? “ Lena can practically feel Kara’s breath on her lips, she glances at Kara’s lips and leans in a bit further

“ what are we? “ Lena asks and wets her lips, her tongue almost brushed against Kara’s lips due to their closeness

“ I don’t want to pretend anymore, Lena “ Kara’s breathy voice drives Lena insane. It’s so close Lena thinks, she could just lean in and kiss Kara. She could, Kara’s here, so close to her. Kara’s still here after everything Lena thinks. But she’s still scared.

As if Kara senses Lena’s hesitance, she leans back and studies Lena’s face.

Kara almost couldn’t breathe when she says her next words, afraid of the answer Lena will provide

“ do you not want this? If you don’t then it’s fine Lena. If you no longer feel the same or… “

“ no, of course I do. God Kara, you’re all I’ve ever wanted. “ Kara lets out a shaky breath and moves closer to Lena

“ then what’s the issue? “

“ me “ Lena replies with laughter “ you don’t want to get too involved with me, Kara. I’m no good for you “

“ then who is? “

“ I don’t know someone else maybe. If we didn’t work before what makes you think we’re going to work now? “ Kara moves Lena’s head so she’s facing her

“ we communicate better now, Lena. We’ve gone through every worst scenario ever. Surely the future won’t be as bad right? we can handle it. “ Kara says confidently

“ Kara, I don’t deserve you. I’ve done things to you that I haven’t forgiven myself for or you even forgiven me for and vice versa. We have so much baggage and shit. I’m not asking for forgiveness, I don’t want or deserve it. Us? Together? It’s a disaster, Kara “

“ Lena, love isn’t about _not_ hurting each other. It’s about hurting each other and somehow still finding a way to forgive. It’s about working through all of the issues together with respect and understanding towards one goal, which is to remain by each other’s side. It’s about the effort we put in to keep someone close. Loving someone is a choice, Lena. I want this. I want to work through this with you. I want you in my life as my partner. I’m willing to put everything I have in this, but only and only if you want it too. If you truly feel that way and do not want this then say the word and I’ll walk away. “

Lena closes her eyes and buries her head near the crook of Kara’s neck. “ I’m scared “ Kara’s heart stings at Lena’s small voice

“ I am too. You won’t lose me, Lena. If you’re afraid that after all this I’m going to leave… “

“ I’m serious, Kara. I just… I never believed in love you know? Growing up I didn’t exactly see a good example of it, and when I go into relationships I never fully commit. It never bothered me when I would break up with someone or have a stressful day and have no one to come home to or rant or have a horrible date because I just don’t see myself committing to someone. When you came along, I felt a sense of stability. You were solid, strong and sturdy. I was so sure that you’ll be in my life for a long time that I never doubted you. So, if I were to commit to someone, there’s no doubt it would be you but we’re not at the right place to jump into a relationship. It’s too fucked up. “

“ explain how it’s fucked up then “ Kara says and Lena looks at her with a shocked expression making Kara rolls her eyes at the reaction

“ wha- I’m sorry, did Ms. Kara golly Danvers just cursed? “

“ I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I associate myself with some very bad people so I picked up a few things here and there. “

“ really though, Kara. We’re a mess. “

“ then we’ll both be a mess in a relationship “

“ Kara… “

“ why won’t you let yourself be happy Lena? “ Kara asks and sighs

“ because whenever something good happens to me something bad happens too “ Kara leans in, her hands on Lena’s sharp jaw, her lips inches away from Lena’s and Lena’s eyes locked into Kara’s eyes as if she needs assurance that she’s not dreaming

“ _just let go Lena, it’s okay to let go now. I’m here_. “

Lena leans in and when her lips made contact with Kara’s, she feels bliss, it was innocent, slow and full of emotion. She pulls back and smiles widely with tears on her face and nods her head letting out a wet chuckle

“ _okay_ “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally...... but Mogra?


	14. The calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update!  
> comments are always appreciated. feel free to point out any mistakes!

**Chapter 14**

“ in the spirit of honesty… “ Kara says as she takes a sip of her drink and glances at Lena who has one of her eyebrow raised up in question

“ there’s um… there’s something else “ Lena nods her head and takes another bite of her food

“ but I can’t tell you… not yet because it’s not really my secret well… I guess It kind of is? But it’s not my decision to make, you uh… you understand, right? I would tell you if I could, but I- it’s a bit complicated. “ Kara pushes the noodles in her plate around, afraid of Lena’s reaction after their emotional talk

“ i- I guess? I’m not saying you need to tell me everything that goes on in your life, the thing with you not telling me you’re supergirl is just different, you know? Just… I trust you enough now, I trust your judgement, Kara “ Lena says after struggling to construct a sentence in her head and Kara bits her lip hard, the urge to tell Lena about Mogra and the other Lilian is eating away at her. Kara shoves her food into her mouth to keep it busy in case she blurts out something to Lena. Lena smiles and shakes her head with nothing but fondness and amusement on her face when she sees Kara’s puffed cheeks.

After eating Kara stands awkwardly by the counter of the kitchen

“ so, I guess I’ll be going now “ Kara says reluctant to leave so early but Mogra keeps coming into her mind and it doesn’t sit well with her that Mogra is out there alone while she’s comfortably here with Lena.

Lena walks Kara to the front door and they both linger for a moment there, unsure of what to do after their talk and heat of the moment kiss.

Kara pushes both of her hands to the back pocket of her jeans looking at Lena, while Lena grips both of her sleeves, hiding both of her hands under it.

They both seems to be thinking the same thing. Where do they stand now? There’s a silent understanding there about taking things slow, one step at a time.

_Should I hug her? I mean we kissed but it was during the heat of the moment, does she want me to kiss her again? does she want to kiss me? would-_

While Kara was panicking mentally Lena takes a step forward with a knowing smile as if she could hear Kara’s every thought and kisses her as softtly and gentle as she can on the cheek.

“ The offer still stands for you to stay here, if you change your mind just text me “ Lena says as she leans to the wall and rests her head there and Kara nods her head dumbfoundedly and moves to the elevator with a blush on her cheeks, the kiss was so soft it’s as if feathers had brushed on her cheek and not Lena’s lips, _that’s_ how soft it was and Kara absolutely loves the way it feels. “ good night Lena “

Lena still has that smile on her face and mutters out a soft

“ good night Kara “

Kara stands in the elevator with a dopey grin and takes a deep breath to calm her racing heart and heating face. Her phone rings and she looks at the caller id and sees ‘ The Grinch ‘ she immediately swipes on the green button to answer.

“ hey “ Kara greets Mogra

“ so I found an apartment but it’s like… really small but it’s the only one available so we don’t really have a choice “ Kara starts walking out of Lena’s building and stops at the nearest bus stop she sees

She can hear the loud noises of cars through the phone

“ are you still there? “ Kara asks, looking at her watch and wonders if there’s still any bus around

“ I’m in front of the building, do you want me to teleport you here? “

“ no, I’ll walk. I’ll have Alex send a team to check out my apartment and the area around it to see if it’s safe then after that we can decide to either just stay at the apartment or my apartment “

“ alright, where are you? “

“ I’m in front of Lena’s apartment, send me the address and I’ll meet you there? “ Kara asks and when she hears no response she takes a look at the screen of the phone with a frown on her face, checking if she might have accidentally ended the call.

“ let’s go blondie “ Kara yelps when she hears Mogra’s voice right beside her ear. She turns around and sees a grinning Mogra behind her.

“ scared you didn’t I? “ Mogra says and Kara rolls her eyes

“ yes, yes you did! What are you even doing here? “ Kara asks

“ you’re powerless and basically can die at any moment, I need you alive to capture my mother so I’ll teleport you to the apartment to ensure nothing happens to you “ Kara furrows her eyebrows and smirks

“ well, would you look at that drama queen, you’re worried about me huh? “

“ fuck off, I didn’t want Lilian to kidnap you while you’re vulnerable. Nothing else “ Mogra steps closer to Kara to hug her and teleport like they did in the alley and Kara takes a step back from Mogra

“ no no no it feels horrible nu uh! If you think I’ll willingly go through it again then you’re dead wrong! “ Kara shakes her head and crosses her arms on her chest

“ just a few more times and then you’ll barely feel a thing “ Mogra persuades, taking another step forward with her arms spread wide

“ can we just walk to the apartment? It’s almost eleven, there won’t be a lot of people on the streets plus the weather’s nice “ Kara gives Mogra her puppy dog eyes and jumps in joy when she hears Mogra mutters ‘ fine, what a fucking baby ‘

They both walk side by side with Mogra pointing the direction to their apartment

“ so, how’d the talk go? “ Mogra asks and nuzzles her face into the neck of the hoodie that she’s wearing. She flips the hood so it’s over her head and her hand is inside the kangaroo pocket

“ it was… very emotional, I cried, she cried but it’s good. We’ve cleared the air but it’s still needs work you know? One step at a time. I can’t just forgive her with a snap of the finger and the same goes to her. I’m sure with a healthy communication and time we’ll be fine and better than ever “ Kara says and when she feels the breeze of the wind she slightly shivers, cursing the fact that she wore a thin shirt that does nothing to help her in this cold weather.

“ cold? “ Mogra asks and Kara nods her head with a soft reply of “ a little, yeah “

Mogra moves closer to Kara and intertwines her hand with Kara’s and moves their intertwined hands into the kangaroo pocket of the hoodie she’s wearing. Mogra can feel her face heating up from the bold move and looks straight ahead the road without glancing towards Kara.

Kara moves closer to Mogra and her other hand gripping tightly on Mogra’s forearm to feel a bit warmer. In a hurry to leave the apartment earlier she forgot to wear a jacket, it wouldn’t be an issue normally but she lost her powers so she’s human now and humans feel cold. Kara hears Mogra clearing her throat and smiles, she knows Mogra’s curious about her relationship with Lena. She can sense that Mogra’s been holding back on asking questions about her and Lena, probably curious about her life in this time line.

“ you should’ve worn a jacket, what if you get sick? “

“ I’m just a bit cold, relax Mogra. It’s nothing to worry about “

“ wha- pft! I’m not worried, conceited much? “ Mogra replies trying to deflect the fact that she is indeed, worried about the reporter getting sick.

“ so you don’t care if I get sick? “ Kara tilts her head and Mogra curses Kara in her head for doing that because every time she does that it makes her look like a literal puppy, like what the fuck?

“ … well i- uh- I- I didn’t say _that_ “ Mogra mumbles out, taken aback by Kara’s comment

“ so you care about me then huh? “ Kara nudges Mogra with her shoulder

“ shut up “ Mogra mumbles again with her face facing away from Kara, feeling her face heating up from the teasing.

Kara chuckles and they both walk in silence for a few minutes until Mogra breaks their comfortable silence with a question.

“ so you two are good now? “ Mogra asks

“ I think so yeah “ Mogra glances towards Kara and then leads them to make a right turn

“ so you like her? as in _like her_ like her? “ Kara laughs and Mogra world runs in slow motion as she watches Kara throw her head back and smiles widely while letting out the most beautiful sound she’s come to known ever since meeting the kryptonian.

“ you asked the question like a teenager, and yes I do _like her_ like her “ Mogra bumps her shoulder against Kara’s which leads them both to sway a bit to their left.

“ can’t we have one proper conversation without you being annoying? “ Mogra grunts but the smile on her lips betrays her cold demeanor

“ fine then, ask what you want and I’ll promise to give you a straight answer “ Kara says

“ I doubt it but okay. So, tell me about you “ what Kara expected was more questions about Lena, not about herself.

“ oh? curious about me huh? “ Kara teases and Mogra bumped her shoulder again but with a little more force

“ you promised, dickhead “ Kara laughs at the response

“ about me as in? “

Mogra hums and points to their right and they both make a turn around the corner

“ like… what’s your perfect day like? “

“ hmm… snapper doesn’t yell at me, I hand in an article before leaving work, everyone is safe, I get to stay in sweats and watch movies while I eat on the couch “ Mogra rolls her eyes and smiles, unconsciously her thumb caresses Kara’s hand in the pocket of her hoodie

“ okay, what about your um, p-perfect date? “ Mogra glances towards Kara again, it’s almost stupid how she couldn’t keep her eyes off the blonde whenever she’s near. The reflection of her eyes shows Kara looking straight ahead with her lips pursed.

“ I don’t know, just normal stuff? A place where I can stuff my face with as much food as I want, maybe go for a walk after, or an arcade would be fun! Or maybe dancing! God, it’s been ages since I’ve been on a date “

“ jesus, everything is just about food with you… “

“ what about you? “

“ huh? What about me? “

“ what’s _your_ perfect date like? “

Mogra’s lips twitched as if she seems hesitant to speak but after a few seconds she breaks the silence

“ I’ve ne- I’ve never been on a date before. No one really willingly spends time with me, not that I mind. I mean, I’m used to it you know? that’s how I’ve always been so it’s nothing new “ Mogra says with her poker face but Kara recognizes the sad look on her face, the crease between Kara’s eyebrows shows how absurd it is even without her saying it and Mogra shifts feeling a bit uncomfortable with talking about herself to someone else for a change.

She’s never had someone to talk to before, everyone had always kept their distance. First, it was because she was adopted, then it was because of her brother, then it was because she’s a fucking machine thanks to Lilian, she’s never had the experience of someone truly wanting to know her because they really are interested before.

“ I like spending time with you “ Kara says and Mogra lets out a small chuckle, she swears her almost mechanic heart skipped a few beats as if it was all possible from hearing the blonde say those words.

“ you seriously need to stop saying things like that “

“ why? It’s the truth. If people are too dumb to see your worth then they don’t deserve a minute of your time. You’re an amazing person Mogra, I’m sure you’ll meet someone who will love you the way you truly deserve “ Kara says genuinely and Mogra can feel the swell of affection she feels for the other woman grow in size which is replaced by an intense emotion of guilt and sadness. She sighs, it was foolish of her to keep feeling like this and she knows that but it’s just difficult when she’s experiencing new things when she’s with Kara. It’s as if her body, heart and mind is addicted to the feeling that Kara gives her, probably because it’s the first time someone paid attention to her, treats her with kindness and warmth.

_Pathetic._

“ alright enough sappiness from you, we’re here “ Mogra says and leads them both into the apartment building, as soon they walked in the front door they were greeted by an empty apartment with no furniture, a bed and a decent sized closet.

“ you weren’t kidding when you said small huh? “ Kara asked as she eye balled the apartment.

“ it’s all they have “ Mogra replies

The living room is empty, as well as the kitchen and the bedroom is connected to the living room with no doors in between.

Kara watches as Mogra walks over to the bed and plops herself down with loud sigh

“ I definitely miss my bed back home “ Mogra says and closes her eyes, making herself more comfortable on that bed that no doubt feels as stiff as a board.

Mogra’s mention of her home, made Kara’s stomach twists in tangles. She’s come to enjoy Mogra’s company even though they started off as enemies, the days she has spent with Mogra has allowed her to see the other woman for who she really is and all she sees is a woman who has been hurt way too much and wants no one else to feel what she felt. Underneath all of the coldness and brute force, she’s still a soft fragile woman. Kara knows Mogra truly believes in her actions in her time line. Kara knows her intentions are pure, but with her twisted upbringing thanks to the Luthors she handled it with the wrong approach. Kara couldn’t help but hope that after everything is settled maybe she could have a talk with Mogra and convince her to approach her ambitions the proper way rather than domination.

Kara quietly walks over to the other side of the bed to grab a pillow and lay herself down to the ground to sleep.

It’s not comfortable by any means of course, she had lost her powers and her body aches and sleeping on the floor is never comfortable but there’s no other option. Just as Kara rests her head on the pillow she sees Mogra poking her head from the bed to look at her

“ what are you doing? “ Mogra asks

Kara furrows her eyebrows “ uh… sleep? “

“ on the fucking ground? “ Mogra rolls her eyes and moves so she’s sitting cross legged on the bed

“ just sleep up here, there’s still room. I need you in top condition, not whining every two seconds about your back hurting from sleeping on the floor “ Kara stays still, her hand moves to play with the hem of her shirt.

“ are you sure? “ Kara asks, as good as that sounds she doesn’t want to make Mogra uncomfortable just as she’s slowly opening up herself to Kara.

“ yes you dummy “ and with that Kara pulls herself up and lies down on the bed, letting a groan of relief when her back hits the mattress, even though it’s not as comfortable as her bed it’s still better that the flat cold surface she was on a couple seconds ago.

Mogra honest to god almost chokes on air when she hears Kara’s groan and pulls up her hood to her head, hiding her face. She lies back down and looks at the ceiling to regain her composure, both of them remained quiet as they’re already tired from the day that they have had but Mogra’s mind is still full of thoughts. Her eyes glued to the ceiling as she brains storms what Lilian could have been up to. It makes no sense to her, after all these years she still doesn’t understand how Lilian’s mind work. It’s probably one of the reasons why they never got along, Lex had always been the one who can read Lilian, they both understand each other and their mind works the same way. No wonder he’s her favorite.

Lilian is starting to make her move and she still has no clue as to what Lilian is up to. Mogra sighs and glances towards the figure beside her, hoping they could talk about something to keep her mind away from Lilian but she’s awarded with the blonde, mouth slightly open and sound asleep.

Mogra couldn’t help but smile at the sight, she shifts around so she’s facing towards the blonde with her arms under her head. The apartment is dark but given the didn’t really have the time to put curtains up in there, the moonlight from the window helps her to see the blonde clearly and the sight, dare she say is completely ethereal.

Kara looks as peace, the definition of grace and just completely adorable. Mogra lets her eyes wander to every inch of the sleeping figure. Lately she’s been wondering how her life would have been if things were different for her. Would she have found someone like Kara to love and be loved? Would she be _normal_? Would she know what real love from family is like? Would she have found happiness?

Without her even realizing it her hand reaches out to gently push aside the strand of hair out of her face. Mogra stiffens when Kara shifts around, afraid that her action might have woken up the tired blonde but then chuckles when Kara mumbles something in her sleep. Kara is now facing her and Mogra has a clear view of her face, not just the side profile anymore and it does wonders to her sight and heart.

She’s confused right now, so confused in fact she even considered checking herself into a mental hospital. It’s insane really to think that she’s falling for someone she used to or still hate? She’s not even sure anymore.

Everything is complicated. How could she fall for _her_ out of all the people in the world?

Ever since she came to this time line she’s been doubting her own ways and they’re messing up her mind. In the past she had been enraged at everyone and the thought that the super never saved her hence which is why she ruled with an iron fist. Using her technology to gain control of National City. Her anger towards the world consumed her and she justified her actions, believing if she became the most powerful one there then no one can hurt her again. She had a plan, a real plan that was to set in motion but now? now she’s questioning everything.

Perhaps, once she’s back she could rule the world from a different angle, a much subtler and deemed less evil way. Perhaps, with someone like Kara by her side she could finally change, love and be happy. Perhaps. Perhaps? No. it’s too good to be true.

_You’re pathetic. After everything you’ve done, you dare to hope that someone decent, kind and pure would be by your side?_

Mogra shuts her eyes and clenches her fists until her finger nails digs into the flesh of her palm.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mogra owns my heart.
> 
> fyi do you know if you google " dopey grin " Kara's picture comes up? lol


	15. The first move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! feel free to point out any mistakes, currently everything is a bit messy for me right now so I might miss a few things.
> 
> thank you so much for reading <3

**Chapter 15**

Lena remained seated by the desk of her office, overwhelmed with emotions and new information. Out of all the things she could have thought could happen today, this was not it.

Lena was just sitting in her office nose deep into a report when Alex Danvers walked into her office.

Lena knew when Kara didn’t reply to her texts that something was off but she calmed herself by saying that Kara was busy and when Alex came in, her theory is confirmed. Alex was eerily calm and Lena could sense her vulnerability and anger from where she was sitting. Alex explained everything from A to Z and Lena just sat there listening to everything trying to wrap her head around the situation because it is a lot. Like really really a lot. Like holy shit.

“ Alex… “ Lena walks around her table and sits beside Alex, putting her hand on the older woman’s shoulder.

“ i- I should’ve kept a closer eye on her, Lena. God, what if she’s dead? Lena I can’t i- “ Alex chokes on her words and Lena scooches to her side so she’s closer to Alex.

“ look, we can either sit here and think of all the worst scenario we could think of or we can do something about it. It’s not your fault Alex, you’re an amazing sister and you’ve done your absolute best for as long as you have known Kara to protect her. Things like this are bound to happen okay? you can’t blame yourself. “ Alex nods her head and wipes her tears

“ so when can you come to the DEO? “ Lena stands up and gathers her things “ now “

“ oh… that’s great “ Lena stops her movements and looks at Alex with an unreadable expression

“ i- Kara is my priority. I’d just gotten her back Alex. I’m just- she’s all I have “ Alex’s looks at her boots and lick her dry lips

“ Right. Lena, i- never mind, let’s go “ Alex shakes her head and walks out of the office. Whatever it is Alex is about to say can wait. They need to focus on finding her sister and Mogra.

* * *

Mogra grunts as she tries to move but is unable to, she opens her eyes and looks around.

“ the fuck? “ she mutters out loud, she is now wearing white short sleeved shirt and slacks in an unfamiliar bright room. The last thing she remembered is going to sleep with Kara by her side. Her arms and legs are cuffed to the wall and she’s spread like a fucking starfish. She wiggles a few times thinking this might be a dream, but everything feels too realistic.

_Shit, what about Kara? Is she okay?_

The only person who would kidnap them in their sleep is Lilian and Mogra is sure of it. Out of nowhere the cuffs shocks her and she cries out in pain. Her hair sticks to the side of her face while wheezing loudly trying to breathe through the pain. Her arms and legs are tied up against the walls so tightly that they’re already numb. Her eyes water with tears as she screams loud when she feels a jolt of electricity from the cuffs on her arms and legs again but stronger.

She has no idea how long she’s been here, everywhere she looks it’s just white. There’s nothing there, it’s like being trapped in a box except she’s getting shocked every few minutes through the cuffs holding her.

_where is Kara? What happened to her?_

“ oh come on mother, just show yourself already! Stop being a fucking coward! “ Mogra screams out to the empty room.

“ well, that’s certainly not a way to treat your mother now is it ? “ the wall in front of her changes into a glass of wall with Lilian on the other side of it. She tries to free herself and charge forward but the cuffs are too tight and without any warning she feels pain again and screams out, tears streaming down her face no doubt giving joy to Lilian who is watching her with a smile on her face, but she held her gaze against the other woman standing across from her, trying not to waver or flinch to show that she’s not scared of the other woman when in fact she’s _absolutely terrified_.

“ aw, my poor baby “ Lilian says while she taps something onto the tablet that she’s holding and immediately the glass disappears. Lilian walks until she’s an arm length away from Mogra.

Mogra tenses, she grits her teeth and holds in the whimpers when she feels the jolt on electricity through her cuffs again.

“ how’s your eye mother? Or your leg? “ she says, and then lets out a chuckle when she sees Lilian clenches her jaw. Unlike Lex, she knows exactly how to push Lilian’s buttons. Lilian’s left eye is shut close and her right leg is replaced with a prosthetic leg. Mogra had apparently failed to kill her but she did do a good number of damages to the other woman’s body.

Lilian stands in front of Mogra with a smirk that Mogra just wants to rip away.

“ just when I thought you couldn’t get even more disappointing you team up with a kryptonian? my dear, you’re a disgrace to the Luthor name “ Lilian shakes her head and walks around the room, her eyes looking at Mogra with tease.

Mogra clenches her hands and tries to move while snarling at Lilian. If she could just free her hands then she could teleport out of wherever she is. Teleportation had been a new development so she doubts that Lilian knows about it. If she can visualize a place that she knows the location of, then she can teleport there. The damn cuffs around her hands and legs are just too strong for her and she knows Lilian won’t go easy on her or give even the slightest opening for her to escape.

“ tell me, what is your plan exactly? “

“ I’m going to kill you and this time I’ll make sure to burn your body with my own hands “ Mogra says through her gritted teeth

“ now you’re talking like my daughter, and after that? what you just leave and live your normal life? What are you even thinking? Supergirl Lena, really? There are other people with powers too you know… “ Mogra knows what Lilian is doing, she’s trying to read her, to get her to talk and if she’s not careful then Lilian will win once more.

“ what’d you do to the kryptonian? “ She tries her best to hide her worry, if Lilian even has the slightest idea about her newfound feelings for the other woman, she would use it to her advantage.

“ oh worry not, your new friend is suffering just as much as you are “ Mogra can feel the rage building up inside of her, the thought of the kryptonian being in pain because of the woman in front of her makes her blood boil. She has to act as best as she can to make it seem as if she has no pity towards Kara so her mother won’t get suspicious.

“ I’m not worried and she is not my friend “ Lilian laughs out loud

“ really? Because from what I’ve seen you two seemed… close. Have you forgotten who you are? Or rather _what_ you are? My dear sweet child, you’re much more pathetic that I thought. “

_Shit shit shit_

“ I don’t know what you’re thinking but what I’ve been doing with her, is acting nice so she trusts me. Make no mistake, after I kill you, she’ll be next. How could I ever forget what I am ? the constant pain is a great reminder but ever since I found out you’re still alive it’s just been getting much more less painful, probably the thrill of knowing that I’ll get to feel your bones crushing with my bear fingers again. “

“ is that so? So you’re not attached at all to her? “ Lilian smirks and walks to her left leaning her back to the wall while watching Mogra like a hawk and carefully reading her every word and facial expression.

“ what is this exactly? You captured me just to make sure I’m not attached to a super? And you say I’m the pathetic one “

“ well then I’m sure you’ll enjoy the show “ Lilian says and walks closer to Mogra, she takes a wire out of her pocket and then reaches for Mogra’s chest and opens the box imbedded into Mogra’s chest. Lilian connects the wire to the kryptonite in there and then plugs the other side of the sire into a hole near her foot and proceeds to walk out of the room.

Mogra stands there frozen, memories of her mother experimenting with her and the pain flashes through and she feels chills all over her body.

“ let me show you how to properly use that kryptonite I put in your chest, it’s seems as if you might need a reminder “ Lilian taps a few times on her tablet and places it to the wall near enough to Mogra so that she can see what the screen on it is displaying and walks out of the cell.

“ wha- “ Mogra was about to question what she meant by that when the tablet on her right shows a footage of a room with green lights and she sees Kara, crying in pain.

Kara’s room is the color bright green and Mogra sees Kara down on her knees screaming in pain because of the kryptonite in her chest.

Sweet, sweet Kara on the ground writhing in pain, looking at her face is enough for Mogra to know how much pain she’s feeling.

“ Kara! “ Mogra yells, well aware that Kara couldn’t even hear her.

“ stop it! please! “ Kara yells as her hands goes to her head and pulls her hair, not being able to act and think clearly as she’s in pain. Mogra tries to break the cuffs as hard as she can while her eyes remain locked on Kara.

“ damn it! Kara! “ Mogra looks at the cuffs on her arms and leg to see if there’s any way she could break them off, her mind couldn’t focus with Kara’s screams echoing in her room.

“ fuck! “ Mogra glances at Kara and sees her writhing in pain on the ground with her face pushing into the ground. The veins on her neck is popping out because of all the screaming and Kara’s eyes are closed, her face is beat red and soaked with tears. “ i- it hurts! please! Wh- whoever yo- you are or whate- whatever you want jus- just stop! “ she watches as Kara pleads and cries in pain.

“ it’s going to be okay Kara! Just hold on okay? I promise just hold on! Fuck Lilian it’s enough you’ve made your fucking point! Stop it! “

She looks pleadingly at the wall in front of her, waiting to see if Lilian would step in or turn off the kryptonite in Kara’s room but nothing happens and Kara had exhausted herself by screaming. Her screams start to get quitter but the second and Mogra can see her eyelids getting heavy and she’s having difficulty to breathe.

“ Kara! Fuck! Fuck fuck! “ Mogra wiggles her arms and legs to break free but the cuffs are too tight. She closes her eyes and thinks of other ways to break free

_Come one damn it! you’re a fucking genius think of something!_

Mogra opens her eyes and wiggles her left arm, fuck it. She grits her teeth and pulls as hard as she can, she doesn’t care if her wrist is broken or the pain she’s feeling right now. Her mind is focused on one person and one person only. Kara.

She groans and pulls her hand down as hard as she can and when she succeeds she can feel her fingers shaking and it’s difficult to move her fingers. She pulls her arm up with a groan and uses her lips to push the teleportation button so she’s transported out of the cuffs. She falls to her knees, chest rising up and down, she looks at her wrists

“ definitely broken “ Mogra uses her other hand to disconnect the wire from the kryptonite on her chest and watches Kara’s room turn back to its normal color through the screen. She moves closer to the screen to see if she could locate where Kara’s room is so she could teleport both of them out of there but she’s unfamiliar with the layout and she, herself is not sure where they are. Mogra whips her head when she hears loud yelling outside her cell, no doubt panicking because she’s out of her cuffs.

“ fuck “ she curses out loud, if she stays here there’s no telling what Lilian might do to her. She could just teleport out of here but she’d be leaving Kara and if she leaves Kara then it would be impossible to come back for her because she doesn’t know the exact location of their current whereabouts. Her teleportation only works if she knows the exact location of where she’s heading. Shit.

“ cuff her! “ Mogra hears Lilian’s voice from outside of her cell, she glances to the screen looking at Kara’s unconscious body lying on the ground. She grips the tablet in her hands and shuts her eyes, feeling guilty and frustrated that she can’t escape with the kryptonian.

_I’m sorry Kara. I’ll come back to get you, I promise._

“ don’t let her get away! “ Mogra pushes the button as soon as she sees five men outside of her cell and is immediately teleported to the place she had in mind.

Mogra lands on her back and yells out in pain when she accidently uses her arm with the broken wrist to support herself.

* * *

Lena, Brainy and Alex had brain stormed of everything they could do to track Kara and come up with a few theories as to what might have happened.

“ they both have been gone for almost three days, there’s no trace of them at all. Whoever erased their footage from the cctv definitely knows what they’re doing because even I can’t recover the footage. “ Lena says and massages her head.

“ we don’t know where Kara went after she left your place, the footage from the cctv shows Kara going into my apartment and leaving it but after she walked to the bus stop it seems as if she’s disappeared. “ Lena thinks out loud

“ could ah- the other me have teleported Kara? How does it work exactly? “

“ from what I kno- “ before Alex could explain, an agent burst into the lab looking disheveled and panicked 

“ director! there seems to be a portal opening at the common area “

“ I want every agent available stationed to surround the perimeter, Lena stay in here “ Alex is almost at the door when Lena stops her

“ give me a gun, I can handle myself Alex “

“ Lena, if anything happened to you Kara wou- “

“ I am more than capable of handling myself Alex “ Alex glances downstairs where agents are preparing themselves and hands a gun to Lena

“ stay at the back, it might be Lilian “ they both make their way to the common are and from afar they can see a figure appearing out of nowhere

“ Mogra “ Alex mutters through her gritted teeth.

Alex marches forward with fury in her steps and when Mogra looks up she pulls up her gun and yells “ hands where I can see them! “

“ I - “ before Mogra could even try to explain herself Alex shoots her with her tranquilliser.

“ oh my “ Brainy says as he sees Mogra’s frail unconscious body on the ground.

When Mogra’s body hits the floor and makes no other movement Alex approaches her to make sure she’s unconscious.

“ take her to the new cell “ Alex says to the other two agents near her.

“ agent Danvers, may I suggest a much more gentle approach? She did appear to be unarmed and hurt “ Brainy says and immediately shrinks when Alex walks closer to him with daggers in her eyes.

“ my sister has been missing! they both disappeared for almost three days and I have been worried sick! Kara wouldn’t have gone MIA without telling me brainy so obviously something had happened to her! I told Kara not to trust her! she’s evil brainy and I’ll do whatever it takes to find Kara. That cell you had built will keep her contained and she won’t be able to teleport so as soon as she wakes up I want you to call me because I am going to give her hell “ Alex touches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger

“ agent Danvers, we’re still not sure as to what had happened. Might I suggest that I handle the interrogation seeing as you’re too emotional for this? “ Brainy suggest

“ no, I’m not taking any chances with Kara still missing “ Alex insists and sighs out loud.

“ no, _I’ll handle her_ “ Lena says with finality in her voice, making it clear that it’s not up for discussion.

“ Lena, are you sure? “ Alex asks, over the years she’s come to trust the Luthor when it comes to Kara’s well-being. She might not agree with the way Lena does things but she knows Lena means well when it comes to Kara.

“ _yes_ “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to go down.


	16. Two sides of the same coin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to point out any mistakes that I might have missed!

**Chapter 16**

Kara opens her eyes slowly, the cold air around the room makes her shiver, she blinks a couple times but sees nothing but darkness.

“ what the hell? “ She mutters out loud.

Kara tries to stand but immediately falls back down, feeling weak in her legs. She’s in an unfamiliar cold dark room. She doesn’t know what’s going on, where she is or what is happening.

She can feel the uneasiness building up in her, she takes a deep breath trying not to panic. She doesn’t like this at all, she’s in an unfamiliar small space, alone. She’s scared but not to the point where she can’t function at all. She tries to calm herself down and breathes using a technique for anxiety.

She messages her leg, for some reason it feels wobbly. It doesn’t hurt per se but she can feel her body is weaker than usual. She’s certain that she doesn’t have her powers right now judging on her shaking hands and legs.

“ hello? “ Kara says to the empty room

“ is this a dream? Am I dead? “ Kara uses her arm to push herself up again and this time she can stand properly but still, she feels wobbly in her legs.

“ hello? Anyone here? “ She walks around the room, fumbling around in the dark hoping to find some answers. She uses her hands to feel if there’s anything ahead of her or walls or anything at all that could give her a clue as to where she is but unfortunately, she couldn’t find any doors or locks anywhere.

She pinches herself and hisses out in pain “ so not a dream then huh? “ only then does she realize that she’s dressed in a completely different outfit that she wore to sleep. She’s now in a short-sleeved shirt with a loose slack.

“ Mogra? “ She calls out and again, she’s greeted with nothing but silence.

“ Alex? Lena? Hello?! “ Kara is starting to panic. She doesn’t know what’s happening, she doesn’t have her powers and she’s all alone. She shuts her eyes close and breathes in and out trying not to panic and starts hyperventilating. She’s in an unfamiliar place alone and she needs to focus right now but she’s scared.

She slides down and drag her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly as she breathes heavily, eyes scanning her surroundings hoping that something might make sense. Could it be the black mercy? No, no this is different. But what is it? is she dreaming? Is it just a bad dream?

Kara buries her head down to her knees, tears swelling in her eyes as her mind goes through every possible bad thoughts and scenario. All she can hear is her own sobs in the silence of the dark room.

Out of nowhere she feels excruciating pain all around her body, she opens her eyes and sees the room lit up by green light, definitely kryptonite. Someone must have turned it on, she grits her teeth and groans when the pain is becoming much more intense.

“ wh-what do you w-w-ant? “ Kara tries her best to say but it comes out more as a whisper due to the pain she’s feeling

Her head feels as if someone had put bricks on them, her eyes feels as if someone is poking into them, she feels as if nails are going through her the veins in her body, her legs tenses and she grasps her slacks and whimpers. It’s difficult for her to breath and the pain that she’s feeling now is more intense than she’s ever felt whenever kryptonite is involved. She’s built somewhat of a tolerance for kryptonite having to deal with an alien or villain who uses it to go against her but only with a little amount of kryptonite but right now? It’s too much, either there’s a load of kryptonite around the room or someone has tinkered with it to make it more powerful. She yells out in pain again when the pain increases, she can feel the fabric of her clothes sticking to her skin from all of the sweat.

“ stop it! please! “ Kara lifts her head up to look around the room to see if anyone is there but she sees nothing but green and blurred visions.

“ i- it hurts! please! Wh- whoever yo- you are or whate- whatever you want jus- just stop! “ Kara yells as she her hands goes to her head and pulls her hair, she lies on her back and tries to breathe through the pain, she has to get through this, there’s so much more that she hasn’t done, so much that she hasn’t said to Alex, Eliza, Lena.

What about Mogra? She promised to help Mogra. Mogra needs her to get to Lilian. She needs to be there for Mogra.

And Lena.

Lena, _her_ Lena who she had just made amends with. She can’t die now, she just can’t. She’s only kissed Lena once, haven’t even gone out on a date yet. She’s almost had it, _almost_. She’s so close. She wants to wake up in the mornings and is greeted by Lena’s lazy sleepy smile, face without any make up on, wearing comfortable clothes, roll around in bed and just spend the day in peace with each other to make up for the times they’ve lost.

Just one last time, she wants to hear Lena’s sweet euphonious voice, wants to feel Lena’s skin under her fingertips, wants to run her fingers through Lena’s silky dark hair, look into her deep emerald green eyes that always without fail takes her breath away, to hug her and feel the warmth radiating from Lena’s body and melts in the tightness of her hug, to see her golden smile, her million dollar laugh, her smirk, her raised eyebrow, her snarky comments, her eye rolls, her subtle but yet nervous ticks, to see her blush and _just to be in her presence._

Kara lies on the floor, barely breathing and with every blink it gets difficult for her to stay awake.

What would Lena think? They have been fighting so much these last few months. Kara had planned their date in her mind. She would pick Lena up and would as always be amazed by Lena’s beauty and then hands her plumerias. Then they would go to Lena’s favorite restaurant and have a meal while they talk comfortably. After that they’d stop by Big Belly Burger because Kara would for sure still be hungry and then she’d take Lena to a hill that she often goes to whenever she wants to clear her head. They would sit under the moonlight while Kara stuffs her face and Lena would occasional shakes her head and comment on her bottomless pit of a stomach and they would playfully exchange snarky comments. She’d end the date with escorting Lena to her home and with Lena’s consent she would leave the night with a kiss.

But that dreams seems too good to be true now, she’s lying her wheezing and struggling to even keep her eyes open and possibly going to die without even telling Lena how much she loves her. she can’t even say goodbye to Alex who she’s sure is panicking right now. She can’t even say how grateful she is to Eliza for her care, love and hospitality. She can’t even tell Mogra that she’s an amazing person. She’s tired now, and her eyes are getting heavy. She could sleep and all of her worries would disappear. That’s right. She could just sleep for a moment. _Just for a moment._

* * *

Lena’s Luthor normal day for the past years have been like this, she would wake up to her alarm at an ungodly hour. She would grunt and curse at whatever it is that she could before having her morning coffee and then ready herself for a day in the office. It’s always like she’s on auto pilot. But lately, it’s been different. When she first found out Kara is Supergirl she would wake up and immediately feel rage, confusion, used, and lost.

After their talk on Monday she’d woken up feeling giddy, happy and excited.

And then on Tuesday, she’d sent a text to Kara right after waking up with a warm feeling in her chest which is unusual for her. The text remained unanswered throughout the day.

On Wednesday, she’d waken up with a frown seeing there’s still no reply from the blonde. She’s filled with anxiety and doubt.

On Thursday however, she didn’t need to wake up because she hasn’t slept. During noon Alex told her about Kara missing and her mind immediately goes into overdrive working its way on how to track Kara. And then close to the evening she saw another version of herself appear out of thin air. It was uncanny how identical they look but at the same time there’s still a subtle difference to their appearance. The point is, her mind has been occupied and focused on other things that she’s barely had the time to process Kara’s disappearance and _her emotions_ about it. Throughout the day, all she thought about was how to trace Kara, how to trace her other self, who could have possibly done this, Lilian? Or the other Lilian? Are they working together? Why didn’t her other self not want help from her?

All of the thought that goes like, is Kara okay? what if she’s hurt?, is she still alive?, what is she going through?, has been pushed to the back of her mind until she’s safely in the comfort of her own home. she had just gotten back from the DEO, her other self is estimated to be awake tomorrow and there’s nothing more that she can do so Alex sent her home. Now, her mind is focused on one thing only. Kara. Kara. Kara.

Lena walks shrugs off her coat and walks to the kitchen, she didn’t even bother to grab a glass and grabs a bottle of scotch drinking it straight from the bottle. She drags her heavy feet to the couch and slumps herself down. Her back hunched, shoulders slumped and head down. Her fingers are shaking, her mind is racing and her heart beats faster and aches than it has ever before. Her body is vibrating if fear and she’s never felt fear like this before. Never.

_Kara Kara Kara_

Time passes by and Lena doesn’t know how long she’s sat on the couch thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. All she knows is that the bottle in her hand is empty and light is starting to come in to her penthouse through the window. She grimaces and looks at her watch. 7am.

She drags herself to the kitchen again and gulps down a glass of water and readies herself for the day. She’s already texted Jess that she’ll be late to L-Corp today. She looks at herself in the mirror and takes a deep breath.

It’s happening. She’s going to confront her other self. The woman who had killed Kara in another time line. The woman who had almost killed _her_ Kara and the woman who might know where Kara is.

Is she nervous? No. she’s filled with rage but she reminds herself to keep calm granted that they don’t know the full story yet. When Alex had told her the story she couldn’t wrap her head around it. Never in a million years would she have thought that she’d be cruel enough to kill _Kara_.

‘ Just another Luthor ‘ she thought. Maybe they all had been right about her, and the only difference between her and the other her is that she’d been lucky enough to have the trust and faith of Kara. When everyone looked the other way, Kara stayed firm beside her. When everyone judged her because she’s a Luthor, Kara judged her as _Lena_.

Lena makes her way to the DEO and with the closer she gets the faster her hear beats. She doesn’t know what the other her is like. She could be the same, she could be different. All she knows is that the woman had killed Kara, it matters not to her on which time line it is. Facts are facts.

From what she’s been told by Alex, Kara had no choice in the matter. Team up or others will get killed. Alex had mentioned that Kara trusts the other her, but that remains irrelevant in her book because Kara trusts everyone easily. Not Lena though, she’s been taught to doubt everyone even if they’ve proven themselves loyal.

Lena walks pass the entrance and gives a nod to Alex when she sees her by the hallway

“ morning “ Alex greets her and leads her to the specially built cell they had underground.

“ be careful, she’s… not like you. she’s much more ruthless and smarter “ Alex places her hands on Lena’s shoulder, Lena’s eyebrow shoots up

“ smarter than me? really? “ Alex rolls her eyes and gently punches Lena on the shoulder

“ I don’t know maybe? But… just- if it gets too much just leave okay? I don’t want her getting into your head. “

“ Alex, it’s fine. I promise “

“ i- I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you and Kara were fighting.” Alex says and fidgets with her fingers.

_Ah that’s what’s been bothering her._ Lena thought

“ I won’t make excuses for how I acted and my absence, but just know that I’m sorry. I care about you as much as- well no one could compare to how much I care about Kara but you’re a close second there okay? “ Lena eyes Alex and can really see the other woman is being sincere. She takes a step forward and hugs the agent.

“ I know, I forgive you. “ Lena mutters with an assuring smile and walks into the room. There, she sees a figure lying on the floor inside a clear see through cell.

The room echoes the loud clacking of her heels. The closer she gets to the cell the harder her heart beats. She’s thought of everything she wants to ask and say to the other woman on her way here. She eyes the other figure lying on the ground with her eyes closed and breathing evenly.

“ finally we meet officially “ Lena stops dead in her tracks, not expecting the other woman to suddenly talk to her

“ where is she? “ Lena tries her best to keep her voice steady as she eyes her other self sits up and leans to the wall, sitting cross legged in the ground.

“ you know… I’m glad they sent you in here. It’s been rather infuriating to deal with the others. I’ve been dying to talk to someone whose IQ is as high as mine “ her eyes bores deeply and sharply into Lena’s in a way that makes Lena’s skin crawls “ let me out Lena “

“ what happened? “ Lena ignored the comment and asked Mogra the million dollar question

“ what? Your DEO friends couldn’t figure it out? “

Mogra shakes her head and stands confidently making her way to stand in front of Lena. Both sizing each other up and reading each other’s ticks.

Lena breaks first, clenching her fists so hard she’s sure she can see nail marks if she looks at her palm later. With a stern face she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small box, she pushes the box into the small hole through the barrier and in an instant a small baby truth seeker jumps out latching itself to Mogra’s forearm.

Startled, Mogra jumps and falls back to the ground “ what is this?! “ she uses her other hand with a cast for her wrist to pull the little creature off but fails.

“ it’s a baby truth seeker “ Lena smirks “ you don’t really expect me to come in here and believe every word you say now don’t you? “ Lena shoves both of her hand in her pockets “ I just need to know the truth and this will save us time “

Mogra looks at Lena with daggers and Lena chuckles at the hostility.

The look did nothing to her, but she somewhat understands why others shrinks when she gives them that look. It is deadly intimidating but not to her. No.

“ _what happened?_ “ Lena grits her teeth and takes a step closer until there’s barely any room left between her and the barrier.

“ I don’t know okay? one minute I was asleep and the next I’m strapped to the wall with cuffs that electrocutes me every minute. It was Lilian of course, _my Lilian_ not yours. “

Mogra scoffs and throws her head back as if she was playing a game and the opponent does something predictable and then her facial expression changes to a stern one, her tone vicious and Lena can practically feel the disgust and anger out of the other woman

“ That pathetic excuse of a woman then used kryptonite on Kara and broadcasts it to me, _live_. I heard her screaming, begging, whimpering on the ground loud and clear. “

With every word that comes out of Mogra’s mouth Lena feels as if someone had slashed her heart with a sharp sword. The mere thought of Kara being in that much pain and she wasn’t there to help her. God, Lena didn’t even know Kara was missing until Alex dropped by to tell her.

Lena also noticed the look on Mogra’s face. It’s a look that’s so foreign but familiar to her. It’s a look of care, agony and anger.

_The other her cares for Kara._

“ I broke free, turned the kryptonite off, but I couldn’t locate where she was so I couldn’t escape with her. I had no choice. The tablet that I held onto has answers but knowing my mother? She won’t make it easy. I know a way to track where Kara is. _So, let. Me. out. Lena._ “

“ you care for her “ Lena says not faltering

“ yes “ Mogra grits her teeth and glances down at the foreign object attached to her arm

_Fucking truth seeker_

Hearing the answer from Mogra, Lena shuts her eye for a second longer and shoves all of the motions she’s experiencing in a box, she’ll deal with them later.

“ are you working with either of the Lilian? “ sensing the avoidance of a certain topic between them Mogra lets out a breath of relief. She, herself is not ready to have ‘ the feelings talk ‘ with her other self.

“ Christ, no. Did you listen to a word I said? Did Agent Danvers tell you nothing before coming in here? “

“ I listened and she did, but I had to make sure “

“ a Luthor through and through huh? “

Lena flinches at the comment

Lena can sense the hostility yet politeness coming off from Mogra, which doesn’t surprise her because it’s the same for her. It matters not to her that the woman in front of her is another version of herself because that woman is nothing like her. A short interaction with Mogra has made it clear as day.

Similar? Yes. Identical? _Fuck. No._

Lena doesn’t like the gut wrenching feeling of imagining Mogra so close to Kara. She doesn’t like that at all because she doesn’t trust her. The woman had killed Kara in the other time line and she’d rather die before letting it happen here. There’s something off about Mogra and Lena couldn’t figure out what.

Something about the woman makes her stomach churns and not in a good way. There’s something underneath all that false bravado. If she knows herself then it’s almost certain that the other woman is hiding something. It may not be obvious to others or Kara who can read her like an open book but Lena knows the ticks, the looks, the _guilt_. Whatever it is, it’s something that deeply bothers Mogra and Lena wants to know what. Just, not now but surely later.

“ where is she? “ Lena asks again

“ I don’t know “ Mogra replies with her head down low and lets out a loud sigh

“ wha- “ just when Lena was about to question her again she’s cut of by Mogra’s sharp voice

“ I don’t really like this game. How about you put one of these little rascals on your arm and then we can play 20 questions. Make it a bit fairer? “

“ I don’t owe you answers “

“ neither do I, but right now we both want the same thing which is to find her. So, why don’t you let me out so I could do just that? “

“ I can’t do that, and you said you didn’t know where she is “

“ with a bit of tinkering and investigating I can, I assure you I will not harm anyone. With every second I spend in here, she’s at the mercy of my mother. “ Mogra looks down to her feet and rubs her forehead with the tip of her fingers mumbling “God knows what that devil of a women is doing to her. “

“ tell me how to find her “

“ I won’t know how until I do it myself “

“ tell me how to find her “

“ let me out “

“ if you don’t tell me how to find her then someone else is going to come here and they’re not going to be as gentle as I am right now so better speak up “ Lena says hoping the stubborn woman would give her something or anything really to clue her in on how to find Kara.

“ oh Lena, poor bratty princess Lena. “ Mogra says in a mocking tone “ If you think torturing me is going to make me bow down to the DEO then you’re in for a shock. I’ve been tortured by Lilian, _my Lilian_ of course, my whole life, I can assure you, whatever it is you people have in place for me is child’s play compared to what i’ve been through “

Lena stayed quiet, she had an understanding that Mogra had been through a lot but she doesn’t know the details of it. A wave of sadness and empathy overwhelms her and she takes a step back and sigh loudly. Bringing her fingers to massage her temples while she strides to drag a chair to where she stood.

_Drinking a whole bottle of scotch and not sleeping is not a good idea, Lena_

Mogra eyes Lena’s movements carefully, it’s extremely clear to her what the other woman is feeling. They’re both like an open book with a few ripped pages to each other. They can read each other well but there’s also an undertone of uncertainty and mystery that remains on their masks.

Lena takes a seat on the chair and stares at Mogra, her ever straight shoulder slumps a bit due to exhaustion and the eyebags beneath her eyes screams that she needs at least a good ten-hour sleep. Lena stays silent for a few minutes while openly stares at Mogra.

Mogra couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle at the way Lena is right now, Lena’s face, body posture and demeanor are very similar to how Kara was when they first met and talked in a cell above somewhere at the DEO a few weeks back.

“ look, let’s just cut to the chase yeah? i- I can see that you truly want to help get Kara back, but let’s be frank. I don’t trust you, Alex doesn’t trust you, no one here does. The only person who trusts you is Kara. So, _I’m choosing to trust Kara’s judgment on you_. God knows that woman is too good for the world but… “ Lena sighs again before continuing her sentence “ However, the truth seeker is to be on you at all times until we have her back. I’ll be working alongside you whether you like it or not. Do we have a deal? “

“ fine “ Mogra agrees and if Lena’s taken aback by how easily Mogra agrees she hides it well, they both know they’re playing a game, a game of chess. The end game of the play remains unknown to both of the players but what they do know is if one of them slips up, the game ends immediately and lives are at stake. Whose life? Who knows right?

“ Let’s get to work now shall we? “ Mogra smirks and taps a few times at the barrier, patiently waiting for Lena to let her out of the god forsaken cell.

“ fucking hell “ Lena mutters under her breath, already annoyed at the other woman’s attitude

_What has she gotten herself into?_


	17. Luthor to Luthor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! sorry! I swear I won't leave this pic unfinished it's just that I've been rather busy with college :( 
> 
> I'll update as often as I can but I can confidently say that it won't be long now until the end!

**Chapter 17**

“ I can see the way you look at me “ Mogra says without looking at Lena who has been openly staring and throwing daggers at her. “ your head is full of opinions of me and questions perhaps? “

Lena sighs and averts her gaze to the laptop in front of her, continuing her typing to hack the tablet that Mogra had brought back.

Mogra tinkers with a part of her arm that had been operated on by Lilian years ago. She’d connected her arm to the laptop that Lena had given her so she can code a new algorithm for her to teleport, hoping she can detect her previous location so she can locate Kara.

Seeing as there’s no respond from Lena, Mogra continues to talk.

“ you’ve been nothing but cold towards me, now I’m not one to be smiles and friendly but I expected more from my other self, Lena, really “ Mogra knows why obviously, it’s clear as day there’s a lot bothering the other Luthor.

“ we may be the same person but I’m nothing like you “ Lena replies and Mogra laughs out loud as if Lena had made a joke.

“ oh Lena, there’s a darkness in you, we both know it. You want power. You want acceptance from people. You want to be adored. You want to dominate the world. Rule with your vision and ideology. You want people to respect you. You want them to fear you. but you’re also “ Mogra pushes the laptop to the side and turns her entire body and head so she’s facing the other woman. “ lonely, sad, depressed, unsure and pathetic. Your cold demeanor of this strong stone cold bitch may fool others but not me. Those wants of yours? they’re what I have and what I embrace. I use those parts of me to my advantage but you? you let them weaken you. You see it as losing control, Me? I have complete control “ Mogra rises to her feet and stands behind the now frozen woman.

“ Your mother has been kind enough to not open you with a scalpel, insert a dozen of toxins in your veins to see the effects, insert multiple bags of alien blood to see what it does to the human body, stich you up once she’s done and only to do the procedure over and over again every time she finds a new species of alien or a new idea to enhance the human body. You were never strapped to a bed, with needles poking your every inch of skin. _You’ve never experienced true pain_ “ Mogra breathes out her words directly beside Lena’s ears while both of her hands on the other Luthor’s shoulder.

“ you’re too weak and too much of a coward to be me ,so don’t tell me, princess. There’s no need to make it clear that we’re different. “ Mogra’s grip on Lena’s shoulder tightens and Lena grunts from the pressure “ I’m also aware, Lena. Painfully and jealously aware of the life you have here. You have a life here that I’ve dreamt of, a mother that doesn’t torture you… physically, a world that doesn’t hate you... not as much anyway. The most surprising thing of all? Someone that loves you. You have it, Lena. You have it. So yes, you’re nothing like me. “

Lena closes her eyes when Mogra’s hands goes to her neck, adding just enough pressure on Lena’s throat.

“ so, stop fucking looking at me like you know me “ Mogra releases her grip on Lena’s throat and moves back to her seat “ I’ve been behaving from the moment I’ve got here for Kara, I want the same thing you do. To save her, so stop treating me like I’m the enemy because right now? I’m your best shot “

Lena glances towards the truth seeker on Mogra’s arm as she clears her throat

“ how can I not treat you like the enemy when you’ve killed her once? I’m not as trusting as Kara is. I trust Kara but I certainly don’t trust you, so excuse me if we’re not braiding each other’s hair right now “ Lena replies with venom in her voice “ with that being said, it is also very clear that you care for her “ Lena states boldly

“ yes, I never knew Supergirl in my timeline Lena. She’s never once saved me and I was pissed about that because if she’s saved me even once, I wouldn’t be th- this fucking machine that I am! “ Mogra holds her gaze against Lena. There’s a part of her that is desperate for Lena to understand her but there’s also a part of her that wants her other self to know nothing about her life.

With her emotions running high and the push of the truth seeker, Mogra speaks her mind. 

“ I came here for one purpose only and that is to kill my mother for good, but the past few weeks that I’ve spent with her has made me see the kind of person that Kara is. “ Mogra grips the pen in her hold as she glances towards Lena “ i- I’ve never had a friend before, I’ve never had someone to love or someone who loves me. So, imagine my surprise when I find myself feeling all these new emotions towards someone I’ve been hating. “ Mogra chuckles bitterly and walks over to Lena so they are standing face to face. “ I’ve been wondering if the Kara I know here is the same Kara I never knew in my time line and I’ve just been so fucking confused. You don’t think it’s confusing for me? to watch my other self being loved by her? you don’t think it makes my skin crawl knowing what I’ve done to her in my time line when I start having these… newfound feelings towards her? “ Lena seems taken aback by the tears brimming in Mogra’s eyes

“ you- do you love her? “ Lena asks, her voice shaky and heart pounding loud and fast as she waits for Mogra’s reply.

“ yes “ Mogra blurts our and shuts her eyes, cursing the truth seeker once more for making her admit her feelings out loud.

Mogra can feel Lena’s gaze on her “ the real question is, do _you_ love her? “

Lena gulps nervously at the question, does she have really strong feelings towards Kara? Yes. Does she love her? absolutely, but she’s… she’s not ready to say it out loud yet because if she does, it becomes real and the possibility of losing Kara is there. The fear that once she gives all of her to her, Kara has the power to destroy her completely. The fear that one day Kara will realize that Lena is not worth her time and will leave her. The fear of letting herself be loved.

She trusts Kara with everything she has but the fear within makes it hard for her, but she’s trying. She really is. She’s admitted her feelings for Kara and with time she has opened up more of herself. With time.

The silence is enough to answer for her and Mogra looks at Lena with a look of understanding.

“ I don’t know a lot about you two. but what I do know? Is that you’ve caused her a great amount of pain too.

So why have you been so stubborn and stupid to hurt and push away someone that loves you that much? “

“ _I know_ “ Lena replies with her head low and tears rolling down her cheeks

“ I can never have her, Lena. She doesn’t want me, not like I want her, not here not in my time line and not ever. I may never understand why, but even after everything; her heart still belongs to you. So, open your eyes and see that she chose you. I may be more damaged than you are but I can say with full confidence that I can love her, treat her, and care for her better than anyone will. If she as much as gives me a chance I’ll make sure she’s loved in a way she’s never been before because I understand her pain like she understands mine. You’re too wrapped up in your own world that you’re blinded by everything else whereas I’m blinded by her “ Lena is stunned by Mogra’s words and feels her chest tightens as the words Mogra’s said sink deep in her mind

“ choose her because she chose you, love her because she loves you and cherish her because she cherishes you. Don’t let her go because you’ve been accustomed to loneliness for so long that you think it’s what you deserve for what your family has done. You are your own person, Lena. Take a chance at happiness because you have it within you grasp. Do it for yourself… do it for me… do it for us “

Lena sat there silently, it was as if someone had cleared a fog inside her head. Mogra had pointed out all the right things for her and she hates her for it, but she’s also right.

Lena has to woman up and fight like Kara had fought for her. No more holding back, Lena thinks. She’s in. Whatever she and Kara has? She’s in it for the long haul.

“ yo- “ before Lena could finish her sentence, they’re disrupted by Alex’s entrance to the lab

“ is everything alright? “ Alex asks, sensing the tension and the two woman’s position

“ fine “ they both answered and quietly went back to their seats, making no further eye contact or even acknowledging each other’s existence

“ any progress? “

Mogra clears her throat and nods her head “ I can’t be sure but the only way to find out is to go there… “

“ alright then, we’ll move out in ten minutes “ Alex glances towards Lena and says “ when you’re ready a DEO agent will escort you back home “

“ what? no, I’m going too “ Lena protests

Alec sighs and rubs her temple “ Lena… please I know y- “

“ I’m not a fucking child Alex. Kara is out there and I can help so please just let me “ Lena holds her gaze against the older agent

Alex groans “ fine! “ the older Danvers gives in, having no energy to fight the stubborn Luthor “ I swear keeping you out of trouble is like keeping Kara from pot stickers “ Alex mumbles and yells as she leaves the room “ we leave in five minutes! “

“ well, let’s get our girl back then shall we? “ Mogra says as she rises to her feet and chuckles when Lena scowls at her

“ _fuck off, she’s mine_ “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also during the time where I had write's block for this fic, I wrote something else so if you're interested go check it out! 
> 
> college is keeping me busy but I promise I'll update as soon as possible! 
> 
> stay safe, happy, healthy and educated!
> 
> love you all xoxo


	18. Found you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi and sorry !!
> 
> I've been MIA I know 
> 
> this semester is going to end soon and then I'll post like before but right now I'll try my best! I promise!
> 
> feel free to point out any mistakes
> 
> comments are always appreciated!

Chapter 18

“ uh… are you sure this is the right place? “ Alex asks as soon as they arrived at an open field in the middle of nowhere

Mogra glares at the agent and steps forward, holding the tablet to her chest

“ I don’t appreciate you questioning my intelligence, Agent Danvers “

“ could they have left? “ ignoring the snappy comment Alex questions again, kicking a small rock away with her foot

“ Luthors have always been one for the dramatics Alex… “ Lena says as she kneels down and begins crawling forward, her hands move in search for something with Mogra following behind her. Both have the same look of determination and seriousness.

Still not understanding what the two is doing, Alex sighs and rubs her temple

“ what is going on? Like I get that you’re the same person but none of us can read minds so we won’t understand unless you explain to us what the actual fuck you guys are doing “

The tablet on Mogra’s hand suddenly beeps and both her and Lena stopped moving, looking at each other with a smirk

“ Lilian… unlike Lex, prefers to do things quietly until she’s ready to carry out the game plan. Lex is smart but he’s always been one to do things in the open “ Lena pushes her palm down the ground and a part of the ground sinks in, revealing a pathway to an underground tunnel.

“ jesus “ Alex gasps “ this is so creepy “ Alex mumbles to herself as she gives a signal to a team of agents to go into the tunnel first

“ that’s Lilian for you “ Lena says and jumps in after hearing the ‘ clear ‘ from the agents underground

As soon as she’s inside, she’s greeted by darkness and hard surface as if someone had redecorated the underground into a basement

“ where do we go from here? “ Alex asks as she turns her head towards the path on her left and right

“ I’m not quite sure “ Mogra squints her eyes trying to see something in the darkness “ I only found the location, not the layout.. we’ll have to figure it out on our own “

“ okay so we split up then, Lena you’re with me and Arnold to the left. Mogra you’re with Jason and Christina to the right “

Alex said and carefully moved forward in the dark as the rest of her team follows closely behind her and Mogra and her team moves towards the opposite direction.

“ we should have brought a torch light or something, I can’t see shit “ Lena grumbles and continues to find her way in the dark

“ auch! “ Alex hissed as she bumped into a hard surface, she uses her hands to feel around “ seems like a door, I can feel a handle, stay behind! we don’t know what’s beyond this door okay? “

“ okay, careful “ Lena says and move a few steps back with Arnold in front of her

Alex slowly turn the handle around and flinches when the handle creaks. She peeks through the small opening and sees a hallway lit up with lights into another room.

“ clear “ She gives the signal and move forward with her gun gripped tightly in her hand “ I have to say Lena, I’ve been on a lot of mission and seen a lot of weird shit but this? This is creepy on a whole another level “

Lena chuckles at the comment “ I know “

Alex reaches for the handle of the second door and peeks in through the small opening

“ …what the fuck? “ Alex says as she opens the door wider and steps into what seems to be an open area

The area seemed to be in a messy state as if a fight had accrued. The tables are in pieces, there’s a hole in the wall which leads into another room, a few lights had been busted.

“ what in the world happened? “ Arnold questions as he looks around “ there’s no one here “ he yells after a thorough look around

“ seems to be a medical room? “ Lena wonders out loud, seeing all the medical equipment scattered on the floor

Alex walks over into the other room and picks up a shattered Kryptonite “ medical or torture? “ she questions as she shows Arnold and Lena the pieces of kryptonite

“ Christ, mother “ Lena breathes out and a look of concern can clearly be seen on her face “ Alex… “

Alex nods her head in understanding “I know, let’s just get to the others as fast as we can and see if they found anything. Kara’s strong Lena, she’ll be okay “

Alex reassures Lena but a frown remains on her face. Thoughts on what her sister’s safety clouds her mind but nevertheless she needs to be level headed while on mission. Lena nods and cast a last glance towards the mess on the floor and follow closely behind Alex and Arnold.

The closer they get to the other side to where Mogra is the faster Lena’s heart beats. She couldn’t help but feel concerned and uneasy with everything that’s going on.

So much has changed in the past few days. Kara and her finally talked. She found out there’s another version of herself as well as her mother somewhere out there plotting something. She had a rather confusing yet emotional talk with her other self. Everything is just so chaotic that she couldn’t properly wrap her head around the reality. It’s as if it’s a movie and she’s watching through the shell of her body and she moves on auto pilot. She has no clue what’s going on or what she’s doing.

Her steps come to a halt when her body collided with Alex’s who suddenly stopped rather abruptly in front of her.

“ wha- “ just as she was about to question her, her line of vision captures a certain blonde unconscious on the floor in the arms of Mogra.

Watching Kara’s limp body being cradled by Mogra makes her stomach churn. It doesn’t help that she recognizes the look on Mogra’s face. It’s a look of care and fondness. The way Mogra’s arms are wrapped around Kara’s torso and her lips are by Kara’s forehead makes her freeze on the spot. It looks intimate, she feels as if she’s intruding the moment and she feels uncomfortable twists in her stomach.

Lena clenches her jaw as she slowly walks towards the pair. Her eyes scan every part of Kara’s body and analyzing every inch. With every scratch she feels her blood boiling, with every drop of blood she feels her anger rise, with every heavy breathing from Kara, her hatred towards her mother doubles. Her vision blurs with unshed tear, her lips trembled seeing Kara in such a state. Her mind only focuses on Kara, in that moment she blocks out everything and everyone else. Just Kara. Her Kara lying there with bruises, cuts and possibly broken bones. Her Kara so badly hurt she’s not even conscious.

Back then whenever she saw supergirl getting hurt she would flinch and worry for the safety of the hero, but now? knowing who the girl really is and seeing it with her own eyes.. Kara broken and covered in blood?

She couldn’t even express it in words. God, Lena thinks she would have truly lost it if she realized who Supergirl really was from the very beginning.

Lena’s trembling hands slowly and gently caresses Kara’s hair, as if understanding what Lena needs, Mogra helps to lay Kara’s head that was on her lap to Lena’s and moves back to give them space.

“ kara.. “ Lena sobs out, her left hand barely touching Kara’s cheeks, every inch of her body trembling that Kara might die. She’d been stupid, Lena thinks. She was an idiot for getting mad at Kara and holding a grudge for so long. God, Kara could have died any moment and she was throwing a tantrum for a lie that wasn’t intentionally meant to hurt her.

Mogra stayed silent as she watches her other self holds Kara’s unresponsive body close. She looks down to her hand, red with the kryptonians blood. Isn’t that what she wanted? To kill every version of the blonde hero? So why? why? Why isn’t there a bone in her body wanting to finish the job her mother had started? Why is she filled with anger because the kryptonian had gotten hurt? The old her would have immediately grabbed the chance to kill the defeated hero.

So, it’s real. So, it’s true. It’s not just a feeling or some sort of confusion. Mogra gulps as she tightly grips the hem of her shirt. It’s real.

She’s attached to the kryptonian now. She’s truly in love with her. Mogra is undeniably in love with someone she had sworn to hate and kill. What’s the issue here? She’s realized this for a while now but seeing the blonde in such a state had made the reality of the situation hit her exceptionally hard now.

“ I’m going to fucking kill Lilian for hurting you “ Lena’s voice echoes throughout the dead silent room. The venom in her voice makes Alex feels goose bumps but she whole heartedly seconds Lena’s statement. A movement from the corner catches Alex’s attention.

“ freeze! “ Alex yells towards the approaching figure “ show yourself with your hands up in the air! “

The figure slowly approaches them and as the light shines on the figures face, everyone tensed and is immediately on defense mode.

Mogra moves so Lena and Kara are behind her, so did Alex and the agents, forming a defensive wall between Lilian and the two women behind them. with full of disgust and hatred Alex spat out the name of the figure.

“ Lilian “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ?? right???


	19. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ALIVE AND BACK
> 
> so sorry for being MIA for so long.  
> I'll try to update regularly.. maybe once a week ? let's see how that goes first but I'll definitely be updating soon!
> 
> stay safe guys!
> 
> also, I suck at action scenes so sorry if this chapter is confusing .
> 
> feel free to ask, comment and point out any mistakes here!

**Chapter 19**

Lilian appeared with her clothes ripped and covered in blood.

“ we need to get out of here “ Lilian says as she approaches them

“ Freeze! I swear to god if you take one more step I won’t hesitate to blow your head off “ Alex pulls out her gun and aims it towards the limping old woman

“ please, now is not the time! “ Lilian begs with both her arms up in the air. “ I understand how this looks but please, it’s not what it looks like. We need to get out of here now! I didn’t hurt her and I mean no one harm “

“ and why the fuck should we trust you? “ Mogra practically snarls at her

“ because your mother is going to wake up any minute now and she’s going to be in a really bad mood “ with the mention of the other Lilian, Mogra freezes. “ Lena please “ Lilian looks towards her daughter who had stayed silent and only looked at Kara’s limp body.

“ I… “ Lena hesitates to form a response, her vision never strays the limp blonde in her arms.

“ no “ Mogra growls and in an instant she had Lilian against the wall and her fingers tightly against the older woman’s neck “ I don’t care what you have to say “ Lilian lets out a chocked cry at the pressure at her throat “ you’re both going to die by my hands here and today in one way or another “ Mogra was seething with anger, her emotions for once was clear as day to everyone. Mogra is vibrating with aggravation all of that is just waiting to be unleashed.

“ Mogra no! get away from Lilian now! “ Alex shouts as she moves forward but not too close to Mogra and Lilian

“ just kill her and be done with it, she’s hurt enough people. There’s no point, she’s never going to change “ Lena mumbles, her voice empty and broken as she looks up at the red and struggling to breathe face of the woman who had caused her so much pain in life.

“ l-le-na plea- “ Lilian wheezes, her eyes now red and knees weak.

Mogra smirks “ oh this is going to be fun “

“ no don’t do it! Mogra, Kara wouldn’t want that! “ Alex tries to coax her “ we need to know what happened, killing her won’t change anything okay? just take a step back and I promise we’ll get her in a cell “

“ Agent Danvers, you’re as dumb as ever aren’t you? “ Mogra chuckles and loosens her grip from Lilian’s neck.

Lilian falls down to her knees and gasps for air, both of her hands clawing at her neck where a visible mark of Mogra’s grip can be seen.

“ when will you people learn? “ with a swift move, Mogra kicks Lilian’s torso which sent her flying across the room “ that I am not ‘your Lena’ who is weak to do what needs to be done? “ Alex aims the gun towards Mogra “ I was made to kill “ Mogra says and suddenly the gun was slapped away from her arm and Alex couldn’t move.

“ Mogra do not do this! “ Alex says through her gritted teeth

“ oh I do… I so badly want to do this “ with a snap of a finger every agent in the room that was charging towards Mogra was frozen except Lena and Kara.

“ I come here with a goal, you know? “ Mogra says towards Lilian’s unresponsive body “ to kill Lilian Luthor for once and for all “ bending down she grips the older woman’s hair and pulls her head up “ oh my, how the mighty have fallen huh mother? “

“ n-not m-e, sh-e’ll wak-e up s-oom a-and we’ll all be d-ead “ Lilian mumbles

“ hah! You know, I’ve always wondered if I should be insulted that you think I’m dumb or.. happy that you’re too stupid to realize how intelligent I am “

In a blink of an eye there was no more a broken and bloody Lilian on the ground, suddenly she transformed into Lilian in a Lexo suit hovering on air at a safe distance

“ I have to say, I am impressed “ Lilian

“ are you? really? “ Mogra replies

“ how’d you know? “

“ as much as you love that Lex was a genius, my IQ is higher than his, not that you’d acknowledge that anyways “

“ well, why don’t you come closer so mommy can pat your head and give you compliments hm? “ Lilian says in the sweetest voice she could do and Mogra had to fight the urge to literally vomit

“ why don’t we take this somewhere with a bit more space huh? “ Mogra jumps through the ceiling towards the sky as Lilian follows her. “ what happened to the other Lilian mother? “

“ I am Lilian “

Mogra laughs hard and clutched her stomach “ oh my god, you actually merged with her? just when I thought you couldn’t get even more pathetic “

“ unlike you my dear, I strive towards my goal no matter who stands in my way “

“ yeah apparently merging with your other self from another dimension isn’t unethical in your books either “ Mogra mocked and charged forward at full speed towards Lilian

Not expecting a sudden attack, Lilian’s eyes went wide but managed to dodge Mogra by a split of a second

“ why mother, you seemed taken aback by something “

Lilian growls and shoots of lasers from the palm of her hand

“ you ungrateful insolent child! “ blast after blast she fired without any hesitation towards the younger woman. Their surroundings were surrounded by smokes from the blasts that she couldn’t even see anything but that didn’t stop her from firing off. She wanted Mogra dead and she wanted it bad.

“ bad aim mother, perhaps I overestimated you “ a whisper from behind Lilian makes her skin crawls and chills run down her spine.

“ how di- “ without wasting any seconds Mogra plunged a purple small but yet long knife through Lilian’s Lexo suit, a clean stab through the older woman’s beating heart.

Lilian coughs out blood as Mogra hugged her from behind to keep the older woman from giving in to gravity and plunge down to the ground.

“ i- “

“ no no shhh.. you’ve said enough “ Mogra whispers “ you know.. I’m actually sad that it’s come to this. Don’t get me wrong I hate you with every fiber of my being but that didn’t change the fact that you took me in when you could have left me homeless. Granted you experimented, tortured, abused and almost killed me once or twice, sadly you were the only mother figure I’ve even known. I take great pleasure in killing you Lilian, I’ll definitely notice your absence once you’re gone but you will not be missed at all “

Mogra slowly descends to the ground as the woman who she had once briefly admired wheezes out her last breath. Mogra’s hold on her tightens as she feels the tense body slowly turn limp.

Even after her feet touches the ground, she held close Lilian’s body. She closes her eyes and dropped her head on the older woman’s shoulder. Taking in a deep breath, her hold gets even tighter. A tear slides down her cheeks and a broken laugh escape her lips. Why on earth is she crying when this horrible woman is finally out of her life? Why is she sad? Why is she feeling this dread of emotions surging through her body and her mind is in a haywire? Why? Why? Why? Where is the feeling of relief? Where is the satisfaction? Where is the happiness?

This was the woman she had tried so hard to impress, she had once would move heaven and earth to get a small smile from this woman. She would study up all night to ace her tests, desperate to be seen and acknowledged by the woman she calls ‘mother’. She would cling to anything that wasn’t an insult directed towards her as compliments to make her feel a little loved. She remembered a small nod Lilian gave to her when she bested Lex at a chess game during a lazy Sunday morning and how that made her feel as if she was on cloud nine.

She could still vividly remember how Lilian had smiled when Lex made a joke and their eyes meet, it was brief but she had imagined a billion times that the smiled was directed at her in different circumstances. When she won the chess championship she imagined that smile, when she got a perfect score she imagined that smile, when she succeeded an experiment she imagined that smile, when she closed a huge deal she imagined that smile, when she drank alone in her office after a good day at work she imagined that smile. Why not her? why?

Everyone else had someone and she had no one. All her life she was alone and in constant anguish.

A life fitting for a monster perhaps?

A horrible life for a horrible person, is that why?

A mother’s smile, a mother’s affection and a mother’s love.

That was all she wanted.

Was she asking for too much?

Perhaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to clarify, Lilian = Mogra's mother and Lilian2 = Lena's mother
> 
> so Lilian merged with Lilian2 because initially Lilian had a plan to enhanced herself, to become a meta human of some sort but she wan't strong enough so that's why she merged herself with Lilian2.
> 
> I don't think I'll be explaining in detail but that's the idea or background of it.
> 
> but if it's still confusing maybe I'll add the explanation in the next chapter.
> 
> also I may or may not have finished a few chapters already hehe...


	20. I surrender to you

**Chapter 20**

Kara lets out a long sigh, a number of emotions at once and a thousand thoughts clouds her mind as she watches Mogra walks into the almost completely dark training room.

That’s where Kara had been for the past hour or two. She had been awake for a while and felt restless even though everything seems to be back to normal which is why she is punching her feelings, kicking her confusion and breaking DEO property as if it were her problems. But to no avail, all she felt was a hint of relief, just a tiny hint of relief but the burden, overwhelmed of emotions and confusion remains deep in her soul and mind. She had barely any time alone with Lena or anyone really. She woke up alone with a note from Lena saying she had something to handle at L-Corp and Alex and Brainy had been busy preparing for Mogra’s departure all morning along with the other agents at the DEO and that made Kara uncomfortable and unsettled for some weird reason.

What is she confused about? Why is she so perplexed when all troubles have been solved? There’s still something making her uneasy and she doesn’t know what.

“ _kryptonian_ “ the greeting that usually annoyed her made her gut wrenched and heart beat a bit faster than usual.

_Could it be? Is it all because of her?_

“ stay “ Kara blurts out and Mogra’s eyebrows rise up in shock

“ do I get a treat if I’m good? “ Mogra replies with a small teasing smile

“ huh? “

“ do I look like a dog to you? “

“ wha- no! I meant here, on this earth. I mean we’re friends now, aren’t we? The DEO can help arrang- “

“ _friends?_ No. “ a cold sharp reply comes from Mogra and Kara stiffens

“ but I thought- “

“ well you though wrong “ Kara’s sure they had a connection. Something is there between them. So why is Mogra saying they’re not friends?

“ I don’t believe you “ Mogra seems to ponder something for a bit before taking glancing back to the door and closing and locking it. “ uh why’d yo- “ Kara stopped talking when Mogra opened her mouth to speak, the woman’s facial expression screams _vulnerability_ in a way that Kara felt guilty for even witnessing it and Kara had never seen that before.

“ I was born near midnight on October 24th. I like plain vanilla ice-cream and I always say I hate strawberry ice cream but I secretly love them “ Mogra’s slim fingers rise to unbutton her shirt from the top “ I like the color dark matte green. “ the second and third button opened and Kara’s stood there frozen watching Mogra’s smooth motion without any thoughts “ My pet peeve is incompetence. I don’t have the patience for anything. I’m a blood sucking monster who feed from people’s fear in the boardroom. I can’t stand it when people look at me with pity “ a small thump echoes the silent training room as the shirt drops to the floor. Mogra stood there in her black undershirt “ I wear at least three layers of clothing because I’m afraid that someone might see what’s underneath “

She pulls over the undershirt above her head “ I despised you, I hated you, I wanted you dead because you were never there “ Mogra unclasped her bra and let the strips fall of her milky white shoulder “ I wondered at night, was I that unworthy of saving? You saved so many people, but I was never one of them “

Mogra unbuttoned her dark blue slacks “ I threw all of my anger at you because I needed someone else to be responsible for my misery other than my pathetic excuse of a family “ She shimmied it down the stepped out of it “ but coming here and meeting you, knowing you, spending time with you… things have become blurry for me “ She stripped bare of her last piece of clothing and held her gaze against the gaping kryptonian.

“ I start to feel things I never had before, I feel _stupid_ feelings. Ones that made me want be _stupidly_ near you at all times and hold you close. _Stupid_ feelings that makes me feel warmth that I have longed for all my life. “

There Mogra stood, naked as the day she was born and Kara couldn’t breathe for a moment. There were scars all over her body, there was a long line at the center of her body and a glowing circle near her heart. Kara couldn’t even begin to think or describe how the other woman’s body is covered with surgical scars and mechanics imbedded into her.

“ I was born as a testing subject for the Luthors. I never had much choice, never had much anything really except for wealth and emotional trauma and that… I have a lot of those.” Mogra chuckles and if Kara wasn’t completely frozen she would have winched at the dark humor “ I was numb for as long as I’ve lived, yearning for something. “ Mogra takes a deep breath in and stood her ground

“ You. I don’t know if things went differently then maybe the Kara in my world and I could have worked pass our issues and maybe have the same connection I feel towards you but I do know… that what I feel is real and it’s for you. Here I stand, hiding nothing from you. Gaze upon me kryptonian, _look closely and drink up every detail_. Every scar, every imperfection, every line, every mechanical device planted in me. Look at this monster that has fallen _stupidly_ and incredibly in love with you. “

Kara stayed silent and watched Mogra walked across the room to her, she eyes the other woman from her head to her toe.

Lena. but not Lena. but is Lena. just not _her_ Lena.

Kara wonders when she began seeing Mogra for who she truly is than rather just another Lena.

“ what? are you mute now? “ Mogra asks as she leans her back towards the nearest wall. They’re a few steps away from each other and Kara could feel chills down her spine, just like the first time they met. And every time after then when it’s just them alone. Tsk. Kara had denied the chemistry and attraction by convincing herself that it was because Mogra is another version of Lena, which is why she feels when they are together. But no. After everything had happened, it’s quite clear that she sees the real, true, raw Mogra as herself not as another version of Lena. Because Lena is different. So _so_ different.

So lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize Mogra had taken a few steps forwards and is now directly in front of her.

“ is there something troubling you, kryptonian? “ Mogra asks innocently, but the small smirk made it obvious to Kara at least, that Mogra knew exactly what is going on inside Kara’s mind.

“ i- “ Kara tried to speak, but what would she say? She, herself is confused about everything right now. what? what is this? Why is it making her go insane?

“ it’s okay, Kara “ Mogra whispers, her voice as soft, deep and calm as snow melting on a warm morning. “ try not to overthink everything now, shall we? “ Mogra takes another step forward and her right hand slowly slides to Kara’s hips.

_Rao almighty._

Mogra’s cold hands feels the warmth of Kara’s flesh as she slowly rubs her thumb in up and down.

A prefect balance.

Mogra closes her eyes and leans forward, resting her forehead onto Kara’s. She couldn’t help but let a genuine smile out. They _could_ have been perfect for each other. They _would_ have been perfect for each other. They _are_ perfect for each other.

Mogra’s cold hands turns warm from the contact of Kara’s skin.

“ what are you doing? “ Kara asks gently, Mogra doesn’t need to open her eyes to know that Kara has her eyes closed too.

Because she already knows Kara. Probably knows and understands the Kryptonian too deeply that she would have liked but she’s not complaining. An understanding of another person on this level is rare for Mogra. A one in a lifetime thing. A part of her hates that Kara is that person for her, another part of her feels such sorrow of their inevitable fate of not being able to be together, while a part of her is grateful to no end that she, a monster, has the privilege of knowing, understanding and witnessed the woman in front of her in her glory and fall, in her beauty and in her downfall. But one fact still remains true.

The universe has allowed her to feel such intense love towards someone for the very first time despite all of her sins.

“ Mogra.. “ Kara whispers, hesitance clear in her voice.

Mogra shakes her head “ _say my name_ “

“ I just did “ Kara replies, her trembled voice almost made Mogra feel sorry for putting Kara in this position. _Almost_.

“ _say my name Kara._ “ Mogra pleads desperately

“ or am I undeserving of such a name? am I too much of a monster to have the same name and face as your lover? “ Mogra flinched when the pain on her chest intensifies.

“ don’t you ever say that, you’re no monster. You never have been “ with a stern intonation but yet so much gentleness in her voice Kara replies

“ _then say it_ “ Mogra’s lips brushed against Kara’s outer ear and it sent chills down Kara’s spine.

“ _Lena_ “ finally. Finally it was as if someone had shine a light onto Mogra, she felt seen. She felt cared. She felt… loved.

With a sneer Mogra shakes her head and once again rests her forehead against Kara who didn’t dare move an inch.

“ this is a first, you know… “ Mogra says

It was as if the world stopped spinning and went silent. All there is and exists was just them. She sees darkness, with her eyes closed but her she feels so warm and at ease. So calm and secure for the first time in ages. Safe.

Kara couldn’t help but sigh and drop her head to Mogra’s shoulder. “ what? “

Mogra shivers as Kara’s lips and warm breath brushed against her bare neck.

“ feeling for someone as strongly as this “ Mogra replies

“ and what exactly do you feel Lena? “ Mogra almost went weak at the mention of her real name. Not ‘ Mogra ‘ not the ‘ other Lena’ but Lena Luthor. Lena. Her name, her birth name rolled perfectly clear and beautifully from the lips of someone she cared deeply for.

Greeted by the silence, Kara speaks again, this time she slowly drags her head up lazily, her skin never apart from Mogra’s skin.

“ hatred? “ Kara questions and a small laugh escaped Mogra’s lips

“ no “

“ then what? “ Kara questions again

“ I don’t know “ Mogra replies, her heart beats faster as she can feel Kara’s breath on her face.

“ lost? “

“ right in this moment? Far from it “

“ terrified? “

Mogra clenches her jaw, god, the way this woman is unaware of the power she holds, one word from her and Mogra would give her the world

Kara ponders for a moment before speaking again in a gentle whisper “ love? “ Kara questions again and Mogra almost cried right then and there.

Mogra opens her eyes and the sight before her, good god, what a lovely creature. So soft, beautiful and real.

A goddess with the heart of gold, someone who had been through so much, carries the weight of the world on her shoulder but yet is so bright.

Her lips trembled the moment her green eyes meet the haunting deep waves of blue eyes.

Fuck it.

Mogra surges forward and a tear dropped as she tastes the forbidden. So soft and gentle. Mogra thought. She kissed Kara with everything that she has with the hopes that answers to all of Kara’s questions.

She’s never been good with words, so actions are what she’ll go for. Kara will understand.

She poured everything that she had. Mogra doesn’t do love. Never had it. Never experienced it. But now? now she’s giving it to _her_. Kara Zor-El. A kryptonian who wears her heart on her sleeves and would and could never turn a blind eye towards injustice.

Mogra hoped that with this one dangerous act, Kara would understand. No, she’s sure Kara would understand. So sure of it.

All the times she had wanted to take the kryptonian into her arms and whisper sweet nothings, no make Kara feel loved, cared and satisfied. To ensure the woman knows how beautiful and perfect she is. To make her understand that in all of her life, there had never been on to peel away her mask so effortlessly, and as gently as Kara had with her.

Kara had done the impossible. The unthinkable.

With her eyes closed Mogra imbedded every little detail she could remember of this moment deep in her brain, heart and soul.

The little gasp Kara made right before Mogra kissed her, the sound she made oh so pleasing, it nearly drove her wild.

But that’s all there is to it. A short dangerous kiss that meant the world to Mogra.

As they pull apart, a sob leaves the kryptonians lips and Mogra laughs.

“ you foolish woman “ Kara smiles at the comment and raises her hand, her soft finger wipes away the tear Mogra had shed.

“ you have me, my love. Every part of me, every version of me, every inch of me. All of me. “

“ you could stay “ Kara says as she takes a step back from the other woman “ you _should_ stay “

“ I don’t belong here, Kara “

“ but… “ Kara wanted to plea, beg the woman to stay but a look at that face and Kara understands that Mogra’s mind has already been made.

“ there’s cameras in this room, people at comms can see you’re naked “ Kara says and Mogra scoffed

“ should I be offended that you underestimated me? again… “

A look of understanding covers Kara’s face “ you jammed it “

“ yes “ both Kara and Mogra chuckled.

“ can I visit sometime? Or you could visit… I’m sure we can think of a proper way to teleport to each other “

Mogra sighed

“ sometimes things are better left the way they are “

Kara nods, giving up on trying to persuade the other woman to stay.

“ so I guess this is goodbye? “

“ just because I have feelings for you doesn’t mean I’m sappy now “ Kara laughs at the comment and hums

“ you know… I am a bit surprised by the facts that you’re not a stuttering mess right now considering that I am- “

“ in your birthday suit? “ Kara cuts with a grin

“ First of all, never say that. Secondly, yes… I was expecting to deal with a red faced kryptonian with a bleeding nose “

“ hey! “ Mogra laughs as the pouting Kryptonian and makes her way to pick up her clothes on the floor

“ enjoying the view? “ Mogra smirks as she effortlessly puts on the clothing one by one

Kara squeaks and clears her throat

“ I mean, I’m about to leave so might as well enjoy it Kara… “ Mogra takes another glance towards the red faced woman “ and Kara? “

“ yeah? “

“ work things out with Lena… and tell her that if she hurts you I’ll come for her head “ Mogra said and chuckles as she walks out the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks... the epilogue is next!


	21. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first and foremost I would like to say that I apologise if it wasn't good, as I've said this is my first time writing so excuse my inexperience and flaws.
> 
> I am forever thankful for all the love and kind words directed towards my work and I.
> 
> Sometimes those words helped me in ways I can't even express, not just in my writing but the thought of someone out there liking my work makes me feel so grateful.
> 
> So thank you for your patience, understanding and kind words.
> 
> forever grateful.
> 
> stay safe.
> 
> xo

**EPILOGUE**

Kara gasps as she sits up from the hospital bed, her forehead and back drenched in sweat. Her hands and feet are cold, she looks around and tightly holds the handle of the bed, taking a deep breath in and a deep breath out. She’s mentally fucked, more so than before. Just another added nightmare and trauma. She shuts her eyes and straightens her back, taking another big breath in and out to calm her racing heart and mind.

She had fallen asleep at the DEO spare room, after Mogra’s departure she meditated to calm her thoughts and find peace again. She felt a weight in her chest from Mogra’s departure.

“ hey “ Kara squeaked not noticing Lena leaning by the door with her arms folded. “ sorry, didn’t mean to scare you “

Kara’s eyes widen, she had barely spent any time alone with Lena this past few days after she’d been awake. Kara takes in the soft look Lena has on. An oversized grey sweater with her hair in a messy bun, her bare face without a single trace of make-up, her slight slouch indicating she’s tired, her light dark bags beneath her emerald green eyes. For a genius Lena really doesn’t know how to take care of herself- no, Lena just doesn’t care much. She has no regards of such things which is why Kara had been doing it all for her. Kara would fuss about the little things Lena ignore. Kara would insist on the little snacks, small naps or a short getaway that Lena would normally find useless or unnecessary.

“ no no, i- just didn’t notice you were there “

Lena’s lips thinned into a line and she nods her head a few times before closing the door and leaning her back against it.

Kara had a feeling that Lena had been avoiding her. It wasn’t as if there’s security keeping anyone away from Kara or Kara hadn’t had time free. She has and normally she would be alone to rest or meditate.

So why is Lena still avoiding her? what had she done wrong now? is Lena regretting her decision to give Kara a second chance? Why? They both had made mistakes and talked it out, they had decided to forgive each other, hadn’t they? What’s different? What’s changed? Why is Len-

“ Kara? “ Lena’s call made Kara snap out of her spiraling thoughts.

The silence of the DEO and dark room helped Lena’s nerves, she could barely see Kara’s silhouette.

“ i- “ Kara’s voice breaks and Lena swiftly moves to pour some water into a cup for the blonde

Lena silently hands her the cup and when Kara’s fingers brushed against hers, Kara pulls her so Lena’s sitting by the edge of the bed. Still holding Lena’s hand, Kara puts the cup down and stares at their joined hands.

“ that water is for you to drink, you know “ Lena says with her signature one eyebrow raised

Kara nods her head and leans back with her eyes closed. Her hands never loosening from Lena’s.

“ Kara? “

“ I thought I was going to die “ Kara says breathlessly as memories floods back into her brain. Every second felt like an eternity, when she was in the pod, when she was trapped in the room by Lilian, when Lena got poisoned, when Alex almost drowned, when Eli-

“ Kara “ Lena’s warm touch on her cheek brought her back to the present again, like a breath of fresh air, like a small sight at a bright light in darkness “ breathe darling “ as Lena wipes a tear only then does Kara realized that she had been crying.

“ you’ve been avoiding me “ Kara replies brokenly

Lena has no reply for that. Lena is no expert in healthy coping mechanism.

Yes. Lena has been avoiding Kara because… it felt as if it was the right thing to do given the circumstances. Lena felt as if Kara needed some time for herself so that’s what she did. She gave Kara some space.

Mogra or Alex is always around, though Mogra never visited Kara but she would stick close, out of sight but still there. Alex has been the only one visiting and treating Kara consistently.

“ i- I have “

“ why? “ Kara asked, her warm hand covers Lena’s hand on her cheek. Lena’s lips thinned, not knowing what to say back

“ why Lena? “ Kara pulls her hands away and sighed, she brings both of her palms up to her face and takes a deep breath in

“ I wanted to give you space “

“ but I don’t want space “ it was impossible to miss Kara’s sharp yet gentle tone “ not from you “

“ I’m sorry “ Lena whispers

“ I need you Lena… you already know how I feel and what I want so if that’s not what you want or you- “

“ I want “ Lena says with determination and a warm fiery spirit burning in her eyes

“ y-you want? “ Kara’s eyes shines with unshed tears. Damn emotions.

“ I want it Kara, I do. I want everything. I’m here for you always. This is it for me too. I’m in this. It’s all or nothing right? I’ve made mistakes, unforgivable ones and I’m willing to risk everything for this. I’ll make mistakes, I’ll pull away, I’ll do stupid things that makes you angry but I’ll never leave you ever again, okay? I’ll work on my issues, you’ll work on yours and then we’ll work on us together. If you want… “

Kara lets out a chocked cry “ that’s all I want… for us to try and to be with you “

“ I’m sorry “ Lena tightly holds Kara’s hand hoping to convey how serious and committed she is. “ I’m in it for the long run. So I’ll work harder to be better. You’ve done so much, so let me protect you now. Trust me to protect you with my life and with every power I have. Trust me to love you, care for you, protect you. Trust me to be with you even if I’m unworthy. Believe in me, Kara. Believe that I’ll never leave you, believe I’ll commit to us, believe that we will be fine. You, Kara Zor-El are loved, you are cared for and you are here with me, in this moment. I am yours as much as you are mine. That’s all that matters now. You’re alive, safe and- and I’m here for you. Every step of the way. I’m yours for as long as you’ll let me, Kara. How about that? “

Kara pulls Lena and buries her face in the crook of her neck, taking in the familiar soothing scent. Her arms circle her waist and Kara feels content. Kara feels safe. Lena’s here. Lena’s not mad anymore. Lena will protect. Lena loves me. I have someone. I have Lena.

Lena snuggle in closer, her legs tangled with Kara and her right arm around the other woman. Kara immediately moves to bury her face in the crook of Lena’s neck as if it was her safe space and her hands automatically arms across Lena’s waist. Lena kisses Kara’s temple and surrenders to the comfort that she had longed for “ get some rest, love “ Lena says sleepily and a small smile creeps up her lips when she hears a lazy hum from Kara.

“ we’ll work on our issues and be okay, right? “ Kara mumbles sleepily

“ yes, darling “

“ because I love you “ Kara whispers and Lena can feel the smile creeping on her face “ and you love me “

“ because I love you too, yes “ Kara hums and buries her face deeper in the crook of Lena’s neck.

“ you’re mine now… no take backs “ with her lover in her arms Lena kisses Kara’s forehead and melts into the warmth.

“ I’m yours, darling. All of me “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm leaving Mogra's happily ever after to your imagination!
> 
> I feel deeply for Mogra, she's my favourite. perhaps I did neglect Lena a bit in here, and I regret that I fail to create much more content to express the deep connection between Kara and Lena. but I trust you guys would understand the love that they have for each other!
> 
> Mogra is a complex character and I'm sorry if I didn't do any of the characters justice.
> 
> what do you imagine Mogra's life or happily ever after would be like? feel free to share!
> 
> thank you again for reading my work!


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